Thursday, September 30, 2004

The Debates

Tonight we'll be watching Texas Chainsaw Masscre to get fired up for the "debate". I put that in quotes because what we'll actually be seeing is something between a train wreck, and well deserved butt-kickin'.

While I take no pleasure in Dubya's victory, I shall get great satisfaction from seeing a world class prick's self imposed humilation on such a grand stage.

I personally like Dubya, and I find Kerry to be... Well.. have you ever met someone... and just by the look of them you hated him? That's how I feel about Kerry. From the first time I laid eyes on him I thought "prick"... and his actions have reinforced that ever since.

So light 'em up boys! It's gonna be a big time tonight!

Sincere Christian Homosexuals

Dr Terence Paige comments on why one's feelings have no bearing on ethical behavior.

-consider the spirituality of gay Christians, in light of their sincere convictions about their own faith, their own spirituality, their own submission to Christ's lordship. (At this point, it is not entirely clear to me whether "non-practicing," "practicing", or both were intended in some of those posts; but for the sake of the argument, let us assume "practicing" sexually active gay Christians).

I confess that it puzzles me why this line of argument would be made by my theologian colleagues at all. Since when did one's feelings become the standard of ethical behavior? Experience, history, and sociology all tell us that people with good intentions can be embarassed or pressured by the group (or society) into changing their behavior and their values; and people with an evil purpose can be emboldened by certain circumstances to commit evil with impunity. Sin has so infected the world-construct that we humans make, that even the voice of conscience is affected by it. I would think we are all well aware that there were plenty of slave owners in this country before the civil war who attended church, prayed and believed utterly sincerely, and whose consciences apparently did not bother them at all! Was slavery "right for them" to practice, then? And there were plenty of Southerners who, in the name of Christ, opposed civil rights and school integration; not to mention Dutch Reformed believers in South Africa who supported and provided the theological constructs to maintain Apartheid. Would they only be wrong if their consciences bothered them? Was there nothing aberrant and needing correction in their discipleship?

In short, does a claim to follow Jesus as Lord baptize any behavior of the claimant?
Granted, some of the stories told here--and many more not told--are heart-wrenching. But the wife who is abandoned by a husband who "discovers" he is gay has her heart wrenched also; as do his family members; and those who looked to such a person for spiritual example and advice. The hurt is not all one sided. Sin is always heart-wrenching, and wreaks its corruption on God's good creation. To say that a homosexual person has feelings, has skills, has a quest for meaning and for God, has a family, and has value, is to say nothing more than that this is a human being. This is true of ALL human beings. It is true of humans who commit other evils, too. Does not the wife-beater have value as a human being? Does he not have something valuable to contribute to the church or to society? He may even be a skilled architect, doctor, carpenter, or other productive member of society. He may have had spiritual gifts. He may have friends who admire him when he is not beating his wife. But none of this, I dare say, would encourage a modern Christian leader to condone wife-beating, or to argue that the church should accept wife-beating as merely an alternate form of Christian relationship style. But wait: there is no commandment against wife-beating; we are not bound by Law anyway; and Jesus never mentioned wife-beating in his recorded teaching. So perhaps we should not be so legalistic about wife-beaters....

Let's not forget, the very definition of a sociopath is someone who does evil without a qualm of conscience.

Amen, and Amen. Man I wish I could claim to have written this.

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

The Great Liberal Stupid

I hate people. I really do. I hate them, because for the most part, they put no thought into anything they say or do. They simply say what they think sounds good whether they in fact believe it or not, and after repeating it enough times, they actually convince themselves that they believe it. This describes no group better than left-coast liberals, specifically, and to a lesser degree, city folk in general.

Just listening to these people talk makes me want to choke the life from them. But let's be specific shall we? How about we invent an archatypical pasty white liberal twenty-something male. We'll call him John.

John doesn't believe that there are any standards for right or wrong. Do what thou wilt, so long as you don't infringe on someone else's rights. John proclaims that above all things he is open minded, and the only thing that offends him, is closed-mindedness. John says this with a straight face, and fully expects others to think wonderful thoughts about how brilliant he is when they hear it.

Now that we know John, and let's face it... we all know at least one John... how about we just examine his claims shall we?

Here as some questions for John:

1. John claims that there is no standard for right and wrong. Fine. So if I then want to refuse to allow black people into my bar, that should be ok with John. I should be able to refuse to hire homosexuals based on the fact that I don't like queers. Now you can imagine that John is red faced, screaming that descrimination is wrong. Funny... Aparently there are standards for Right and Wrong after all. See, it's not the standards John has a problem with. It's standards that disagree with HIS that bother him.

2. Closed-mindedness offends John. Really? All closed mindedness, or just some? I mean... how sure are you that 2+2=4? That's closed mindedness isn't it? So not all closed-mindedness is offensive then. Now isn't it true that someone who was truely openminded in all things would be just as comfortable at a Klan rally as he would be at a Rainbow Convention? Again, John is not offended by closed-mindedness at all. He's only offended by closed-mindedness that disagrees with him. Are we noticing a pattern here? How open minded do ya think John would be to the suggestion that say... maybe the South was legally correct, and the North was wrong to invade? If you answered "not very", move to the head of the class.

John is just as closed-minded as the average Klansman, and twice as ignorant. After all, at least the Klansman knows what he believes and why. John just lies to himself until he believes the lie. John practices the religion of Humanism... which claims to reject dogma, while it is just as dogmatic as any fundamentalist religion anywhere in the world.

Of course... John has never thought of any of this. He's not put on bit of thought into anything he's ever said about the matter. Someone said something, and it struck him as cool, and so he applied it to himself, and adopted it for his own.

This is the Great Liberal Stupid. Its formulating opinions based on nothing beyond initial emotional responses. It's the haze that so many people walk around in that protects them from having to face the cold face of reality.

So hey... if you see John today, have him stop by and read this. It'll be worth putting up with his idiocy for a few minutes just to see the fit he'll throw.

Oh yeah... and John... if you really are reading this... and I haven't made it absolutely clear yet... then let me be blunt:


Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Try, and try again

God bless the Southern Baptists. I'm sure y'all remember the mess they stirred up when they started talkin' about a resolution that would ask parents to remove their kids from government schools. Well it failed to pass at the national convention... but it looks like they're gonna give it a whirl at the state level now. The resolution is being pushed at several state conventions: Texas, Virginia, Missouri, Tennessee, California, South Carolina, Illinois, Florida, North Carolina and the Baptist Convention of New England, which covers Connecticut, Vermont, Maine Massachusetts, Rhode Island and New Hampshire.

Give'em Hell Y'all!

Monday, September 27, 2004

The Debates

I've already used the Briar Patch analogy with regard to this election, and while I wish I could avoid it, it keeps popping into my head.

First, Bush doesn't want 3 debates, only two. Now, he reluctantly agrees to 3.

While I have no respect for Bush, the President, I have much respect for Bush the Politician. This fits right in with the man's style. He's Al Pacino's Satan from The Devil's Advocate. He wants to be underestimated. He wants to be seen as an dumb.

Thats what makes this such a stupendous mis-match. Kerry, ever the supreme big brain, already knows Bush is dumb. You can hear the man cringe when he somehow forces out the words, "Bush is a fine debater". He says it like he's just barely able to avoid reflux.

Kerry is gonna throw his fastball to a hitter who's made his living destroying fastballs.

If that's not bad enough... Now some famously stupid advisor has convinced the man to channel Howard Dean. He's going to get on TV and try to tell the American people they've lost a war. This is his strategy. Only a Democrat psychofant could possibly believe that such a tactic will lead anywhere but disaster. No one wants to hear that their side is losing, least of all, Americans.

This all comes down to two tremendous misconceptions that the democrats have.

1) That they won the debate on Vietnam.

2) That they are smarter than their opponents.

At some point... were I Dubya... I'd wait for Mr Kerry to make some infatic point... something that he thinks really went over well. You can see it in his stance when he does it. He sort of backs up from the podium and looks around like "Did ya hear that? God I'm Brilliant!".

That's when I would say to the Moderator, "Excuse me, but could you ask that same question again in about 30 minutes? That way we can make sure Mr Kerry hasn't changed his mind."

BAM! Election Over.

