General Update

I'm sure y'all remember my problems with the little tard girl and her crush on me. Well... I think it's time for an update...

School's started, so Jeb and I can now go out and play in peace in the moring. In the afternoon however, we're prisoners. And to make matters worse... She is constantly knocking on our door. "Can Jebediah come out and play?"

He's 1 for crying out loud!

Of course... her crush on me has worsened considerably. As bad as it was when she would just stare at me, I now find myself longing for those days. You see.. now she talks... all the time. The poor kid desperately tries to carry on a conversation... but... it's like talking to a 4 year old... but it's a 4 year old who's in the 8th grade... so... it's a 4 year old who wants to talk about things like... SEX! GAH! She talks to Julie about it! About how bad it would be if she got pregnant! And my poor wife is pregnant... so she can't even come inside and drink that shit away!

Speaking of drinking...

Yesterday we were on the front porch with Jeb... and of course... Erin was there.... Well I stretched.. and when I did, my shirt came up a little bit... Erin looks at my stomach... and lifts up my shirt and starts petting me! Petting my stomach and chest!

Drink it away Nate... Drink it away...

To make matters worse, there is now two of them... Taylor... who is in the 4th grade and not a tard. In fact, she's a sweet kid, and Jeb loves her... But she continually knocks on the door as well... We have to sneak out of the house to keep them from running after us... when we come home, we have to rush to get into the house before they run up to the car! They'll open the doors and try to get Jeb out themselves! I'm nice... I talk to them all the time... beleive it or not... I'm convinced these girls think I like them a lot... So I'm doing ok... the only people who know that I want to choke the life from them are me, julie, you, and my non-hippy neighbors with whom I comiserate.

Oh.. yeah.. and did I mention that two Damned Dirty Hippies(DDH) have moved in next door? From Berkley California????

BERKLEY!!!!

Yes... Yes... they told us they were drawn here by the "Diversity of Intellectual People" that University towns bring together...

Oh really? Ya like a diverse group of people huh? I guess we'll find out if that's the case soon enough. I'll bet you're gonna love livin' next to a couple of gun totin' rightwing extremists.

Makes me miss the Witch.

See.. I'm a private person. I just want people to leave me alone. This is why I'm going to live on a great mountain... in an underground bunker... behind thick concrete walls... and scores of Rottweilers.... I'm undecided on the mote... I have a small group of friends who I am always happy to see. I'd have them with me continually if I had my way... but I would prefer that everyone else.... EVERYONE... leave me alone.

I've no use for you. I don't want to hear from you. If you knock on my door, I expect you to need something, and if you do, I'll happily help you. If you don't need something though... If you just want to chit-chat... I'm going to be polite to you until I find some excuse to make you go away, and the whole time I'm going to be fantazing about doing you some great undescribable harm.

I'm not a social person. You know why? Because social means "Interacting with people", and I don't like people! People in general, are incredibly stupid. They run about talking about what's on TV, and what they saw on TV, and what they are going to see on TV. Mindless Trolls.

Of course... Its been so long since I've been around "my people"... Perhaps I don't really hate people... Perhaps I just hate groups of people... mall people... neighborhood people... walmart people... all compounded by the fact that they aren't just mall people... they're Yankee mall people... Yankee neighborhood people... and Yankee Walmart people...

S... O... S...

Help...

Me...