mmmm... Salsa!

So the Lepper walks into a bar. (ladies this would be a good time to stop reading) He makes his way to the up to the bartender and humbly asks, "Ummm... is it ok if I drink in here?"

The bartender's a nice guy and says, "Sure buddy, grab a table over there and have ya a beer! Everyone's welcome here."

"I don't wanna bother anyone."

"Don't sweat it buddy. We're a rowdy bunch in here. No one's gonna pay you any mind."

"Fair enough. I appreciate it." and with that, the lepper sat down and started drinkin' his beer.

It wasn't very long though, until someone ran outside and got sick.

"I better go. I don't want to be a bother."

The bartender says, "Buddy sit back down. It's not you."

So the lepper sits down again... but just a couple minutes later.. someone else runs outside and gets sick..

Again the lepper gets up to leave...

"Buddy.. seriously... it's not you. Finish your drink."

"If it's not me... who is it?"

The bartender looks around for a minute and says... "It's not you. it's the guy behind ya... dippin' his chips in your neck."

The Worst Ever

20 years from now, when everyday Americans want to describe someone as completely insane, they'll use the phrase, "He voted for John Kerry for President." Like Vox I have little interest in Politics as a Horse Race... But politics as a train wreck... now that I can enjoy.

I can't take my eyes off Kerry. Morbid Curiosity has me in her iron grip. I swear, if Jerry Springer was ever a campaign manager... this would be the result!

Bush's faults, and his strengths are one in the same. He is a great politician. That's both the best, and the worst, thing you can say about the man. He is playing chess, while Kerry is playing checkers. While kerry is working hard to figure out how to respond to Bush's last move, Bush already has his next three moves planned out, and is working on the 4th and 5th. Kerry isn't 1 step behind. He's 5 steps behind. The game was over before it began.

When Bill Clinton met W at the White House... He told everyone within earshot... "Don't you ever underestimate that man." They didn't listen, and as a result, they are getting their asses kicked in spectacular fashion.

Let me spell out just how hopeless this is for Kerry... 53% of his party want to pull out of Iraq, 47% want to stay.

You want to know why he flipflops? Because no matter what he says, he's pissing off half of his own party! As long as we're talking foriegn policy, Kerry will be destroyed.

What's worse, is that if he goes to domestic policy, his own record will be used to label him a left-wing nutcase. The Dems will never allow a true debate on liberalism vs conservatism, anymore than a vampire will come out to fight you at noon. They have to hide behind clever moderate placcards to hope to win, lest their freakish ideology be exposed for what it really is.

If he can't run on Iraq, and he can't run on domestic policy.... the only thing left is to go negative... and pray on the emotional and the weak, which is what he's doing now. The amazing thing is, that he's actually stupid enough to think that anyone is going to judge an incumbant on any criteria but the last 4 years. MORON! If the documents were real, it wouldn't matter! If it came to light that Bush bought his way out of Vietnam, it wouldn't matter. The public knows what it will get with W, because they saw it. You can't say, "If he ran from war then, how will he react now?" when we've already damned well seen him react now!

The man is actually arguing that Bush is both to brave, and to cowardly... to smart... and to stupid... To simple... yet draped with conspiracy...

This race wasn't over last month. It was over the day the dems sat in their dark smoky room and decided John Kerry was their boy. It was over the day the democrats fell for Dubya's "Don't mind me, I'm just a stupid texan" act.

I guess no one ever told the Democrats about Brear Rabbit.

All Hallow's Eve

Kids... if you're lookin' for someone to rant about the evils of Halloween... ya may as well stop readin' now. Halloween is my favorite holiday. I love it. I love the costumes, I love scaryin' kids, I love the candy, hell... I love everything about it. If I had my way we'd all get two days off... One to prepare and one to recover.

I figure if stores can put up Christmas decorations in August, then I can talk about Halloween in mid-september.

I remember going to some awesome Haunted Houses growing up... but I guess the thing about Haunted Houses is... well... when you're 9 they are scary as hell, and you love it. When you're 18, they aren't scary but they're still cool. When you're 30 the scary starts all over again though.. cause now you're taking a kid through with ya. I believe I've been to the best haunted house ever, but that's a story for another day...