Sunday, September 26, 2004

Beware the Dragon

I found the following cautionary "tail" in my inbox this morning courtesy of JAC. I spoke to hime just after the incident and he sounded a little shook up, but no worse than Bane after an hour or so of Terms of Endearment.

Did you know it is a bad idea to put exactly $6.66 worth of gas in your bike before tangling with the Dragon? I didn't make that up - it happened.
Did you know GSXR1000's are faster than the GPz? And 954's? And ZX9's? I did too. But, for some reason I was surprised when that R1 zipped by me on the Tail of the Dragon at Deal's Gap today...

Anyhoo, I was pretty well in the groove so I picked it up a bit - Mainly hitting the straights (such as there are) harder. The GPz makes up ground there! (47 tooth rear, second gear, 7000+ rpm, WFO!) I still had him in sight and was setting up for the second apex on a double apex left hander when ANOTHER R1 tries to occupy a piece of my lane that I had made reservations for. We were both headed for MY apex, so I stood her up and went wide when I was set up for tight on the centerline. Thought I had it saved when that fickle white line let go of my rear Azaro 180 (Which had been doing one hell of a job up to that point). That's my story; there IS a vanishingly small chance, I even hesitate to mention it, that I was a bit 'Injudicious' with the 'GO!' handle for such a precarious situation....
The GPz flopped out from under me and did a 180 into and right back out of the ditch so I was staring at the front tire when I ceased pavement surfing. She was still running.
I am happy to report all protective gear functioned beyond expectation.
1) Joe Rocket Phoenix Jacket - Very minor roadrash - Protected shoulder and elbow from pretty serious impact.
2) AGV summer pants - No rash - protected hip and knees from hard impact.
3) Alpinestars boots (Duhamel) - worked great other than filling w/ gravel :-)
4) HJC SYMAX Helmet - never felt a thing and my head hit left side hinge HARD. Do I have to throw it away now??
5) Joe Rocket Gloves - did the job. No injury.
Bear in mind I was only doing maybe 40mph (Accelerating!)

The GPz suffered a broken clutch lever, a broken windscreen, broken peg/shifter mount casting, and MAJOR scuffs to lower left fairing, and alternator cover.
There is a shop in Robbinsville, NC called 'Wheelers'. Mr. Wheeler put Big Red back on the road for $35.00 plus $19.95 for a clutch lever in under one hour! That includes welding the peg/shifter casting. And, yes, it shifts better now. I consider Mr. Wheeler one of God's chosen few and a motorcycle saint. I'll kick anyone's ass that say's different.
Mr. Wheeler rides a '97 TL1000s from hell (the faster red kind) that he would not sell to me. But, that's another story...

You know old man... Suzuki makes some nice looking cruisers. Maybe its time you settle down and start acting your age. Leave the big bikes to them what rides 'em right.
Something Wicked...

The House Republicans have begun their push for legislation to deal with terrorism based on the 9/11 commisions recommendations. Putting aside for a moment the fact that the commission had no credibility what-so-ever, let's look at the legislation itself shall we?

Among dozens of provisions of the House bill is a measure that would make it easier for government agents to conduct surveillance of terrorism suspects who operate with no clear connection to foreign groups.

I added the italics there. No clear connection... Hrmm.... How about we word that a little differently... let's try...

Among dozens of provisions of the House bill is a measure that would make it easier for government agents to conduct surveillance of you.

I sure hope we get the newer 8x10 gulags... that extra 2 feet makes all the difference ya know?

Saturday, September 25, 2004

Joy's Update

I got this email a few days ago from my hot little sister-in-law... who is not pregnant... dammit. Any further discussion of such unspeakable attrocities will be dealt with harshly. It's long, but worth it. I mean... now you all know someone who is teaching the twin sons of cartel members. How cool is that? Anyway... here ya go...

Hey y’all! Here is an update on all the going ons down here in Colombia. First off, I’m safe and well. It was hell getting the work VISA before leaving, of which you’ve already heard a little with the notarizing transcript in an envelope deal. I had to drive to Nashville twice to finally get it all straight. A week before I’m supposed to leave I find out that I have to leave in two days actually. The thieves!, they stole five days! At the Miami airport, I was one of the last to board the plane because apparently I was one of five people not boarding with small children. This meant that there was no room for my carryon, so, I’m in row 4, but my carryon is placed at the back of the plane in like row 55. My arrival flight into Cali was a little late which meant that three international flights arrived all at the same time. So I’m literally the last passenger off the plane because I had to wait for all to clear out to go back to get my bag. It takes about two hours before I’m cleared through Immigration and Customs and find my suitcases…two huge ones with two carryons…carrying by myself, while having to closely guard my laptop so it doesn’t get stolen. On the trip home we have four people squeezed into the back seat because one suitcase occupies the front.
Upon arrival I’m given two pieces of information I wish I had known before leaving. One is that I was told I would be teaching the 5-6 year olds. In fact that was changed and I was moved to the 4-5 year olds, which meant that all the teaching materials I had brought with me to use, like flashcards and such, were too advanced. Great! The other thing was that the apartment promised me was not ready for me to move in immediately, so I would be living with a couple, whom I already knew and like, for a couple days, then moved in with a family, whom I already knew and used to like…jkjk. But this family opened my eyes to the few things that I dislike about Latino culture. EVERYTHING they say, they say with a whine. I handled it okay for about a week and a half living with them, but after two weeks, I was damn ready to move out because I was starting to mutter to myself all day "Quit your bitchin’!" Unfortunately, I’ve learned I have to do this with my students in order to not be offensive as well. I pray to God this doesn’t become a habit. Another thing is that they are a touchy-feely culture. And I thought my family was bad. There would be the mom and dad and 15 year old daughter and 9 year old son all in bed together spending ‘quality time’ together. I’m sorry, but in the States, as social worker might have been called after seeing them.
So week two I finally got my own apartment, the day before classes started. Let me tell you about the apartment. Not in the complex I was told about. It’s closer to the mall, about a 3 min. walk, if even. There is no oven, so the school bought a toaster oven. Time to cry…this means no biscuits or chicken casserole! There are three bedrooms, one spare is empty, the other became the living room. There is no hot water heater…let me tell you about this. So far I’ve taken 17 freezing cold showers. I complain to the school, they ‘act’ surprised. They say ‘we’re working on it.’ They’ve been ‘working on it’ for over two weeks now! Just when I’m about to throw down the gloves to get one, they tell me they just bought me one. I bring it home with me. It’s gas. I don’t know how to hook it up. The gas company has to do it. Oh, my! I’ve been waiting three days now to get this damn thing hooked up! Finally someone from the gas company comes, yesterday. Apparently this guy’s job description says "frustrate Joy." All he came to do was to assess the ‘situation.’ So it’s a ‘situation’ now? These people freak too easily. He gets all bent out of shape because he doesn’t know who to bill. For some reason he refuses to understand my Spanish when I tell him to bill the school. After people are about to cry, we get that much settled, if they’ll just install the blasted thing. They say ‘we’ll be here tomorrow’. Never came. Now I’m hoping and praying they come tomorrow, Saturday, to install it.
I have a maid that comes twice a week. Her name is Amparo, which means ‘shelter’ in English. She is amazing. She cooks whatever I want, cleans, washes my laundry by hand, irons, helps me make phone calls, and makes my lunch every morning for school. And guess how much I pay her…you’re gonna be jealous…$4.52 per day!
Ok, so to be fully legal here, I need a Colombian ID card called a c├ędula. I have to go to hell, otherwise known as DAS to get said ID. And I need it as well so I don’t have to carry my passport everywhere and risk having an official confiscate it. We need to be there by 6am. We arrive on time. The guard at the gate said that the office for foreigners doesn’t open until 8am. So we go across the street and sit in a little bakery to kill two hours. We arrive at 8am promptly. We get to the foreigners’ office and there is already a line. Apparently they open at 7:30. We finally talk to someone. We have a packet of the needed information listed and organized with all the proper documents and pictures. Well, there’s a problem. The list we were given was the old list. Things have changed. The price is different and the copies required are different. So this means we have to go make more copies and go to a specific bank and deposit $2 more into the acct. for the DAS and bring the receipt before they will process us. After all was said and done, it took us 6 hours to do it. Plus we had to go back on Friday to pick up the newly acquired ID cards. Fun.
Ok, so school. You’ll get a horrifying picture with one phrase "25 four-year-olds". And…they’re all in one class. In fact, we have two such classes, I teach English to both. Praise God I have a full-time assistant that is great with the kids. (A really cute 25-year-old guy named Lucho.) These children are so coddled in this culture that they are underdeveloped in language and fine motor skills. About 70-80% of the students are special needs kids due to this. To add to this beautiful situation we got twins, most likely from a Cartel family. We split them in the two classes. Mine is named Daniel. Today he punched me and kicked me, not the first time. He requires the full attention of an adult just to prevent him from being destructive or running away and hiding in a bus (yes, he and his brother did this). So that takes my assistant which leaves me with 24 on my own. Praise God, we just found out this week that we’re getting another teacher, so we’ll divide the 2 classes into 3. Now this is possible. We start the split on this coming Monday.
Yesterday we were out of school due to political turmoil. There was a protest. A bunch of Indians (descendents of the Incas) marched into the city from the jungle in demand of more representation in the local government. The reason for canceling school was because they were coming to our doorstep. The university here is right next to where I live and near the school. Many of the Indians were destined there to use their radio station. I was advised to stay in my apartment all day, which I did. Today, all was back to normal, more or less. So instead of ‘no school’ days due to inclement weather, ie Ivan, we get ‘no school’ days due to inclement political atmosphere.

