The Irrefutable Stupidity of Consumer Reports

I realize that this is a magazine that is produced to help women, and lazy men, decide what to buy and what not too. I realize that when marketing to women, and lazy men a company is best served by telling them what they already think they know.

I also know that that's pretty much all that goes on at Consumer Reports.

The biases in this magazine are plain to anyone who reads it objectively. Objectivity... Now there's something you won't find in Consumer Reports... I'll guarantee you that. In order to demonstrate though... Let me point out some of the stupid things that CS has done and said in the last few years:

1) They Rate the Reliability of the Nissan Titan as Very Good, while they complain about "early reliability problems" with the Nissan Armada. Please note that the Armada is built on the Titan frame, get's power from the Titan's engine, which twists gears in a Titan Transmission to spin wheels connected to a Titan suspension. The only difference between the Titan, and the Armada is the independant rear suspension of the Armada which has no reports of any related issues. In other words... They are the same truck. Idiots.

2) In one article about the Chevy Vortec 5.3L (327) they refer to numerous mechanical issues that plague the motor, and in another article they refer to the "Rock Solid Reliability of GMC's 5.3L". So... the 5.3L Vortec that you get in your Tahoe is bad... but the 5.3L you get in your Sierra is good. This wouldn't bother me so much if I didn't know that they are the exact same engine and come off the exact same assembly line.

3) Speaking of Chevy Trucks... This just in... According to Consumer Reports the suspension on the Z-71 is a little stiff. Stiff? Ya think? It's an Off Road suspension package you idiots! It's supposed to be stiff! They pick the stiffest suspension that GM offers, then they use it to judge the ride of whole lines of GM products. Which, again, wouldn't bother me so much if they actually judged the standard "smooth ride" suspension, and not the optional Off Road suspension.

4) Troopers fall over. Remember that? The special report that showed the Isuzu Trooper dropping over on its side? For years they had women believing that the truck would suddenly tip over while they were trying to park it. Of course... We now know that Isuzu won a multi-million dollar lawsuit, and that the tests were rigged, and the outcome was pre-determined. The main piece of evidence in the case being Consumer Report's own test video. Notice they don't test Isuzu's anymore?

5) Honda Passport: Recommended. Isuzu Rodeo: Not Recommended. Huh? Same truck you morons. And yes... this particular gem came out before the law suit about the Trooper.

6) Their two major complaints about the previous generation of Covettes: 1) No place for gorceries. 2) Feel every bump in the road. The is rather like complaining about a pick-up coming with that wierd looking 8-foot box on the end.

7) Dodge's V-8 had massive reliablity issues in the late 90's. They were blowing up left and right, just out of warranty, and no one was fixing it. Through out the span and the years that followed, consumer reports recommended several vehicles equipped with that engine, and they still do.

Consumer Reports markets to the kind of people who drive Honda Accords... and I mean that in the most insulting way possible. The best kind of car, is one that doesn't feel like a car at all. So by all means... If you want someone to tell you to buy a Toyota, you should go pick up the latest issue. Of course... Why would you though? You already know it right? Everything Honda and Toyota make is good. Everything that Ford, GM, and Chrysler makes is bad. Because you know... those Japanese engineers are just smarter than us dumb ol' Americans.

Just once.. I'd love to pick up an issue of Consumer Reports, without being able to correctly predict the outcome of every test.