Over the next few weeks I'll be talking more and more about this stuff as I'm get psyched up for the big night. Let's start easy though... We've been threadin' about costumes that's as good place as any.

Some of my favorite costumes, in no particular order:

1) Julie's Santa's Nauty Little Helper. This looks like a black leather tunic... but it's short, and it has white fur here and there like a santa's outfit. It's cut LOW... showing much leg... and of course she wears black boots with it. This thing is Mrs. Santa's worst nightmare.

2) Xena. We have a friend named Amber... who looks like a feminine version of Xena. She works out all the time, and has very similar features to the actress, but hers are just a little softer... making her far more attractive. Amber has a homemade Xena costume that has been known to turn grown men into slobbering idiots.

3) The Gimp Couple. I saw this at the infamous West Memphis Party. One of the hottest girls in Julie's med school shows up in a black leather teddy, knee high black boots... elbow length black leather gloves... I mean... we're talking pornstar here. To make things all the more perfect, she's carrying a cat o' nine tails and leading around a Gimp on a leash! I mean this was a real Pulp Fiction style gimp! We were beside ourselves! At one point she lead him up on stage and beat his ass with that whip! Then of course later on I saw her out in the parking lot makin' out with a couple of guys... at the same time... remember people.... She's now someone's doctor. There's more to this particular story.. but not today.

4) Priest and Pregnant Nun. Classic. From the same party as the Gimp. Our buddy Jason "By God" Graham and another friend from med school show up like this. The costumes were perfect, and she really looked knocked up.... Ah well... Bane liked it.

5) Adam and Eve. Another Party... this one in Knoxville. Anesthesia Facutly member shows up with his hot little wife... both... naked apart from a few leaves. This would've been the worst costume ever if the chick hadn't been hot. Thankfully she was.

As for me... in the past my costumes have usually revolved around black cloaks and swords. The Devil... Vampires... I thought of putting on a suit with horns and a tail... and going as a Yankee. We'll see.

Now in the spirit of good fun... Nate's costume suggestions!

Julie: ahem.. about that "Santa's Naughty Little Helper" costume...

Spacebunny: Well duh... She should go as Allison from "Spacebunnies must Die".

Res Ispa: Jeff Davis

Vox: A Penquin of course

JAC: Crazed Biker. wait... that's not a costume...

Joy: Is an Egyptian Slave Girl Costume to much to ask? I hope not!

Astrosmith: Al from Home Improvement

Red: Young Grizzly Adams

Flannel Avenger: Coach K! (don't shoot FA, it's a joke man)

Michelle Malkin: Nate's Geisha Girl addition to the Harem

Jeanne: Can you say "I Dream of Genie"? I knew ya could.

Elena: Musik Mafia Groupie

JamieR: Pimp. Nuff Said.

Kristy: I can't resist the Sarcastic Comedy of seeing her in an Angel costume.

Sarah: Femi-Nazi!

Will, Wes, Sean.. Eddie.. Shane.. I didn't forget about ya it's just that well.. it's still an R rated blog and your suggestions may have gone a little to far for that.

Bad News Bear

Boys... Somethin is up in Russia. That Chechnyan deal is looking more and more suspicious to me. All the descrepancies in the official story didn't suprise me. In fact I called it. We've had some stranging goin's on since then though. I started paying attention when I became aware of Russian media showing footage from the massacre.

Why? Well all you have to do is listen to Putin. There are plenty of pieces to the puzzle floatin' around, and the way their startin' to fit together is not to pretty. Putin (a former KGB stud) has now called for increased power. Governors will no longer be popularly elected. He claims this is to combat "terrorism". At the same time, he's been making some pretty clear references to the old Soviet Union.

Something's going on over there. Its way to early to find out what though. Something to remember though... The KGB still exists in its pre-coldwar form and it has always had extensive contacts in the Jihad. Putin has never hidden his desire to rebuild the USSR.