Friday, September 24, 2004

My next truck

Sorry Darlin'. I know ya love that Armada... but we're gettin' one of these. Lets face it, anything labeled a Severe Duty Truck has appeal on to many levels to pass up. You like italian cars eh? Well this truck produces more Torque than your Lamborgini produces Horse Power. I'll be able to tow your house.

Thursday, September 23, 2004

Strange Bedfellows

Who knew?

The Federal Bureau Of Investigation (FBI) has officially adopted Springfield Armory’s 1911-A1 pistol, beating a field of competitors that included some of the most famous gunsmiths and custom shops in America.

So.. all you colt.. S&W.. Kimber... and Para fans.... Allow me to wave my butt in your face!

It does my proud to note as well that for once, the cheapest gun in the competition didn't win.

Now if we can just get the Army to throw away those junk 9mm berrettas...
And now for someting completely different...

Gah... all this talk of Malkin and Rather has me fantasizing about choking to death on my own bile. So... lets talk about something else... How about this...

The Correct Way to make a grilled cheese sandwich:

I'm consistantly amazed at how many different ways people can make something that is so simple. We're talking about bread, butter, and cheese. One would think this would be pretty universal. Not so. In light of this dreadful delima, I've decided to offer my 3 cents.

1) Turn the over to high, and put a tablespoon of butter into the pan you're gonna use.

2) Spread copious amounts of butter onto 2 slices of WHITE bread. Grilled Cheese Sandwiches are made with white bread. The only possible exception is Sour-dough, which is actually just a variant of white bread anyway. But back to the butter... You do NOT add more butter to the pan and then hope the bread sops up enough. You put the butter on the bread yourself. This not only tastes a thousand times better, it also helps prevent burning.

3) Put 2 slices of cheese (american, cheddar, or colby) between the newly buttered bread, and set them in the pan.

4) Sizzle Sizzle Sizzle

5) Flip often, like every 15 seconds or less. Once the cheese is melted, it's done.

If this is not how you do it, you're doing it wrong. Certainly you can add stuff to this method, but if you are applying the butter in some other way, or using some funky cheese, you are screwin' up an American Icon and you should be ashamed. The worst thing you can do is to go with the "no butter on the bread, only in the pan" method. If that's the only thing your kids have ever known, you can rest comfortably in their ignorance... but the first time they get a grilled cheese made correctly, they will forever think of you as a completley incompetent cook.

If I wanted to test someones skill in a kitchen.. I would have them make me a grilled cheese. If you can't make the simple stuff taste good, why should I bother with the rest?

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Disaster in 1996

Reasonable people know that you just don't do certain things. Like... for example... you don't buy a couch that's been sitting in someone's basement over a decade for 25 bucks... no matter how "nice" it is.

Sadly... this is usually something you learn...

Back in 1996 my most bestest buddy Josh, and I were moving into an apartment together. Stop you're snickerin'. We both had chicks at the time... well... I had a chick... anyway... We needed a couch, and this one was cheap.

So we made purchase of the great beast and took delivery of what must've been the most stupendously ugly "nice" couch in all the world. It was some unholy marriage of tweed and pale piss yellow... but was reported to be profoundly comfortable. Hey, it was a couch, not a painting.

It was of course, a sleeper sofa, meaning that the accursed blotch weighed at least 1000 pounds. Little did we know it would've been considerably lighter were it not for its rude cargo. We got the thing up the stairs an into our sad little apartment, only after a few small injuries and not quite so creative euphemisms.

Our chores complete we tried it out... comfy... ugly... we liked it. But then the Jones (that's Josh) had what an alchoholic might call... a moment of clarity. He offered up what would become the greatest understatement of all time: "It looks fine now... but we should probably go get some bug spray or somethin'."

A quick trip to walmart... and poof... we're back... I remember walking up the stairs with Josh... Happily rambling on about this and that... totally oblivious to the Horror that awaited us. Oh to return to that innocence...

We opened the door of our apartment to find unspeakable doom. The "Couch" had aparently been nothing but a Trojan Horse! The apartment was filled with thousands of Cave Crickets! The floor, the walls, the ceiling... They were everywhere! There are no numbers to adequately describe what we saw. Millions? bah... this was an ocean... A sea of foul hate-filled demons. They had apparently mistaken Josh's guitar for some weapon of great value, and were carrying it around... attempting to wield it menacingly.

Josh was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, I reached around him and slammed the door shut. We needed some time to compose ourselves.... We needed a plan.

This is what we came up with...

We knew our pitiful two cans of Raid were hopelessly out-matched... but... we had much better tools within... if we could just reach them.

We threw open the door and burst inside, spraying the ground in an arch as we went. The beasts were stunned by the fury of our initial attack and scattered! We made our way to our respective rooms to find our objectives. Once occomplished, we returned to the living room... now armed for our final assault.

Now normally, I would point out that bastard swords are not the best weapon for battling insects. These were not normal circumstances, and for this fight... two twenty-somethings with bastard swords and Raid backup seemed like just the thing.

We set upon the invaders with all our might. We stomped, stabbed, sprayed... The slaughter was aweful. The Jones then proved his valor. In a mad fit, he summoned all his fury and charged the very heart of the invasion force! The laid upon the couch itself! Exposing it's folded mattress and shooting the last of his Raid into it's very heart! The rout was on!

For the next few hours we cleaned up what was left of the carcasses... and then soaked the couch from the inside out with Raid.

The couch itself went on to serve us well, and from that night on, that apartment was home.

Tuesday, September 21, 2004


"Where the fuck did this op come from anyway?"

Williams was pissed. It was 35 degrees and he had a lot of other things he could be doing right now rather than freezing his balls off on the side of some damned hill, waiting to charge into some wanna-be's house.

"This ol' boy pissed somebody off Cap. It came down from the Prince of Darkness himself."

"I don't like it. This guy's out here in the middle of nowhere... just his family... I don't like it... what do we know about him?" Captain Williams asked.

Carter thought a minute. "Not much really. He's got money... Retired in his early thirties after he sold his company. Been up here ever since. Intel says we don't have a lot to worry about."

"Fuck Intel. They aren't the ones out here are they? How the fuck do we know that sorry prick up there ain't a drug dealer... armed to the teeth?"

Williams was nervous, and it was showing. He'd served in the ATF for 10 years now and he'd never come across anything like this. 3 days ago he'd never even heard of this perp, and now all the sudden they've got three teams out here armed to the teeth. Apparently because some hotshot in DC got his panties in a wad. He'd barely had time to go over the intel on this guy. It was all hazy. No priors. No warrants. No military background. This was thrown together quickly, it was sloppy, and he didn't like it.

That wasn't all though. This place didn't feel right. First of all, this whole thing looked like a death trap. He remembered thinking to himself, "Who the hell lives in an underground house on top of a hill?" Now it was starting to become a little more clear.

