Wednesday, February 25, 2015

GamerGate Motivators...

***begin Sarah Mclachlan song***
Every day a SJW remains employed a mean Eskimo man clubs a cute baby seal.  

Have you gotten a Social Justice Warrior fired today?

Why do you hate the cute baby seals?

***fade out***

Friday, February 20, 2015

Doing Lent Right

I have these friends...  absolutely awesome couple...  with two awesome kids.  Just good... fun... kind people all around.   And.. they are prototypical southrons...  very churchy southrons... but not in a judgemental way.  These aren't gossips or busy bodies.

But they are...  reserved. 

So I was talking to them the other day about Mardi Gras and Lent and all...  and I learned something amazing.

For Lent they have given up their marital inhibitions.


Turns out hanging out with us for Mardi Gras reminded them that they it was ok to let loose and have fun sometimes.  They decided they had gotten old and gotten in a rut and it was time to get out of it.

I defy you to name a better vice to give up for Lent.

Sunday, February 15, 2015

On Mardi Gras

Holy Crap man....  Mardi Gras...

Let me just say that I am a huge fan of Mardi Gras.  Whoever came up with this idea... is a damned genius.  Why have one holiday dedicated to debauchery?   Why not 40 days of it?   After all... there are 40 days of Lent right? 

When we moved down here I was utterly ignorant about Mardi Gras.  I mean sure... I knew about the debauchery in New Orleans...but the actual holiday season concept was something I knew nothing about.  So... we set out to learn.

We went to parades...  and last night...  we went to our first Mardi Gras Ball.   Now a Mardi Gras Ball is a study in irony. You dress up like this...  and go get totally smashed and while singing Blister in the Sun at the Karaoke booth... or dancing while the band rocks Stevie Ray Vaughn and Alabama tunes.

How much fun did we have?

Well I started an IV for my wife this morning... so that should tell you something.

All in all it was the most authentic southern celebration I have ever participated in.  Both rigidly structured (white tie and tails or your ass ain't getting in the door) and totally uninhibited partying (cops were there... but that didn't stop one dude from literally climbing under his wife's dress right in the middle of the dance floor.  and really no one much noticed or cared.) ...  it was bizarrely awesome.

Plus... the whole night I felt like I should be carrying a stainless Walther PPK.

What do you think guys?  micro 1911s for formal events?  or PPKs?

Who says men know nothing about fashion?

Anyway...  if you don't have Mardi Gras where you live...  you're missing out.  Badly.  New Orleans claims Mardi Gras as its own... but in reality the first Mardi Gras was in Mobile Alabama... not New Orleans.  So piss on them coon asses.  Bama had it first.

Friday, February 13, 2015

Destiny: Gaming's Ultimate Christian Allegory

I know I know... this isn't a gaming blog...  but I am most certainly a gamer.  And tonight... I want to write about what I consider to be the greatest game of the 21st century:  Destiny.

For those of you who don't know Destiny is a new style of game.  Its an open world game like so many others where you can go and do whatever you want.  You can play in story mode... or you can just run missions on various planets... or you can go play multi-player PVP...  whatever.   The game world itself is simply huge.  Like World of Warcraft huge.  The graphics... are simply amazing.  Easily on par with say... the latest Assassins Creed.  The mechanics and game play are absolutely fantastic... and the acting in the story mode is off the charts.

All of those things are great reasons to love the game.. but they are not why I love the game.

I love the game because the game is a giant Christian allegory. 

Reading the reviews of the game... that statement may seem odd.  The thing people most consistently criticize Destiny for... is the lack of a coherent storyline.  What I am going to tell you is... for the most part the liberals in the media simply aren't paying attention in some cases... and on others... they are missing it... but are turned off on some subconscious level and they likely don't understand why.  The reason is... because Destiny's story is the Story of Christianity.

Right about now many of you who have in fact played Destiny are going... dude..  what?

So I shall explain.

Destiny is set far in the future... and begins... with your character's resurrection... or... to think of it another way... your rebirth.   And what is responsible for that rebirth?  A Ghost of course.  Now in this case the Ghost is actually a little bit of light surrounded by a box of sorts that does all sorts of things for you.  In fact... all of your powers come from the same light the Ghost is made of. 

The first thing the Ghost tells you is... you've been dead a long time... and a lot is different now... and things aren't going to make a whole lot of sense to you.  You are a Guardian.. and he is your Ghost.

As you go through the first few missions you learn about a thing called the Traveler... which is the source of the light.  You really have no idea what it is.. you just know its good.. and it protected everyone from The Bad Things... and now its sleeping and you and others with the light have to protect it and push back against the forces of darkness.

On the surface this seems like boiler plate stuff.  Light... Dark.. Good.. Bad.. blah blah blah.