Hey... it's probly not a rat... I'm just sayin' it kinda smells like one.

You know... if you looke at the EU... a new USSR... then the USA... well... The world takes on the distinct look of Europe before WWI.

The curse of interesting times.

Feelin' Guilty?

My guess is the last couple of posts have left some people looking over there shoulder. What's the matter? Afraid of someone finding you reading something like this?

Don't worry kids. I was asked my thoughts on this over at Vox's, so I posted them. It's not signifying any change of direction of the blog.

Tell ya what... as a respite from all this gloom and doom... we'll talk about something important tomarrow... Like Halloween! and maybe... just maybe we'll talk about smokin' a Boston Butt for the best pulled pork bbq you can have!

Discusted?

Ok, so how many of you were completely sickened by that last post? Some of you obviously were.

The question is why? It's pretty simple really. Maybe you thought this would an honorable war, where two armies would square off. Well I don't think the rebels will be interested in suicide.

I think the main issue here is that you are failing to realize that in any revolt, all facets of the federal government are legitimate targets. I know I know.. Mcveigh and all that. Right now the idea of an american service man getting sniped on a street corner makes us all sick. But right now is not the time for revolt. Right now, those servicemen have not turned on us. They are our sons and daughters fighting to protect us.

I'm talking about down the road, when those servicemen have decided to shoot at us. When that happens, it's open season kids.

The trouble that I see coming is that there will be those of us who focus on military targets, and do everything possible to insure no innocents are killed.... then there will be others who simply start blowing shit up.

Now... As for me being on that list... come on guys... I'm not new to this stuff. I'm sure the FBI has me on a list or two. I'd be disappointed if they didn't.

Try to be objective when you read that previous post.

Why We Will Win

Any type of prediction is tricky. Considering something as complex as the outcome of a citizen revolt in the United States however, by any standard, would have to be one of the most difficult things anyone could prognosticate. Before I offer my thoughts, let me start off with some basic facts that I used to build my case.

The Givens:
1) The citizens of the United States are the most well armed in the world.
2) 100,000,000 people in the United States own firearms. That's over 1 out of every 3 citizens.
3) The average gun owner owns 3 guns.
4) At a time of great need, the United States Military can activate 500,000 troops, most of which would be reservists.
5) The United States Military is the most powerful modern military in the world.
6) Modern Military tactics still have no answer for large scale guerilla warfare.
7) The public will not revolt in good economic times
8) Even in poor economic times, a catalyst of some form is needed.

Backgroud:
You must not begin by considering America as it stands today. You must think of what type of circumstances would cause a revolt. After all, you don't go looking for tornados in the middle of winter. A revolt is possible in good times, for example, if the government suddenly decided to go door to door and confiscate all guns. Then you'd see a revolt in a heartbeat, but that's just not going to happen. The government is not that stupid.

So imagine now, an America with an unemployment rate of say... 15%... or to be more realistic... 30%, and on top of that, inflation has eaten away everything they own. Now you have a pissed off population. We've had these types of situations before though, and we had no rebellion... so we need someting else too. We need some event that is offensive to a large number of citizens. Example: Rodney King verdict in LA.

Let's say that the catalyst, whatever it is, happens. We'll use conservative estimates and say that 1% to 3% of all armed citizens decide it's time to throw down.

Tactics:

Over night, all over the country, chaos reigns. Government buildings are blowing up. Trains are derailing. There are widespread power outages. People are getting shot on the way to work. Armories and Military depots are blown to hell. Government employees, senators, congressmen, and mayors are all turning up dead.

How would the country react? The news would initally report that there were widespread terrorist attacks. Of course, anyone with a brain would realize that no organization in the world could do that much damage in that little time, over that huge an area. Within a couple days, martial law would be declared, but the attacks wouldn't stop. In fact, the presence of armed US troops on our streets would only lend sympathy to the rebels. The unavoidable accidents and abuses from such an action would fill the ranks of the Rebel "forces" with new volunteers. As the US military starts engaging the rebels, soldiers would be confronted with the fact that their enemy is their neighbor, not some arab or german, or jap. Of course there would be huge slaughters when the military would actually catch a militia or group all together. These slaughters, by their extreme nature, would lend even more sympathy... and by the first couple weeks, it wouldn't be 1% to 3% anymore. It would be approaching 5% to 10%.