"Dammit Williams are you don't pissin and moanin' yet? Let's get this shit over with."

Williams looked up from the topomap he was studying to see Carl Hanagen, the squad leader of team 2. Carl was bigger than Williams. With 235 pounds evenly distributed on his 6'4" frame, Hanagen was imposing, to say the least.

"Shut up Hanagen... It's to cold for your shit."

Hanagen laughed. "Boy they sure got you worked up. Don't sweat this Cap. This ol' redneck is gonna be face down on his own floor before he even wakes up. Smash and grab right?"

Williams smiled for the first time that night. "Yeah... We have to roll with plan A. Cause we don't have a plan B."

In this case plan A was fairly straight forward. Enter the home from three directions. Secure the property, arrest the suspect, and search the property for evidence to use against them. They'd done it a hundred times before.... and they were now prepped and ready to do it again.

As usual Hanagen lead his 5 man team up to the front door. While Williams and Stark flanked with their own teams. Snipers would cover front and rear.

On approach the radio chatter was typical. Nervous and excited men about to do something dangerous. The snipers checked in as often as they could, but they weren't much good. There was fog and the tree line was well below the home. They were pretty much useless. They wouldn't be need though. They never were.

"Williams... Hanagen... " Stark radioed, "Umm... there's no east entrance. I got shit. Nothing but dirt over here. No windows. No air ducts. Nothing but fucking grass."

"Some out West. This fucker has no way out but the way you're about to come in Hanagen. Damn... this boy clearly failed fire safety 101. Look buddy, intel has obviously fucked-up, we better call it" said Williams.

Hanagen responded, "We don't call it. The A-Team gets to handle this one alone. You girls enjoy the show." He thought to himself, "Williams you're such a pussy. The US Government doesn't run. We have a job, and we're gonna do it."

Hanagens team had already taken up their positions on the front porch of the home and were ready to go. The house was strange. It was like a glass wall stuck on the side of the hill. The men could see almost the whole livingroom, kitchen and diningroom. The were no walls visible inside either. Just a huge well-furnished space, with a fire place going on one end providing the only light.

Over his mic Hanagen heard Williams, "Back off. Back off. We'll come back!" then he gave the command.

"Hit it."

With that the team crashed through the glass door, shattering it and sending shards flying. Within seconds they had swept the whole floor. The men were stretched out covering the various corners of the floor. Plan A called for speed. Within seconds the team had to find the suspects and detain them. Those seconds were ticking away fast.

The layout of the house said that all the bedrooms were in the back down a hall off the kitchen. Two men rushed to the kitchen while two more were checking the right and left sides. Hanagen was providing cover and getting impatient.

"We got 'em?" Hanagen knew the answer but he had to ask anyway.

"We've got nothing." was the only answer he heard.

Hanagen whispered into his throat mic, "Martinez.. where are you? what's going on?"

Williams was ranting in his ear. Christ didn't that little pussy ever shutup?

He raised his right hand, motioned forward and the whole team gathered near the rear of the space. They found an open steele door, leading to a hallway, with another steal door at the end. Martinez was at that end, examining their newly discovered barricade.

"Safe Room?" Hanagen asked.

"With two doors?". Martinez was working furiously trying to get through the second door and he really didn't have time to deal with the Sergeant's questions right now.

Hanagen looked behind him to see that the whole team had taken up firing positions in the hallway. The slightest hint of fear poked up in his eyes as he realized what was about to happen.

Suddenly the team was jolted by the loud crash of metal on metal as the door behind them slammed shut. There was a distinct hum and an a loud "chunk", as the door apparenlty barred itself. Hanagen spun around to find himself, and his whole team trapped in the hall.

"Welcome to my home gentlemen. I've been expecting you."The voice was clear, but not loud. There was distinct southern accent, and a confidence that bordered on glee in it. Hanagen wanted to be sick.

"Now before you panic I need to explain somethin'. If you'd like to die, then by all means open fire on one of those doors. You're in a tight spot and ricochets ain't nothing to be taken fer granted. I'm assuming by now that you've noticed that your radios have gone quiet. I'm real sorry about that. But hey, what fun would that be if you could just call you're people and tell them what's what?"

The voice continued smoothly, "Ok lets get down to business. I've got you by the short hairs kids and you're either gonna do what I say, or I'm going to kill you. So, strip off all your gear and push it up to door that Hanagen is facing now."

Sergeant Hanagen cringed. How did this prick know his name?

"Don't look so shocked dammit. If you're good I'll explain all this. In the meantime, strip that gear off."

The team was now wide-eyed and staring at its leader. Hanagen shrugged, and took off his belt.

"Wise choice. Once it's up next to the door, back away. And don't try to hide anything either, or I swear I'll gas you all, strip you naked except for your ATF hats, and email the pictures to Matt Drudge."

Monday, September 20, 2004

General Update

I'm sure y'all remember my problems with the little tard girl and her crush on me. Well... I think it's time for an update...

School's started, so Jeb and I can now go out and play in peace in the moring. In the afternoon however, we're prisoners. And to make matters worse... She is constantly knocking on our door. "Can Jebediah come out and play?"

He's 1 for crying out loud!

Of course... her crush on me has worsened considerably. As bad as it was when she would just stare at me, I now find myself longing for those days. You see.. now she talks... all the time. The poor kid desperately tries to carry on a conversation... but... it's like talking to a 4 year old... but it's a 4 year old who's in the 8th grade... so... it's a 4 year old who wants to talk about things like... SEX! GAH! She talks to Julie about it! About how bad it would be if she got pregnant! And my poor wife is pregnant... so she can't even come inside and drink that shit away!

Speaking of drinking...

Yesterday we were on the front porch with Jeb... and of course... Erin was there.... Well I stretched.. and when I did, my shirt came up a little bit... Erin looks at my stomach... and lifts up my shirt and starts petting me! Petting my stomach and chest!

Drink it away Nate... Drink it away...

To make matters worse, there is now two of them... Taylor... who is in the 4th grade and not a tard. In fact, she's a sweet kid, and Jeb loves her... But she continually knocks on the door as well... We have to sneak out of the house to keep them from running after us... when we come home, we have to rush to get into the house before they run up to the car! They'll open the doors and try to get Jeb out themselves! I'm nice... I talk to them all the time... beleive it or not... I'm convinced these girls think I like them a lot... So I'm doing ok... the only people who know that I want to choke the life from them are me, julie, you, and my non-hippy neighbors with whom I comiserate.

Oh.. yeah.. and did I mention that two Damned Dirty Hippies(DDH) have moved in next door? From Berkley California????


Yes... Yes... they told us they were drawn here by the "Diversity of Intellectual People" that University towns bring together...

Oh really? Ya like a diverse group of people huh? I guess we'll find out if that's the case soon enough. I'll bet you're gonna love livin' next to a couple of gun totin' rightwing extremists.

Makes me miss the Witch.

See.. I'm a private person. I just want people to leave me alone. This is why I'm going to live on a great mountain... in an underground bunker... behind thick concrete walls... and scores of Rottweilers.... I'm undecided on the mote... I have a small group of friends who I am always happy to see. I'd have them with me continually if I had my way... but I would prefer that everyone else.... EVERYONE... leave me alone.

I've no use for you. I don't want to hear from you. If you knock on my door, I expect you to need something, and if you do, I'll happily help you. If you don't need something though... If you just want to chit-chat... I'm going to be polite to you until I find some excuse to make you go away, and the whole time I'm going to be fantazing about doing you some great undescribable harm.

I'm not a social person. You know why? Because social means "Interacting with people", and I don't like people! People in general, are incredibly stupid. They run about talking about what's on TV, and what they saw on TV, and what they are going to see on TV. Mindless Trolls.

Of course... Its been so long since I've been around "my people"... Perhaps I don't really hate people... Perhaps I just hate groups of people... mall people... neighborhood people... walmart people... all compounded by the fact that they aren't just mall people... they're Yankee mall people... Yankee neighborhood people... and Yankee Walmart people...

S... O... S...



