Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Elkan is Unimpressed

The Black Widow spider is... with good reason... among the creepiest creatures on the entire planet. Its venom is a neurotoxin that can be fatal... most often to the young or old... but young adults do rarely die.

The toxin causes severe muscle spasms and often whole body reactions... causing resperatory issue and severe nausea.

So yesterday morning... we're all in the pool swimming... when Jeb starts shouting about a spider on Elkan. DrWho is on it instantly.. and flicks the wretched beast into the water.. where I scoop it up and throw in onto the pool deck.

Once up there myself I find the stunned creature is in fact a female black widow... and its not a small one... the spots down her back indicate she's the Northern variety... fucking yankees.


Problem solved.

Well.. until about 15 minutes later when I realize the little fella has an obvious bite on his shoulder... plain as day.

As you can imagine the next three hours are a little frantic... but to spare myself reliving them... I will say only this... He didn't show a single symptom. He laughed and played and did his thing... and the bite mark has all but disappeared at this point.

Elkan thinks black widows are pussies.

Monday, September 29, 2008

I Apologize

Apparently someone decided to take advantage of my vacation. The made ignorant and classless comments that I am fairly certain would never have been posted had I been on the watch.

I am greatly irritated that one should use my blog to vomit such cud.

Be advised...

There are very very few rules here. In fact... its harder to get banned here than it is to get banned at just about any other blog. Don't irritate DrWho. And don't piss off Spacebunny.

Father of the Year

When a man broke in to his teenaged daughters bedroom... wearing nothing but gloves, a mask, and a raging hardon... Daddy did the only reasonable thing he could think of.

He killed the psycho with his bare hands.

The police apparently arrived to find Daddy (that capitalization is deliberate. It shouldn't need to be explained.) clutching the would be rapist in some terrible submission hold. It took them several minutes to convince Daddy to let the bastard go. When he finally did... the freak slumped "unresponsively" to the floor.

Daddy had apparently choked the bastard out... for good.

Some are saying the father had no weapon... but I prefer to believe Daddy considered shooting him... then decided it wasn't personal enough.

A few things we can conclude... One... No teenaged boy will ever sneak into that girl's room... and Two... that teenaged girl will likely never disobey again... ever.

Thursday, September 18, 2008


Ok seriously... Our lives just got a little bit more interesting. I mean damn... a man is stuck in an air duct of a knoxville museum... calls 911... and claims he was dropped on the roof by a helicopter. He was supposed to disarm and retrieve a nuke... a MERV to be exact... from a... a... ahem... apparently it was supposed to be hidden in a plastic cow statue in the basement.

I'm serious.

Nuke in a plastic cow... in knoxville... which the American Illuminati... director Womack apparently... sent him to fetch. Badge number 0931.

So not only are the illuminati out there... they have badges... and you know... they're also ummm... comicly incompetent.

Alrighty then.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Kawasaki Heavy Industries

Take a look at this pic. Any idea what that is? Here's a hint... it weighs 2,400 tons... and it produces 100,000 horsepower. Yeah... its a deisel engine... from hell. Take close look at the scale of the thing. See the saftey rails? See the guy standing on it? For the record its 12 cylinder engine with a bore and stroke is 1m by 3m. I mean... damn.

The general public things Kawasaki is a company that makes motorcycles. In truth... they make everything from bridges to massive cargo vessels.
Every engineer in the world should dream of working for Kawasaki. Seriously. The company basicly decides what markets to get into by asking itself... "Would ten year old boys think this is cool?" Ok... maybe they don't... but if they had... the results wouldn't be any different.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Bike Budgets

Boysmom chimed in a while back and asked a doosie of a question. Wat should be budgeted to aquire a capable motorcycle... and the required gear?

Now first of all... no one should hold illusions of riding through a hail storm. Yes... lots of fellow adventurers have been caught in hail storms before... but take it from me... at 60 mph... hail hurts.


Lets consider some options though... sounds like she was looking for a commuter that could deal with the elements. You could roll two ways... You could go with a BMW... that's a great option... but realisticly you'd need 10 grand to pick up a nice 1150GS and the safety gear to go with it. You may aquire it for less... but I couldn't guarantee it.

The other option is a Kawasaki KLR650. With 5 grand you could have a nice late model klr and all the gear necessary to make it a rock star commuter.

Either of these bikes would have hardbags... electric outlets for heated vests (which would be your best bet) and heated grips.

Another good option... not quite as rugged perhaps... would be kawasaki versys... that would be somewhere in the middle.

Friday, September 12, 2008

ATF: The Chill The Fuck Out Edition

What in the blue hell is wrong with you people? Some idiot on cable news says gas may double in price over the next week... and every one of you morons shows up at the gas station... then ya panic when you realize that... duh... if everyone buys gas at the same time... we all run out of gas.