At night virtually every city in America would be a war zone. D.C. would look like Kosovo. The media would still be decryin the terrorists in the homeland, but the propaganda war would be starting to turn. By now the rebels are getting their message out.

US Military Might:

This is guerilla war, and history has proven that there is no answer for these tactics. There is no target to strike. There is no land to hold. There is no organization to defeat. It will be faceless. There will be nothing for the military to focus on. The Navy will be useless. The Airforce will be useless. Only the most of elite of the special forces would be enjoying any type of success. Moral would be at an all time low. Remember that at any given time, much of all US forces are overseas, and they simply couldn't get them home in time to make much difference.

An Army of One:
Look around you. How much damage could you do, if you just decided to do it? What do you know? What have you seen? Could you, for example, go out and destroy some train tracks in the middle of town? What would a frieght train derailing at rush hour do to a town? We can do anything. Tomarrow... while you are out and about... think about what sort of disruptions you could cause if you so chose. This is an eye opening exercize. You realize how fragile society really is.

Acting all on your own, you can sow chaos. Two idiots with a van and a $200.00 weapon terrorized 3 states for weeks. Hell... They couldn't even shoot. But... What if they could shoot? What if they weren't shooting from 50 yards away? What if it was 500 yards away? And what if they weren't hitting 1 person every couple days? What if it was 2 or 3 every day? What if there weren't just 2 of them? What if there were 50? or 100? All over the country? What if there were 1,000? 10,000?Think of the havok. And what could the US military do to stop it? The only way to deal with it is to hunt down every individual involved. It simply cannot be done. No military has ever been able to defeat these tactics.

Be your own Cell. Do your own thing.

The End:

This will go on until the state governments decide that the feds can't handle the situation, and declare the federal government disolved. When it's all said and done there would be somewhere between 300,000 and 600,000 casualties, most of which would be collateral damage. The only people who will truely benefit from this conflict will be the undertakers and the construction companies. The Catalyst will have been reversed, and things will peter out pretty quickly. The whole sordid affair could take weeks, or months,but likely will not take longer.

Numbers and Tactics make this a no win situation for the US government. You simply cannot defeat an army of that size using those tactics.

Just not your Year

The folks in South Florida have to wonder what they did to deserve this. The worst hurricane season I can remember... Ricky Williams is off smokin' dope in India somewhere... The Worst offensive line in the NFL didn't get any better... and well... if all this isn't enough...

Up to the plate step the Titans.

Florida football fans... a little advice... While you'e boarding up your windows... make sure you have the college football on. The Gaytors will beat up on Directional U. about like the Titans are going to beat up on the Dolphins.

Ricky Williams ran for... ahem... 13 yards against the Titans last year. How good do you think Travis Minor is gonna do?

I keep looking around for some position where the Dolphins match up well with the Titans... Hey! Orlino Mare is a better kicker than Hentrich! There ya go! Of course... Hentrich is a punter... but hey... take what you can get.

Prediction: Titans win by a whole lot more than a little-bit.

Off The Grid

You never know how important utilities are until you don't have them. Julie and I have spent a lot of time, and will soon spend a lot of money, on an extensive utility system which I will maintain and operate. We most likely will not be off the grid completely, but we will certainly be capable of going off of it for months, and perhaps indefinitely.

Electricity:
There is a right way to go about this and a wrong way. If you think you're just going to put up a few solar panels and call it a day, you are sadly mistaken, unless by a few you mean 50. That's both a pain in the ass, and the exact opposite of cost-effective.