Until you learn that the Traveler actually died... it sacrificed itself in the last giant battle with The Bad Guys.  It took parts of itself... little lights... and created the Ghosts...  and the Ghosts serve as special guides and helpers to the Guardians.

The story is extremely in depth and no doubt could fill several epic size novels... but Bungie has chosen to reveal that story in the way the Character is living it.  That's another key to the allegory.  A new Christian knows what he experiences and only that.  The Holy Spirit...  or Holy GHOST... is his only guide in some cases.  If he is to learn more... he must make an effort to do so.  He must read and study and learn.  Destiny is that way.  The story leaks out in the missions but if you really want to know what's going on you have to go read Bungie's Grimnoir Cards... which you unlock with various achievements.  The more you do... the more you learn.

By now the allegory should be obvious as well as the symbolism.  The Ghosts represent the Holy Spirit...  the even serve precisely the same function.  The Traveler is Jesus... and you... a Guardian... are a new Christian.  The opening scene is your rebirth into the church.  It is your baptism... it is you "being saved" as the Baptists would say.

You are reborn into a fallen world....  in it.. but not of it.  And oh yes.. the world is even under control of an enemy named The Fallen.  The last city on human city on earth... Tower... where the Traveler rests... is the small c catholic (meaning whole) church.   And there... we even find different denominations... and different political factions as well.  Everyone different... everyone on the same team.  Even if there is some in-fighting.

There are many obvious references to Halo.. and many people compare Destiny to Halo. But one thing is remarably different.  That thing is the community around the games.  Halo's community is notoriously obnoxious.  Its the worst of the worst in the FPS world...  filled with foul mouthed 9 year olds repeating the curse word they recently learned as often as possible.

Destiny however is possibly the most kind online gaming community I've ever associated myself with.  There are groups that have formed up... like Dads of Destiny that are made of specifically of fathers who love the game but have their priorities in order.   One of the first nights my son was playing the game... a level 32 player lead him all around Earth showing him where the secret gold chests were with special loot.  He had no reason to help my son... he was just a noob right?  They had no voice or chat options open.  He just used hand signals to lead my son around.  This took 45 minutes or so.  But he took the time to do it. 

That's Destiny...  A brilliant Christian allegory.... and the finest artistic creation of the 21st century... in any medium.

Thursday, February 05, 2015

Calling Out Texas

Hey!    Texas!   Swagger on over here little sister its time for a come to Jesus meetin'.

Ya know your "Don't Mess with Texas" crap?  I'm sick of it.  You're all hat and no cattle.  How can I say that?  I'm glad you asked.

You have some of the worst gun laws of any red state.  In fact... your gun laws are so bad... they aren't even as good as freaking Ohio.  Open carry is legal in Ohio... and your state is so facist on Conceal Carry...  its not even as good as freaking Minnesota!

MINNESOTA!!!!   You know?  Those morons that elected freakin' Al Franken and sent him to the Senate?   They have better carry laws than you do.

Freedom?  Rugged independence?

Shut the hell up.

You're like the Illinois of the Southwest.  You're like freakin' New York.  You have carry laws but they suck so bad they may as well not exist.

So screw you Texas.

I don't want to hear shit from you until you get your crap together.

Call me when you grow a pair of balls.

Oh... one more thing...  You suck at college football too.

Tuesday, February 03, 2015

Pro-Vaccine Racists

Here... is a quote from that flakey rag...  the Washington Post:

A study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association — Pediatrics last year found that 88 percent of measles cases in the country “were internationally imported or epidemiologically or virologically linked to importation.”

The story of vaccines is less about and health... and more about the haves and have-nots.  It is a class stuggle and always has been.

The fact is the vast majority of the problem is not caused by Jenny McCarthy or by very educated white people that happen to be vaccine skeptics.  The problem is lots of immigrants arrive at our shores looking or a better life and they often come from places where infectious diseases like measles are a real problem.

So... my dear pro-vaccination fanatics....   stop ranting about Jenny McCarthy and say what you really mean.  Your problem isn't with rich well-educated white people.

You're not upset about Rand Paul delaying his kid not getting a Hepatitis C vaccination.

You're upset about these dirty diseased brown and yellow people.   "Those" people.

You're not pro-science or pro-health.

You're just another bigot.

Sunday, February 01, 2015

Super Bowl Predictions!

I hope the Seahawks win.   I hate Brady.  I hate the stupid Hoodie.  I hate the patriots.  I hate boston.  Hell I hate that whole region.

But I don't think the Seahawks can win it.  The Seahawks D is vastly over rated.  They are undersized up the middle and teams with big offensive lines simply push them off the ball and run all over them.  Dallas pounded them badly this year that way. 

The Patriots have a big nasty oline... and Blount is a physical running back with great vision. 

The Patriots are going to win this thing by pounding them straight up the middle. 

I hope the Seahawks prove me wrong.