Sunday, September 19, 2004

My very own 507

Ok.. so here's the idea. I register (Don't click that, i haven't done it yet) Then I make a bunch of parody videos starring idiots who claim to support Kerry. The spots would of course, all be produced as if it were a real group with real supporters of Kerry, who just happen to be morons. The possibilities are endless.

"I've been on welfare for the last 12 years, and I wanna keep it that way... that's why I'm voting for John Kerry!"


"My Grand-daddy was on wellfare, and he voted for the democrats. My daddy was on wellfare, and he voted for democrats, and by God, I'm on wellfare, and I'm voting for democrats too!"

or how about

"Rich folks hate poor people. That's why I'm voting for John Kerry."

Whatcha think y'all? Think I can get some rich Elephant types to send me some money? Hey, who wouldn't want a "Morons For Kerry" sign out in their front yard?

Saturday, September 18, 2004


From the depths of my soul let me say to all you Florida Fans....




And to you Chris Leak...

Kiss Our Big Orange Ass!


Friday, September 17, 2004

mmmm... Salsa!

So the Lepper walks into a bar. (ladies this would be a good time to stop reading) He makes his way to the up to the bartender and humbly asks, "Ummm... is it ok if I drink in here?"

The bartender's a nice guy and says, "Sure buddy, grab a table over there and have ya a beer! Everyone's welcome here."

"I don't wanna bother anyone."

"Don't sweat it buddy. We're a rowdy bunch in here. No one's gonna pay you any mind."

"Fair enough. I appreciate it." and with that, the lepper sat down and started drinkin' his beer.

It wasn't very long though, until someone ran outside and got sick.

"I better go. I don't want to be a bother."

The bartender says, "Buddy sit back down. It's not you."

So the lepper sits down again... but just a couple minutes later.. someone else runs outside and gets sick..

Again the lepper gets up to leave...

"Buddy.. seriously... it's not you. Finish your drink."

"If it's not me... who is it?"

The bartender looks around for a minute and says... "It's not you. it's the guy behind ya... dippin' his chips in your neck."

Thursday, September 16, 2004

The Worst Ever

20 years from now, when everyday Americans want to describe someone as completely insane, they'll use the phrase, "He voted for John Kerry for President." Like Vox I have little interest in Politics as a Horse Race... But politics as a train wreck... now that I can enjoy.

I can't take my eyes off Kerry. Morbid Curiosity has me in her iron grip. I swear, if Jerry Springer was ever a campaign manager... this would be the result!

Bush's faults, and his strengths are one in the same. He is a great politician. That's both the best, and the worst, thing you can say about the man. He is playing chess, while Kerry is playing checkers. While kerry is working hard to figure out how to respond to Bush's last move, Bush already has his next three moves planned out, and is working on the 4th and 5th. Kerry isn't 1 step behind. He's 5 steps behind. The game was over before it began.

When Bill Clinton met W at the White House... He told everyone within earshot... "Don't you ever underestimate that man." They didn't listen, and as a result, they are getting their asses kicked in spectacular fashion.

Let me spell out just how hopeless this is for Kerry... 53% of his party want to pull out of Iraq, 47% want to stay.

You want to know why he flipflops? Because no matter what he says, he's pissing off half of his own party! As long as we're talking foriegn policy, Kerry will be destroyed.

What's worse, is that if he goes to domestic policy, his own record will be used to label him a left-wing nutcase. The Dems will never allow a true debate on liberalism vs conservatism, anymore than a vampire will come out to fight you at noon. They have to hide behind clever moderate placcards to hope to win, lest their freakish ideology be exposed for what it really is.

If he can't run on Iraq, and he can't run on domestic policy.... the only thing left is to go negative... and pray on the emotional and the weak, which is what he's doing now. The amazing thing is, that he's actually stupid enough to think that anyone is going to judge an incumbant on any criteria but the last 4 years. MORON! If the documents were real, it wouldn't matter! If it came to light that Bush bought his way out of Vietnam, it wouldn't matter. The public knows what it will get with W, because they saw it. You can't say, "If he ran from war then, how will he react now?" when we've already damned well seen him react now!

The man is actually arguing that Bush is both to brave, and to cowardly... to smart... and to stupid... To simple... yet draped with conspiracy...

This race wasn't over last month. It was over the day the dems sat in their dark smoky room and decided John Kerry was their boy. It was over the day the democrats fell for Dubya's "Don't mind me, I'm just a stupid texan" act.

I guess no one ever told the Democrats about Brear Rabbit.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

All Hallow's Eve

Kids... if you're lookin' for someone to rant about the evils of Halloween... ya may as well stop readin' now. Halloween is my favorite holiday. I love it. I love the costumes, I love scaryin' kids, I love the candy, hell... I love everything about it. If I had my way we'd all get two days off... One to prepare and one to recover.

I figure if stores can put up Christmas decorations in August, then I can talk about Halloween in mid-september.

I remember going to some awesome Haunted Houses growing up... but I guess the thing about Haunted Houses is... well... when you're 9 they are scary as hell, and you love it. When you're 18, they aren't scary but they're still cool. When you're 30 the scary starts all over again though.. cause now you're taking a kid through with ya. I believe I've been to the best haunted house ever, but that's a story for another day...

Over the next few weeks I'll be talking more and more about this stuff as I'm get psyched up for the big night. Let's start easy though... We've been threadin' about costumes that's as good place as any.

Some of my favorite costumes, in no particular order:

1) Julie's Santa's Nauty Little Helper. This looks like a black leather tunic... but it's short, and it has white fur here and there like a santa's outfit. It's cut LOW... showing much leg... and of course she wears black boots with it. This thing is Mrs. Santa's worst nightmare.

2) Xena. We have a friend named Amber... who looks like a feminine version of Xena. She works out all the time, and has very similar features to the actress, but hers are just a little softer... making her far more attractive. Amber has a homemade Xena costume that has been known to turn grown men into slobbering idiots.

3) The Gimp Couple. I saw this at the infamous West Memphis Party. One of the hottest girls in Julie's med school shows up in a black leather teddy, knee high black boots... elbow length black leather gloves... I mean... we're talking pornstar here. To make things all the more perfect, she's carrying a cat o' nine tails and leading around a Gimp on a leash! I mean this was a real Pulp Fiction style gimp! We were beside ourselves! At one point she lead him up on stage and beat his ass with that whip! Then of course later on I saw her out in the parking lot makin' out with a couple of guys... at the same time... remember people.... She's now someone's doctor. There's more to this particular story.. but not today.

4) Priest and Pregnant Nun. Classic. From the same party as the Gimp. Our buddy Jason "By God" Graham and another friend from med school show up like this. The costumes were perfect, and she really looked knocked up.... Ah well... Bane liked it.

5) Adam and Eve. Another Party... this one in Knoxville. Anesthesia Facutly member shows up with his hot little wife... both... naked apart from a few leaves. This would've been the worst costume ever if the chick hadn't been hot. Thankfully she was.

As for me... in the past my costumes have usually revolved around black cloaks and swords. The Devil... Vampires... I thought of putting on a suit with horns and a tail... and going as a Yankee. We'll see.

Now in the spirit of good fun... Nate's costume suggestions!

Julie: ahem.. about that "Santa's Naughty Little Helper" costume...

Spacebunny: Well duh... She should go as Allison from "Spacebunnies must Die".

Res Ispa: Jeff Davis

Vox: A Penquin of course

JAC: Crazed Biker. wait... that's not a costume...

Joy: Is an Egyptian Slave Girl Costume to much to ask? I hope not!

Astrosmith: Al from Home Improvement

Red: Young Grizzly Adams

Flannel Avenger: Coach K! (don't shoot FA, it's a joke man)

Michelle Malkin: Nate's Geisha Girl addition to the Harem

Jeanne: Can you say "I Dream of Genie"? I knew ya could.

Elena: Musik Mafia Groupie

JamieR: Pimp. Nuff Said.

Kristy: I can't resist the Sarcastic Comedy of seeing her in an Angel costume.

Sarah: Femi-Nazi!

Will, Wes, Sean.. Eddie.. Shane.. I didn't forget about ya it's just that well.. it's still an R rated blog and your suggestions may have gone a little to far for that.

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Bad News Bear

Boys... Somethin is up in Russia. That Chechnyan deal is looking more and more suspicious to me. All the descrepancies in the official story didn't suprise me. In fact I called it. We've had some stranging goin's on since then though. I started paying attention when I became aware of Russian media showing footage from the massacre.