The best way to handle this is to have two separate sources, feeding a large bank of batteries. Our plan is pretty simple really. We will shop around for land with a stream that has enough flow and head to produce a decent amount of electricity, and we will put solar panels all over the south facing roof of the barn. These two sources will be wired into a large bank of batteries which will be tended and controlled electronic. In addition I will have a backup natural gas generator, or gasoline generator depending on which is cheaper. Natural Gas would be a no brainer, but remember I'm using farm-use gasoline that has no road taxes attached, and I'm buy bulk. I am confident the Natural Gas generator will be the way to go... but I'm not 100% decided... yet.

The reason you want at least two sources is pretty simple. The stream flows even at night, and even on dark cloudy days... and in the summer, when the stream is getting low, the solar panels are kicking butt.

Sewer:
Duh. Put in a septic tank... a big one... Twice as big as they say you need. and don't forget where it is...

Water:
Have a well dug. Deep, Shallow, whatever is the most common where you live. The people who dig it will know what's best for your area. If you're lucky, there will be an artesian well for you to tap, and you'll get some mighty fine water. The carst topography of the Tennessee plateau is great for that... tons of underground water to be found... in fact the largest underground lake in the world is there... well... the largest one we've found any how.

Invest in a whole-house filter system, but don't put the damned outside spickets on the thing ok? There is no reason to wash your car or water the lawn with filtered water!

There is a lot of great info on the net. Backwoods Magazine is a good place to look for starters. I suspect y'all knew I had this sort of plan around... after all... you don't build a Mountain Fortress without thinking of this stuff before hand.

Panic Rooms

I like this idea, but it's probably not the route I'm going to take when I build my next home. It's sort of the Nate-Lite way of looking at home security. These rooms vary widely. Some are nothing more than a concrete walled closet with a steel reinforced door. Others, are set up to be self-sufficient for days or weeks on end, complete with their own bathrooms, food, ventilation, and power. All of these systems being seperate from those of the main home. Needless to say, you can spend a whole lot of money on one of these if you want too.

The trouble is, you have to be able to get to them. The location of the room is the biggest concern. You don't want your kids to have to run past the Bad Man to get to it. I'm a firm believer in having all of the sleeping quarters together in a home, and I would put the panic room in that section of the house.

One of our favorite ideas invovles hidden escape hatches in each bedroom that lead to a huge panic room in the basement setup to sustain the family for months. It's a pretty simple plan really. I get up and guard the entrance to the sleeping floor while everyone else bails to the panic room. Once everyone is there, Julie throws a switch that turns on a signal light that I can see from my covered position, and then I follow. Once we're all there, I can use the security system to determine what's going on. How many Bad Men are there? Have the dogs already killed them? If need be, I can gear up and go out to shoot the bastards while Julie acts as my spotter using the cameras. Remember as well, it may not be the Bad Man. It may be a fire. Either way, someone needs to stay behind to make sure everyone makes it to the panic room.

Not that we've put much thought into this or anything...

I should ad that you don't have to live paranoid to be prepared. The kids will think of the escape hatches as secret doors, and the panic room can double as a rec room. You simply have a few drills, so the kids know whats what. Come on, tell me as a kid, you wouldn't have thought it was cool. I'm sure a lot of people will read this and think that we're paranoid nutcases. Fine. I agree, the chance that I'll use any of this stuff is minimal. Then again... a fire? A tornado? There are lots of reasons to bail to a safe place.

15 or 20 grand for your families saftey. Sounds like a bargain to me.

I know I'm very general when I talk about this stuff. Understand, it's not because I don't love y'all, or that I am ignorant of the latest do-dads. My goal here is just to give you something to consider. Everyone's family is different, and every home is differnt. You have to come up with something that works for you and yours. Now granted, I could be more detailed... but then...

I just don't believe in showing my hand.

Bane Rants

Bane comments: I have met the government, and it is us. Adds true meaning to 'you get what you pay for', don't it?Every hive has to have a queen, the rest of you are just drones. Deal with it.

It's Us? I suppose so, if by Us you mean "Ivy League Aristicratic Ruling Class". Unfortunately, "us" usually means "rednecks and the middle-class". Seriously Bane... I'm starting to think... man... If you lose a couple more brain cells we're gonna be waterin' you twice a day.

