This is the long list of Christmas prizes I'd love to give...
Our Lord: Thanks
The Tennessee Titans: A trip to the playoffs.
Floyd Reese: Asante Samuels and Dwight Freeney. Both free agents this off season.
The Nashville Predators: a healthy Thomas Vokoun
Hillary Clinton: a soul.
George W Bush: A thousand paper cuts... and a gallon of rubbing alcohol.
Vox: three rounds with Al Franken.. and a well restored MG to the winner.
Spacebunny: a week off.
Res Ipsa: Buckzilla
Mrs Res Ipsa: Patience... no wait... she clearly already has plenty.
EP: A plump woman who sleeps soundly and cooks to much.. and a KLX 250.
JAC: A trip to Mexico... dust and glory.
DJ: Ducati 748... duh...
MM: A home in the South, where he belongs.
Bill: A tig... and a bottle of makers... to be used simultaneously.
Underwater Operative: How Not to Dress Like a Sissy: The Definitive Handbook.
Will: a Springfield 1911... and house gun
JamieR: Musical taste... and tolerence... alcohol tolerence... and a week in Tennessee.. where he would need it.
Kristy and Dave: USB rocket launchers!
The Rest of the Harem girls: One night...
Farmer Tom: a freshly restored John Deere 8020.
Do to complaints from the peanut gallery... I offer this addendum:
To Jeb: A BIIIIIIIIIIIIG Cotton Picker... with forks! Like a Combine!
To Eli: The Biggest Bear Ever.
And to you wife... you get an appreciative husband.