Why? Well all you have to do is listen to Putin. There are plenty of pieces to the puzzle floatin' around, and the way their startin' to fit together is not to pretty. Putin (a former KGB stud) has now called for increased power. Governors will no longer be popularly elected. He claims this is to combat "terrorism". At the same time, he's been making some pretty clear references to the old Soviet Union.

Something's going on over there. Its way to early to find out what though. Something to remember though... The KGB still exists in its pre-coldwar form and it has always had extensive contacts in the Jihad. Putin has never hidden his desire to rebuild the USSR.

Hey... it's probly not a rat... I'm just sayin' it kinda smells like one.

You know... if you looke at the EU... a new USSR... then the USA... well... The world takes on the distinct look of Europe before WWI.

The curse of interesting times.

Monday, September 13, 2004

Feelin' Guilty?

My guess is the last couple of posts have left some people looking over there shoulder. What's the matter? Afraid of someone finding you reading something like this?

Don't worry kids. I was asked my thoughts on this over at Vox's, so I posted them. It's not signifying any change of direction of the blog.

Tell ya what... as a respite from all this gloom and doom... we'll talk about something important tomarrow... Like Halloween! and maybe... just maybe we'll talk about smokin' a Boston Butt for the best pulled pork bbq you can have!

Ok, so how many of you were completely sickened by that last post? Some of you obviously were.

The question is why? It's pretty simple really. Maybe you thought this would an honorable war, where two armies would square off. Well I don't think the rebels will be interested in suicide.

I think the main issue here is that you are failing to realize that in any revolt, all facets of the federal government are legitimate targets. I know I know.. Mcveigh and all that. Right now the idea of an american service man getting sniped on a street corner makes us all sick. But right now is not the time for revolt. Right now, those servicemen have not turned on us. They are our sons and daughters fighting to protect us.

I'm talking about down the road, when those servicemen have decided to shoot at us. When that happens, it's open season kids.

The trouble that I see coming is that there will be those of us who focus on military targets, and do everything possible to insure no innocents are killed.... then there will be others who simply start blowing shit up.

Now... As for me being on that list... come on guys... I'm not new to this stuff. I'm sure the FBI has me on a list or two. I'd be disappointed if they didn't.

Try to be objective when you read that previous post.

Sunday, September 12, 2004

Why We Will Win

Any type of prediction is tricky. Considering something as complex as the outcome of a citizen revolt in the United States however, by any standard, would have to be one of the most difficult things anyone could prognosticate. Before I offer my thoughts, let me start off with some basic facts that I used to build my case.

The Givens:
1) The citizens of the United States are the most well armed in the world.
2) 100,000,000 people in the United States own firearms. That's over 1 out of every 3 citizens.
3) The average gun owner owns 3 guns.
4) At a time of great need, the United States Military can activate 500,000 troops, most of which would be reservists.
5) The United States Military is the most powerful modern military in the world.
6) Modern Military tactics still have no answer for large scale guerilla warfare.
7) The public will not revolt in good economic times
8) Even in poor economic times, a catalyst of some form is needed.

You must not begin by considering America as it stands today. You must think of what type of circumstances would cause a revolt. After all, you don't go looking for tornados in the middle of winter. A revolt is possible in good times, for example, if the government suddenly decided to go door to door and confiscate all guns. Then you'd see a revolt in a heartbeat, but that's just not going to happen. The government is not that stupid.

So imagine now, an America with an unemployment rate of say... 15%... or to be more realistic... 30%, and on top of that, inflation has eaten away everything they own. Now you have a pissed off population. We've had these types of situations before though, and we had no rebellion... so we need someting else too. We need some event that is offensive to a large number of citizens. Example: Rodney King verdict in LA.

Let's say that the catalyst, whatever it is, happens. We'll use conservative estimates and say that 1% to 3% of all armed citizens decide it's time to throw down.


Over night, all over the country, chaos reigns. Government buildings are blowing up. Trains are derailing. There are widespread power outages. People are getting shot on the way to work. Armories and Military depots are blown to hell. Government employees, senators, congressmen, and mayors are all turning up dead.

How would the country react? The news would initally report that there were widespread terrorist attacks. Of course, anyone with a brain would realize that no organization in the world could do that much damage in that little time, over that huge an area. Within a couple days, martial law would be declared, but the attacks wouldn't stop. In fact, the presence of armed US troops on our streets would only lend sympathy to the rebels. The unavoidable accidents and abuses from such an action would fill the ranks of the Rebel "forces" with new volunteers. As the US military starts engaging the rebels, soldiers would be confronted with the fact that their enemy is their neighbor, not some arab or german, or jap. Of course there would be huge slaughters when the military would actually catch a militia or group all together. These slaughters, by their extreme nature, would lend even more sympathy... and by the first couple weeks, it wouldn't be 1% to 3% anymore. It would be approaching 5% to 10%.

At night virtually every city in America would be a war zone. D.C. would look like Kosovo. The media would still be decryin the terrorists in the homeland, but the propaganda war would be starting to turn. By now the rebels are getting their message out.

US Military Might:

This is guerilla war, and history has proven that there is no answer for these tactics. There is no target to strike. There is no land to hold. There is no organization to defeat. It will be faceless. There will be nothing for the military to focus on. The Navy will be useless. The Airforce will be useless. Only the most of elite of the special forces would be enjoying any type of success. Moral would be at an all time low. Remember that at any given time, much of all US forces are overseas, and they simply couldn't get them home in time to make much difference.

An Army of One:
Look around you. How much damage could you do, if you just decided to do it? What do you know? What have you seen? Could you, for example, go out and destroy some train tracks in the middle of town? What would a frieght train derailing at rush hour do to a town? We can do anything. Tomarrow... while you are out and about... think about what sort of disruptions you could cause if you so chose. This is an eye opening exercize. You realize how fragile society really is.

Acting all on your own, you can sow chaos. Two idiots with a van and a $200.00 weapon terrorized 3 states for weeks. Hell... They couldn't even shoot. But... What if they could shoot? What if they weren't shooting from 50 yards away? What if it was 500 yards away? And what if they weren't hitting 1 person every couple days? What if it was 2 or 3 every day? What if there weren't just 2 of them? What if there were 50? or 100? All over the country? What if there were 1,000? 10,000?Think of the havok. And what could the US military do to stop it? The only way to deal with it is to hunt down every individual involved. It simply cannot be done. No military has ever been able to defeat these tactics.

Be your own Cell. Do your own thing.

The End:

This will go on until the state governments decide that the feds can't handle the situation, and declare the federal government disolved. When it's all said and done there would be somewhere between 300,000 and 600,000 casualties, most of which would be collateral damage. The only people who will truely benefit from this conflict will be the undertakers and the construction companies. The Catalyst will have been reversed, and things will peter out pretty quickly. The whole sordid affair could take weeks, or months,but likely will not take longer.

Numbers and Tactics make this a no win situation for the US government. You simply cannot defeat an army of that size using those tactics.

Saturday, September 11, 2004

Just not your Year

The folks in South Florida have to wonder what they did to deserve this. The worst hurricane season I can remember... Ricky Williams is off smokin' dope in India somewhere... The Worst offensive line in the NFL didn't get any better... and well... if all this isn't enough...

Up to the plate step the Titans.

Florida football fans... a little advice... While you'e boarding up your windows... make sure you have the college football on. The Gaytors will beat up on Directional U. about like the Titans are going to beat up on the Dolphins.

Ricky Williams ran for... ahem... 13 yards against the Titans last year. How good do you think Travis Minor is gonna do?

I keep looking around for some position where the Dolphins match up well with the Titans... Hey! Orlino Mare is a better kicker than Hentrich! There ya go! Of course... Hentrich is a punter... but hey... take what you can get.

Prediction: Titans win by a whole lot more than a little-bit.

Thursday, September 09, 2004

Off The Grid

You never know how important utilities are until you don't have them. Julie and I have spent a lot of time, and will soon spend a lot of money, on an extensive utility system which I will maintain and operate. We most likely will not be off the grid completely, but we will certainly be capable of going off of it for months, and perhaps indefinitely.