Lets look at this point-of-view shall we? Every hive has to have a queen. Ok... so therefore any type of tyranny is fine, because the person who rose to power to perpetuate it, must be representative of the population as a whole, and therefore, the population gets what it deserves. Aparently, those of us who can see things for what they are, are expected to simply bend over and take it.

I can certainly understand an ex-cop feeling this way, but then again, that's probably because I hate cops. Only judges and Lawyers are more corrupt than cops. One may be tempted to lump teachers in with this lot, but I would disagree. Teachers are hired to produce mush-brained drones, and they do a damned fine job of it.

Let's examine Bane's attitude historically though shall we? The 13 colonies should've bent over and taken it. Every revolution in the history of the world, shouldn't have happened. I ask you, without revolution in one form or another, how does society progress?

What of the people who shared Banes attitude? The Germans under Hitler? The Russians under Stalin? Those murdered by Mao?

But again... We should take this with a Pillar of Salt should we not? Bane's an old man after all. He's not got much piss and vinegar left in him, and revolution is a young man's fight. S'ok though... every man has a purpose. We can safely leave the women folk at home with Bane.

InBox

Smitty writes: Would you be willing to either reply or blog-post about your home defense plan?

Excellent question! Understand, for obvious reasons I'm not going into specifics about my home, but I can give some general tactical advice for home defense, and rest assured, if I leave anything out, Bane, Bill, Resispa, and JAC will be happy to fill in, and mock me for my omissions.

Let's start with the basic layout of the house. This was something that I was thinking about when we bought this house. I looked for a house with the bedrooms grouped together on the same floor with one one way to access that floor. The benefit to this is pretty obvious. If someone breaks in at night, you have a buffer between your family and the bad man. This gives you two options. You can't totally ignore your windows, unless they are, like mine, totally unaccessible from the ground. I generally set up stuff around windows that are accessible, giving any invader something to step on or trip over. Anything to distract them and buy me some time. This can be anything... Rocking chairs, clothes hampers, or kids toys are great for this.

Plan One. Wait and Shoot.

Tactically you want to establish a safe area first. So you set up some type of barrier at the top of the stairs. Baby gates are fine, because you just want to slow the bad man down. From cover, you simply watch that entrance, and wait.

From cover means, you are not exposed, or you are minimally exposed to return fire. It's your house, so take some time to figure out a spot to shoot from. If for example your bedroom door faces the stairs, you can lay prone inside the doorway, using the wall for cover, while only the necessary aiming bits are exposed.

My Father-in-Law has a great plan. His master bedroom shares a wall with the stairwell. So he can stand next to the wall, and listen for the rattling of the babygate, then simply blast them through the wall with his 12 guage and 00 buck! There is much debate on whether such a tactic would be fatal, but there is little debate that it would stun the victim, cause him to fall down the stairs, and give the old man time enough to finish the job. The thing to remember is you have to know where the baby gate is with respect to your wall so you have a good aiming point, and you have to be able to find it when it's dark and you're keyed up.

For home defense, it gets no better than a 12-guage shotgun. I recommend a pump. You can use all manner of specialty ammo for the things. Everything from rubber slugs, to nasty razor filled projectiles. heh heh heh.


Plan Two. Clear the House.

People write books on this stuff. It's far to indepth for a blog. The best advice I can give here is, if you have dogs, and you SHOULD have dogs, let them lead you to the Bad Man. Listen for the ruckus, and go shoot the bastard.

If you don't know where he is, it gets tricky, and you better revert to Plan 1. If you're hell bent on sweeping though, I can offer some general advice.

You know your home, so you should be able to predict how/where he entered, or at least the most likely spots. From safe cover, listen for any movement. Listen for anything at all. You're eyes are used to the dark, and your ears are keyed up from the quiet of the house. Use them. Once you hear him, provide coverfire for youself. Lets say he's in a room to your left. Start shooting before you turn the corner. Shoot as you walk. The guy will be pissing himself, and will never have a chance to return fire. He'll either panic and run, or he'll stand there and get shot. This also eliminates the rookie tendency to hesititate. You'll simply see him, and fire.

