Near Death Experience
You meet bizarre people at college. Danner, would certainly fit this bill. He was about 6'3", and weighed well over 350. In fact, he once told us that a girl told him he looked like he weighed about 450, and he took it as a compliment. He figured he must of trimmed down.
That said, Danner wasn't the bloated sloth you may envision. He was just out of porportion with the rest of the world. He's the kinda guy who could palm a cinder block. Yet Danner was desceptively agile. He used to regularly beat me at raquetball, which I assure you is a feat no slovenly sloth could duplicate.
At any rate, Danner and I became quite good friends and I developed a habit of making fun of his "Man-teets". I was known to run up and honk them in fact, causing the great mountain of a man several near heart-attacks. Revolting to be sure, but worth it to see his reaction.
So one day, I was sitting alone in Taco Bell... eating my bean burrito, when in walks Danner. Well I kept my head down so he wouldn't see it was me, and as he walked past I reached up and squeezed a tit.
It wasn't Danner.