There is a right way to go about this and a wrong way. If you think you're just going to put up a few solar panels and call it a day, you are sadly mistaken, unless by a few you mean 50. That's both a pain in the ass, and the exact opposite of cost-effective.

The best way to handle this is to have two separate sources, feeding a large bank of batteries. Our plan is pretty simple really. We will shop around for land with a stream that has enough flow and head to produce a decent amount of electricity, and we will put solar panels all over the south facing roof of the barn. These two sources will be wired into a large bank of batteries which will be tended and controlled electronic. In addition I will have a backup natural gas generator, or gasoline generator depending on which is cheaper. Natural Gas would be a no brainer, but remember I'm using farm-use gasoline that has no road taxes attached, and I'm buy bulk. I am confident the Natural Gas generator will be the way to go... but I'm not 100% decided... yet.

The reason you want at least two sources is pretty simple. The stream flows even at night, and even on dark cloudy days... and in the summer, when the stream is getting low, the solar panels are kicking butt.

Duh. Put in a septic tank... a big one... Twice as big as they say you need. and don't forget where it is...

Have a well dug. Deep, Shallow, whatever is the most common where you live. The people who dig it will know what's best for your area. If you're lucky, there will be an artesian well for you to tap, and you'll get some mighty fine water. The carst topography of the Tennessee plateau is great for that... tons of underground water to be found... in fact the largest underground lake in the world is there... well... the largest one we've found any how.

Invest in a whole-house filter system, but don't put the damned outside spickets on the thing ok? There is no reason to wash your car or water the lawn with filtered water!

There is a lot of great info on the net. Backwoods Magazine is a good place to look for starters. I suspect y'all knew I had this sort of plan around... after all... you don't build a Mountain Fortress without thinking of this stuff before hand.

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Panic Rooms

I like this idea, but it's probably not the route I'm going to take when I build my next home. It's sort of the Nate-Lite way of looking at home security. These rooms vary widely. Some are nothing more than a concrete walled closet with a steel reinforced door. Others, are set up to be self-sufficient for days or weeks on end, complete with their own bathrooms, food, ventilation, and power. All of these systems being seperate from those of the main home. Needless to say, you can spend a whole lot of money on one of these if you want too.

The trouble is, you have to be able to get to them. The location of the room is the biggest concern. You don't want your kids to have to run past the Bad Man to get to it. I'm a firm believer in having all of the sleeping quarters together in a home, and I would put the panic room in that section of the house.

One of our favorite ideas invovles hidden escape hatches in each bedroom that lead to a huge panic room in the basement setup to sustain the family for months. It's a pretty simple plan really. I get up and guard the entrance to the sleeping floor while everyone else bails to the panic room. Once everyone is there, Julie throws a switch that turns on a signal light that I can see from my covered position, and then I follow. Once we're all there, I can use the security system to determine what's going on. How many Bad Men are there? Have the dogs already killed them? If need be, I can gear up and go out to shoot the bastards while Julie acts as my spotter using the cameras. Remember as well, it may not be the Bad Man. It may be a fire. Either way, someone needs to stay behind to make sure everyone makes it to the panic room.

Not that we've put much thought into this or anything...

I should ad that you don't have to live paranoid to be prepared. The kids will think of the escape hatches as secret doors, and the panic room can double as a rec room. You simply have a few drills, so the kids know whats what. Come on, tell me as a kid, you wouldn't have thought it was cool. I'm sure a lot of people will read this and think that we're paranoid nutcases. Fine. I agree, the chance that I'll use any of this stuff is minimal. Then again... a fire? A tornado? There are lots of reasons to bail to a safe place.

15 or 20 grand for your families saftey. Sounds like a bargain to me.

I know I'm very general when I talk about this stuff. Understand, it's not because I don't love y'all, or that I am ignorant of the latest do-dads. My goal here is just to give you something to consider. Everyone's family is different, and every home is differnt. You have to come up with something that works for you and yours. Now granted, I could be more detailed... but then...

I just don't believe in showing my hand.

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Bane Rants

Bane comments: I have met the government, and it is us. Adds true meaning to 'you get what you pay for', don't it?Every hive has to have a queen, the rest of you are just drones. Deal with it.

It's Us? I suppose so, if by Us you mean "Ivy League Aristicratic Ruling Class". Unfortunately, "us" usually means "rednecks and the middle-class". Seriously Bane... I'm starting to think... man... If you lose a couple more brain cells we're gonna be waterin' you twice a day.

Lets look at this point-of-view shall we? Every hive has to have a queen. Ok... so therefore any type of tyranny is fine, because the person who rose to power to perpetuate it, must be representative of the population as a whole, and therefore, the population gets what it deserves. Aparently, those of us who can see things for what they are, are expected to simply bend over and take it.

I can certainly understand an ex-cop feeling this way, but then again, that's probably because I hate cops. Only judges and Lawyers are more corrupt than cops. One may be tempted to lump teachers in with this lot, but I would disagree. Teachers are hired to produce mush-brained drones, and they do a damned fine job of it.

Let's examine Bane's attitude historically though shall we? The 13 colonies should've bent over and taken it. Every revolution in the history of the world, shouldn't have happened. I ask you, without revolution in one form or another, how does society progress?

What of the people who shared Banes attitude? The Germans under Hitler? The Russians under Stalin? Those murdered by Mao?

But again... We should take this with a Pillar of Salt should we not? Bane's an old man after all. He's not got much piss and vinegar left in him, and revolution is a young man's fight. S'ok though... every man has a purpose. We can safely leave the women folk at home with Bane.

Smitty writes: Would you be willing to either reply or blog-post about your home defense plan?

Excellent question! Understand, for obvious reasons I'm not going into specifics about my home, but I can give some general tactical advice for home defense, and rest assured, if I leave anything out, Bane, Bill, Resispa, and JAC will be happy to fill in, and mock me for my omissions.

Let's start with the basic layout of the house. This was something that I was thinking about when we bought this house. I looked for a house with the bedrooms grouped together on the same floor with one one way to access that floor. The benefit to this is pretty obvious. If someone breaks in at night, you have a buffer between your family and the bad man. This gives you two options. You can't totally ignore your windows, unless they are, like mine, totally unaccessible from the ground. I generally set up stuff around windows that are accessible, giving any invader something to step on or trip over. Anything to distract them and buy me some time. This can be anything... Rocking chairs, clothes hampers, or kids toys are great for this.

Plan One. Wait and Shoot.

Tactically you want to establish a safe area first. So you set up some type of barrier at the top of the stairs. Baby gates are fine, because you just want to slow the bad man down. From cover, you simply watch that entrance, and wait.

From cover means, you are not exposed, or you are minimally exposed to return fire. It's your house, so take some time to figure out a spot to shoot from. If for example your bedroom door faces the stairs, you can lay prone inside the doorway, using the wall for cover, while only the necessary aiming bits are exposed.

My Father-in-Law has a great plan. His master bedroom shares a wall with the stairwell. So he can stand next to the wall, and listen for the rattling of the babygate, then simply blast them through the wall with his 12 guage and 00 buck! There is much debate on whether such a tactic would be fatal, but there is little debate that it would stun the victim, cause him to fall down the stairs, and give the old man time enough to finish the job. The thing to remember is you have to know where the baby gate is with respect to your wall so you have a good aiming point, and you have to be able to find it when it's dark and you're keyed up.

For home defense, it gets no better than a 12-guage shotgun. I recommend a pump. You can use all manner of specialty ammo for the things. Everything from rubber slugs, to nasty razor filled projectiles. heh heh heh.

Plan Two. Clear the House.

People write books on this stuff. It's far to indepth for a blog. The best advice I can give here is, if you have dogs, and you SHOULD have dogs, let them lead you to the Bad Man. Listen for the ruckus, and go shoot the bastard.

If you don't know where he is, it gets tricky, and you better revert to Plan 1. If you're hell bent on sweeping though, I can offer some general advice.

You know your home, so you should be able to predict how/where he entered, or at least the most likely spots. From safe cover, listen for any movement. Listen for anything at all. You're eyes are used to the dark, and your ears are keyed up from the quiet of the house. Use them. Once you hear him, provide coverfire for youself. Lets say he's in a room to your left. Start shooting before you turn the corner. Shoot as you walk. The guy will be pissing himself, and will never have a chance to return fire. He'll either panic and run, or he'll stand there and get shot. This also eliminates the rookie tendency to hesititate. You'll simply see him, and fire.