Again, I do not recommend this tactic. Sit and wait for the guy.

Dogs.

You should have them. They are by far, the best alarm system money can buy. I get woken up all the time because someone had the nerve to walk down my street. But you can tell the difference in the warning bark, and the Bad Man bark. Dogs sound distinctly different when they are actually about to engage a threat. So you hear the warning barks... you wake up, get your senses about you and listen for anything else. Until they make a guard cat, that will wake me up and then try to kill the Bad Man for me, I will continue to be a Dog Person.

Dogs are invaluable, particularly in a home invasion situation. remember the most important thing is, they are not expecting resistance. The whole point is to shock you, and catch you with your pants down. They are not expecting a couple 100 pound dogs to meet them at the door. We're ok, simply because we know that the dogs will provide us enough time to deal with them.

Firearms.

At anytime of the day, from anywhere in my house, I can produce a firearm almost immediately. They are all safely out of the hands of children mind you. Often, I can be found simply wearing one though. Hey, you think it's wierd maybe, but look at it this way... My hip is the safest place for it. I know exactly where it is at all times, and I know no one is playing with it.


Some may call it paranoid. I call it prepared.

It's Game Day Baby!

I've got the brats out, I've got the beers chillin'! So... Honor of the public execution that will take place tonight at 8:00pm EST on ESPN... I give you:

ROCKY TOP

Wish that i was on old rocky top down in the tennessee hills
ain't no smoggy smoke on rocky top ain't no telephone bills
Once i had a girl on rocky top half bear the other half cat
wild as a mink but sweet as soda pop i still dream about that

Rocky top you'll always be home sweet home to me
good 'ol rocky top rocky top tennessee

Corn won't grow at all on rocky top dirts to rocky by far
thats why all the folks on rocky top get their corn from a jar
once two strangers climbed 'ol rocky top looking for a moonshine still
strangers ain't come down from rocky top reckon they never will

Rocky top you'll always be home sweet home to me
good 'ol rocky top rocky top tennessee

I've had years of cramped up city life trapped like a dog in a pin
all i know is it's a city life can't be simple again

The Trump Card

The Don't Vote Crowd is certainly less a crowd and more a couple. It's not a pack of wolves at all. In fact, it's just me and Fred Reed. We've certainly taken our shots for this stance, and I believe others have announced their own victory on at least to occasions in this debate.

So before I declare victory on my own, let me first deliver the blow, and give you a chance to get up off the mat.

To you Res Ispa, and you Sean, and all the others who've rallied to the defense of the system, I challenge you this:

Name one time in all of human history when a tyranical central government has surrendered power to a vote.

I'll answer for you. It's never happened, and it never will. You can vote to grow government. You cannot vote to meaningfully shrink it. In all of human history, only one thing has shrunk government; the force of arms.

Harbor no illusions of peaceful success.

Harbor no illusions of ballot box rebellion. It is a myth... like the Fountain of Youth... No less a waste of time, and no less imaginary.

My friends... I wish it were not so. But this is not Wonderland, or Neverland, or even OZ. Here, it is what it is, and what we wish it was... well...

Hoping that a vote will change this government's tyranical ways is no more effective than the frantic clicking of heels.

Badgers!

My friends... I give you... The Weeble Tribute to Vox Day!

JULIE PASSED!

That's that baby! USMLE Step 3! You may recall, that she was takin' it while I was off galavantin' all over the southwest with Jim. We're off to celebrate!

1492

It was a great year, just not for the reason you think. When asked what wonderous thing happened in 1492, the average government programed individual will either mumble something about the first year of the Super Bowl, or he'll reach back and recall something about discovering America.

Now, ignoring the fact that man can't really discover a place that other men have already lived for centuries, we need to discuss what actually happened that year.

It's true that a European sailed out and landed on, eventually, the coast of America. That however is not what's important historically. What is important, is that 1492, was the year Modern Man, stood face to face, with Pre-Historic Man.

