*** WARNING: Insensitive Post ***

Ok... if that headline wasn't enough, I'm going to give you one more chance. I'm fixin' to vent here. I'm going to say things that aren't nice, and that would almost certainly hurt someone's feelins. So listen up... If you're havin' a "I'm gonna save the world" day, do not read this.

So about 2 years ago, some folks around the neighborhood started noticing this girl around. She was about... 13... She never talked. She was about 5'4", black hair... permenantly squinting eyes, and a totally expressionless face. Not downs... No palsy that I could put my finger on... but she was clearly touched. Had that banjo-boy from Deliverence look. To make matters worse... She would just stare at you. I'm tellin' ya man... it creeped us out.

So put yourself in our shoes. We've lived here a year and we've never seen this girl. But now all the sudden, she's showing up. No one knows who she is, or where she lives, and no one is watching her.

I remember at one point, my neighbors little boy was trying to talk to her, and she wouldn't answer him. So he ran back to his mom and kepts saying, "Mom! He won't talk to me! Mom! He wont talk!" hehehe... His mom just kept trying to get him to shutup.

So anyway... now it's a year later. I know she's female, and I know her name is Erin. She talks now, but she still creeps us out. I mean come on. Our image of this kid is still of that girl staring at us from 20 feet away.

And our problem is compounded. Now it seems, she sits at her window, watching for me to come out. Then she runs straight over, and will not leave until I go back inside. Jeb and I can't go outside at all without this girl coming around. I have to say... I'm gettin pretty fricken frustrated. She stays about 16 inches from me, and stares at me... All the time! If I stepped away, she stepped closer. If I walked away, she followed. I swear today I was seriously considering grabbin' a stick and chasin' her off.

I understand... She's touched. But I'm startin' to think she's got a crush on me, and dude... There ain't enough bourbon in the world for a situation like this. This is all just painful. Dealin' with folks who're touched requires some serious patience. It's patience that I have, but not when I'm otherwise occupied with my son. I have no desire to be responsible for my son, and this girl. From the conversations I've had with her, I can honestly say that while her language skills are far superior to Jeb's, she's not nearly as perceptive as he is. That's not an insult. That's just a statement on the kid's condition.

She says the most bizarre things... Here are some examples...

After Jeb farted: "Why's he making sounds?"
After Jeb spent 15 minutes dropping rocks down a great: "Does he like to drop rocks?"
After I asked why her boyfriend doesn't talk: "Are boys always like that... you know... where they... talk?"

All the while standing 16 inches away... looking at me... always looking at me...

Now... Let's be straight here. I hate the Northeast. I hate West Virginia. I hate Morgantown. I hate the neighborhood I live in. I hate the Street that I live on. I hate the fact that all the houses are cramped together. I hate that I have no privacy what-so-ever. I hate people in general, and wish to live away from them.

As if all this wasn't enough, aparently someone decided it would be funny if this whole situation was magnified by throwing an infinitly intrusive girl into the mix, who happens to be touched. Oh and by the way, just for kicks... let's make sure she has a crush on ol' Nate too! Thanks! I like that! Hey, could ya maybe ram a red hot poker up my ass too?

So what am I supposed to do? Go talk to her parents? Oh that's gonna go over well. It doesn't matter what I say, what they'll hear is, "Hey! Keep your tard at home!" Of course, by the way she acts, and general observation, they don't seem to care what happens to her. We've often thought that they send her out just hoping she gets hit by a car or abducted or something.

So now that I've decided that chasing her off with a stick isn't an option... what the hell am I supposed to do? Jeb's not gonna give up throwin' rocks in the alley... and I can't take this shit anymore. I don't want to upset the girl. If she wasn't touched, it would be easy. I just tell her to leave us alone. That ain't right though... at least I don't think it is.

Screw it... I'm drinkin'.