Exactly how many extra chromosomes do you people have?

This is a damned catagory 2 storm. Its freaking rain. You've lit your damned panties on fire and given these greedy bastards a golden opertunity to rape the shit out of us. You're freakin' out about a gas shortage... and these pricks are paying for their new boats by jacking up their prices on gas that is already in the damned ground!

Hey dumbass! You have a full tank. You don't need more. Next week... all this shit will be forgotten about... and you will have paid 3 dollars a gallon to much for gas you didn't even need!

The fucking sky is not fucking falling! Do you fucking understand you ignorant fuck?


Now shut up and drink your beer... watch your football... and smoke your damned smoke.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Prayers for a Father

Today (thursday) is the sentencing hearing for the father of a mutual friend of ours. By ours... I mean yours and mine. If you know... you know. Be discrete in the comments. Prayers are always appreciated.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Dave Ramsey = Idiot

Now... let me preface this public flogging. Dave is not wrong about personal debt. By all means... work to become debt free. Cut up your credit cards. The spanking I'm about to administer is purely related to his column... a mailbag of sorts... where in he responds to a question about inflation. A woman emailed him and ask him to explain what inflation is. This is his answer:

"Basically, inflation is the increase in the cost of something. For example, if the inflation rate of gasoline is 10 percent, that means the cost of gas went up by 10 percent.

There are a lot of variables involved when the price of a product increases. One of these is simple supply and demand economics. This means that if there's a shortage of a product, it's perceived to be more valuable. The result of this is almost a bidding war of sorts, and it will cause prices to go up.

The opposite is true if there's an over abundance of a product or item. If you've got 10 people wanting 100 items, then you've got a soft market, and the prices will go down. That's called "deflation."

That's a pretty simple factor, but the variables can get complicated and interconnected. If you're buying food from another country, that particular country's economic situation affects our economy because it's a component of our economy.

Or let's say you're building a house, and shingles for the roof are more expensive than they used to be. Well, there's oil in singles, and the price of a box of shingles may have gone up because the price of oil went up. So then, you're looking at a scenario where oil caused housing prices to rise."

Ridiculous. Utter idiocy. Pure unadulterated bunk. Ramsey describes perfectly natural and normal changes in supply and demand and then calls it inflation.

This confusion is pure Keynesian stupidity.

Prior to 1930 everyone knew that inflation had nothing to do with individual prices. Inflation is related to money supply. Price increases are symptoms of inflation. They are not the cause. When governments print to much damn money... that is inflation. Yes... prices go up... because the individual dollars in your bank account are worth less... because... as I said before... The government printed to damned many of them.

Ramsey has an enormous audiance... and its made up almost completely of the economicly illiterate. They trust him implicitly. So when he writes stupid crap like this... they believe him. They now know that any time a price goes up... you call that inflation... and any time a price goes down... its deflation.

No doubt they are all scratching their heads wondering why on earth massive deflation would be a bad thing. After all.. if everything were cheaper... they could buy more right?

Dave should be punched in the face for writing this. He is perpetuating a deadly ignorance. He is fascilitating the fiscal suicide of the nation he claims to love, by disarming the public of the information necessary to prevent it.

Not that preventing it is necessarily desirable of course.

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Jerry Reed And Chet Atkins Jerrys Breakdown

The music in Heaven is a little better today. Mainstream America only knows him for Smokey and the Bandit... or as the football coach in Waterboy... but the truth is the man was a phenom on the guitar. He wrote... at least 20 songs that Chet Atkins recorded... he wrote songs for Elvis... and the all time greats... I mean Clapton.. BB King... Les Paul... They all knew, respected, and loved Jerry.

Brad Paisley tells a story about a time he got to play with BB King... about three seconds after he picked up his guitar BB said, "Oh... You're like Jerry Reed."

He didn't mean Brad was a good as Jerry... he was talking about the style. Brad's good... but he ain't Jerry... and Brad would be the first to say it.

The world lost a character... but Heaven gained a helluva picker. I sure hope he and Chett are havin' a big time.

Monday, September 01, 2008

Fire Fulmer

When will the idiots in Knoxville finally wake up and see that Phill Fulmer is out of touch... and is incapable of producing SEC Championships?

The loss Monday Night was unacceptable. If the man gave a damn about the University of Tennessee.. he'd resign effective immediately.

He is an embarassment.

John Chavis is an embarassment.

This football team... is an embarassment.
Be Sure to Read the Shirt

For you ol' timers... her shirt says, "I may be broke, but I'm not flat busted."