While Modern Man was navigating with the Stars, The Noble Indians had not yet discovered the Wheel. Go back and read that sentence again, I want to make sure that burrows into your skull. These "people" had no written language, unless by written language, you mean cave drawings. They hunted with rocks and sticks for crying out loud! Imagine how freaked out these "people" were when they saw these boats! Or the wagons being unloaded! I can hear them now... "WHOA! Dude! Look at that! That thing... that they move stuff in! That's a great idea!" Not to mention things like armor or swords. Kinda makes me wonder why Custer's boys didn't have platemail. Sure as hell worked for Cortez. But I digress...

When you hear an archiologist talk about how interesting it would be to examine the lives of prehistoric men, laugh in his face. It's quite simple to do that very thing. All we need to do is take a look at the way the Noble Indians lived in the 16th century! For cryin' out loud, these people are probly on a few hundered years removed from the discovery of fire!

What else would you call these people if not Savages? Today we romantisize them to the point that most people actually believe they were as advanced as the Europeans that found them. BAH!

And what of thier plight? When two cultures clash, the most advanced culture absorbes and assimilates the lesser culture and brings it's people up to speed. See Greece and Rome... or the entire catalog of human history for that matter. The plight of the Noble Indians is directly related to the Bleeding Hearts who were convinced they knew a better way of handling the issue.

The most human way to deal with a culture clash is to get it over with. We'd do good to remember that.

Somewhere Rosanne Barr is Singing.

Stick a fork in him. He's done.

What we saw lastnight was a great politician. What we saw lastnight was the end of this election. For months now, I've been shouting at the top of my lungs that this was a mismatch. Dubya demonstrated that quite clearly in his speech.

While John Kerry fumes about Viet Nam and flails at phantom attacks on his patriotism, Bush is busy defining him, as he has already defined himself, as a leftwing commie nutcase.

If Kerry has any brains at all, he'll drop out and save himself the humiliation.

Think back to Kerry's speech, and then compare it to that of Bush. Think of how petty the Dems look in comparison. That contrast, so vivid now, even with the haze of weeks between them. Imagine how rediculous Kerry is going to look, side by side with the man in a debate.

While I view this whole circus with disdain, there is a certain pleasure that I take in seeing an asshole like John Kerry get humiliated. Vox once said the convention is enough to make you wish for the by-gone days of innocence. I can't go that far. I can only say that they did a great job with the production, and the speeches.

Oh yeah.. and I love Zell Miller.

Are Southern Politicians Different?

It's a legitimate question. I thought about actually breaking down the voting records over the last 150 years or so and comparing them by regional and party lines. It's been done before though, and well... the results are obvious. That said, a fun way to show the difference is to simply examine the great historical figures of American History. Let's look at it.

George Washington: Virginia
Thomas Jefferson: Virgina
James Madison: Virgina
John Tyler: Virgina
Andrew Jackson: Tennessee
Andrew Johnson: Tennessee
Abraham Lincoln: Illinios (born in Knob Creek, KY)
Ulysses Grant: Ohio
Alexander Hamilton: New York (actually born on the isle of Nevis)
FDR: New York

When you step back and look at the authors of the Constitution, one will quickly notice that it was basicly written by a bunch of Southerners. Those in favor of a weak federal government were from Virginia and the South. Alexander Hamilton (Yankee) favored a stronger central government, as did others from the North. While elected Presidents don't really fit the mold, congressmen do. Sure, Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton, and so many others came from the South. But remember, the Days of the Solid South... When the CSA simply voted Democrat regardless of who was running, are long gone. Yet even those two pale when you consider the likes of Krazy John Kerry, or Ted Kennedy.

When the troops of the CSA first went to War, they did so under a flag designed exactly like the American Flag. Why? Because they believed, and rightly so, that they had more right to that flag than the North did.

You like the Constitution? Thank a Southerner. We wrote it.

Un-Reconstructed

Three-Hundred Thousand Yankees
Lie dead in Southern Dust.
We Got Three-Hundred Thousand
Before they Conquered us.

They died of Southern Fever,
of Southern Steele and Shot.
I wish we'd got Three Million,
instead of what we got.