Ok... stop reading, go to the kitchen, and find your mason jar full of bacon grease. What? You don't have one? Clearly we're going to have to work on you. Few things in this world can be properly cooked without bacon grease. Let's start with the simple stuff though:
Eggs: Eggs cooked properly, be they over-easy or scrambled, are always fried in butter and bacon-grease. Sausage grease can also be used, assuming you just cook the eggs in the same pan you fried it in. A tablespoon of butter never hurt an egg either.
Green beans: Green beans are not to be boiled. Like most things, they are far better fried. Take a couple of tablespoons of bacon grease, and about half a stick of butter, and fry up a mess of green beans in it. Cook them until their good and tender. This is how God ment for you to eat them.
OK now go on out to the smoker... wait... you mean to tell me you have no smoker? How the heck to do cook the bird on Thanksgiving??? WHAT!? You bake it? Sakes people! It's a bird not a cake!
Thankgiving Turkey: Ok, get ya a 16 to 20 pound bird. Clean him up good, and then rub bacon grease all over him. Good. Now cut a big onion in half, and throw it and a couple garlic cloves inside him. Now head out to get your smoker setup. In the water pan, make sure you put some more onions, garlic, and most importantly... whiskey. You must have whiskey. Lots of it. To make certain sure I always use Jack Daniels wood chips in my smoker. These are chips from the barrels used in that blessed distillery. Oh... the smell... OK, so now the smoker's setup. Put your bird in there on the lower rack. He's gonna need about an hour smokin' per pound. Let him go until he's about 5 hours from bein' done, and then go get ya a decent sized Boston Butt, and put it on the top rack. For the last 5 hours, all that juice will drip down on that turkey, and ohhhh Lord... ain't nothin' like it.
Someday we're gonna talk about the proper way to barbeque.