Again, I do not recommend this tactic. Sit and wait for the guy.


You should have them. They are by far, the best alarm system money can buy. I get woken up all the time because someone had the nerve to walk down my street. But you can tell the difference in the warning bark, and the Bad Man bark. Dogs sound distinctly different when they are actually about to engage a threat. So you hear the warning barks... you wake up, get your senses about you and listen for anything else. Until they make a guard cat, that will wake me up and then try to kill the Bad Man for me, I will continue to be a Dog Person.

Dogs are invaluable, particularly in a home invasion situation. remember the most important thing is, they are not expecting resistance. The whole point is to shock you, and catch you with your pants down. They are not expecting a couple 100 pound dogs to meet them at the door. We're ok, simply because we know that the dogs will provide us enough time to deal with them.


At anytime of the day, from anywhere in my house, I can produce a firearm almost immediately. They are all safely out of the hands of children mind you. Often, I can be found simply wearing one though. Hey, you think it's wierd maybe, but look at it this way... My hip is the safest place for it. I know exactly where it is at all times, and I know no one is playing with it.

Some may call it paranoid. I call it prepared.

Sunday, September 05, 2004

It's Game Day Baby!

I've got the brats out, I've got the beers chillin'! So... Honor of the public execution that will take place tonight at 8:00pm EST on ESPN... I give you:


Wish that i was on old rocky top down in the tennessee hills
ain't no smoggy smoke on rocky top ain't no telephone bills
Once i had a girl on rocky top half bear the other half cat
wild as a mink but sweet as soda pop i still dream about that

Rocky top you'll always be home sweet home to me
good 'ol rocky top rocky top tennessee

Corn won't grow at all on rocky top dirts to rocky by far
thats why all the folks on rocky top get their corn from a jar
once two strangers climbed 'ol rocky top looking for a moonshine still
strangers ain't come down from rocky top reckon they never will

Rocky top you'll always be home sweet home to me
good 'ol rocky top rocky top tennessee

I've had years of cramped up city life trapped like a dog in a pin
all i know is it's a city life can't be simple again

Saturday, September 04, 2004

The Trump Card

The Don't Vote Crowd is certainly less a crowd and more a couple. It's not a pack of wolves at all. In fact, it's just me and Fred Reed. We've certainly taken our shots for this stance, and I believe others have announced their own victory on at least to occasions in this debate.

So before I declare victory on my own, let me first deliver the blow, and give you a chance to get up off the mat.

To you Res Ispa, and you Sean, and all the others who've rallied to the defense of the system, I challenge you this:

Name one time in all of human history when a tyranical central government has surrendered power to a vote.

I'll answer for you. It's never happened, and it never will. You can vote to grow government. You cannot vote to meaningfully shrink it. In all of human history, only one thing has shrunk government; the force of arms.

Harbor no illusions of peaceful success.

Harbor no illusions of ballot box rebellion. It is a myth... like the Fountain of Youth... No less a waste of time, and no less imaginary.

My friends... I wish it were not so. But this is not Wonderland, or Neverland, or even OZ. Here, it is what it is, and what we wish it was... well...

Hoping that a vote will change this government's tyranical ways is no more effective than the frantic clicking of heels.

My friends... I give you... The Weeble Tribute to Vox Day!

Friday, September 03, 2004


That's that baby! USMLE Step 3! You may recall, that she was takin' it while I was off galavantin' all over the southwest with Jim. We're off to celebrate!

It was a great year, just not for the reason you think. When asked what wonderous thing happened in 1492, the average government programed individual will either mumble something about the first year of the Super Bowl, or he'll reach back and recall something about discovering America.

Now, ignoring the fact that man can't really discover a place that other men have already lived for centuries, we need to discuss what actually happened that year.

It's true that a European sailed out and landed on, eventually, the coast of America. That however is not what's important historically. What is important, is that 1492, was the year Modern Man, stood face to face, with Pre-Historic Man.

While Modern Man was navigating with the Stars, The Noble Indians had not yet discovered the Wheel. Go back and read that sentence again, I want to make sure that burrows into your skull. These "people" had no written language, unless by written language, you mean cave drawings. They hunted with rocks and sticks for crying out loud! Imagine how freaked out these "people" were when they saw these boats! Or the wagons being unloaded! I can hear them now... "WHOA! Dude! Look at that! That thing... that they move stuff in! That's a great idea!" Not to mention things like armor or swords. Kinda makes me wonder why Custer's boys didn't have platemail. Sure as hell worked for Cortez. But I digress...

When you hear an archiologist talk about how interesting it would be to examine the lives of prehistoric men, laugh in his face. It's quite simple to do that very thing. All we need to do is take a look at the way the Noble Indians lived in the 16th century! For cryin' out loud, these people are probly on a few hundered years removed from the discovery of fire!

What else would you call these people if not Savages? Today we romantisize them to the point that most people actually believe they were as advanced as the Europeans that found them. BAH!

And what of thier plight? When two cultures clash, the most advanced culture absorbes and assimilates the lesser culture and brings it's people up to speed. See Greece and Rome... or the entire catalog of human history for that matter. The plight of the Noble Indians is directly related to the Bleeding Hearts who were convinced they knew a better way of handling the issue.

The most human way to deal with a culture clash is to get it over with. We'd do good to remember that.

Somewhere Rosanne Barr is Singing.

Stick a fork in him. He's done.

What we saw lastnight was a great politician. What we saw lastnight was the end of this election. For months now, I've been shouting at the top of my lungs that this was a mismatch. Dubya demonstrated that quite clearly in his speech.

While John Kerry fumes about Viet Nam and flails at phantom attacks on his patriotism, Bush is busy defining him, as he has already defined himself, as a leftwing commie nutcase.

If Kerry has any brains at all, he'll drop out and save himself the humiliation.

Think back to Kerry's speech, and then compare it to that of Bush. Think of how petty the Dems look in comparison. That contrast, so vivid now, even with the haze of weeks between them. Imagine how rediculous Kerry is going to look, side by side with the man in a debate.

While I view this whole circus with disdain, there is a certain pleasure that I take in seeing an asshole like John Kerry get humiliated. Vox once said the convention is enough to make you wish for the by-gone days of innocence. I can't go that far. I can only say that they did a great job with the production, and the speeches.

Oh yeah.. and I love Zell Miller.

Thursday, September 02, 2004

Are Southern Politicians Different?

It's a legitimate question. I thought about actually breaking down the voting records over the last 150 years or so and comparing them by regional and party lines. It's been done before though, and well... the results are obvious. That said, a fun way to show the difference is to simply examine the great historical figures of American History. Let's look at it.

George Washington: Virginia
Thomas Jefferson: Virgina
James Madison: Virgina
John Tyler: Virgina
Andrew Jackson: Tennessee
Andrew Johnson: Tennessee
Abraham Lincoln: Illinios (born in Knob Creek, KY)
Ulysses Grant: Ohio
Alexander Hamilton: New York (actually born on the isle of Nevis)
FDR: New York

When you step back and look at the authors of the Constitution, one will quickly notice that it was basicly written by a bunch of Southerners. Those in favor of a weak federal government were from Virginia and the South. Alexander Hamilton (Yankee) favored a stronger central government, as did others from the North. While elected Presidents don't really fit the mold, congressmen do. Sure, Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton, and so many others came from the South. But remember, the Days of the Solid South... When the CSA simply voted Democrat regardless of who was running, are long gone. Yet even those two pale when you consider the likes of Krazy John Kerry, or Ted Kennedy.

When the troops of the CSA first went to War, they did so under a flag designed exactly like the American Flag. Why? Because they believed, and rightly so, that they had more right to that flag than the North did.

You like the Constitution? Thank a Southerner. We wrote it.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004


Three-Hundred Thousand Yankees
Lie dead in Southern Dust.
We Got Three-Hundred Thousand
Before they Conquered us.

They died of Southern Fever,
of Southern Steele and Shot.
I wish we'd got Three Million,
instead of what we got.