Sunday, October 31, 2004

I'm Bored...

and I'm 95% freak.
Well I'll be...

Looks like Ol' Jim has taken the blog plunge as well. Who'd a thought eh? I probly haven't done enough to introduce y'all to my oldest brother. I suppose my wife described him best... We were watching Hidalgo the other night... She looked up at me and said, "He reminds me of Jim."

That's pretty much right.

Anyway... I'd appreciate it if gave him a look over at Threeway.

Saturday, October 30, 2004

Why does this crap only happen to me?

It's not Halloween... but everyone was trick-or-treatin' just the same. Jeb was out in his Dragon costume... some of you were even lucky enough to get pictures of him... I know I know... He's adorable...

Anyway... Julie went trick-or-treating with him... of course it's not really trick-or-treating at that age... it's showing off the baby, which is why I sent Julie to do it. I stayed home to man the front porch and pass out candy.

So I lit up a stoge, popped open a corona, and set up shop on the front porch. For some reason we had huge numbers of kids come by this year... And it I can assure it was fine time... Well... most of it was...

Everyone who came by commented on the bike. Kids all ooo'd and ahh'd... as did their Dad's... and a couple Mom's too! On guy even asked if it was a Ducati. Of course I quickly said, "Yup.. sure is!"

So like I said, things were goin' along right nice... Until... the three girls come stollin' up...

Now... Understand... These girls were... somewhere between 12 and 14... in costumes that were a mixture of almost to revealing... and blantantly sexy. They were bein' bad... they knew it... and they liked it... It was like watching the 8th grade version of Spring Break.

Anyway... They gratuitously praised the bike... and begged for the obligatory ride... I played it cool though... until one of them pointed at the Corona and said, "How about ya skip the candy and gimmie one of those?"

Feeling oh so uncomfortable I said, "I'm sorry darlin'. Ain't no Corona in the candy bowl."

At this point... she hikes one leg up on to the second step... leans in... close but not to close... and says, "I'll make it worth your while."

I screamed in my head for a few seconds.... praying... begging God to remove me from this horrible situation... wishing I could find a gun to shove in my mouth and end my misery myself... but it was not to be...

Of course I stood up... passed out candy and shoo'd them away as fast as I could. Looking back I wish I'da chased them away with the garden hose.

Help me out here people... Can't I be arrested for just hearing those words from a girl that young?

F**k this...

I'm drinkin'.

Friday, October 29, 2004


I like rednecks. I like the girls who know all the words to "She thinks my tractor's sexy". I like guys who've got shotguns and trucks. Ya know what ya get with these folks, and you sure know were you stand with 'em too.

The funny thing is... I've got so many friends that aren't like that.

I mean... I still talk to the guys I went to college and to high school with. These folks are still good friends of mine... and they're all city boys. I can only imagine what they think now.

See, I went to high school at Overton in Nashville. As far as government schools go, at the time, Overton was where the rich kids went, or at least that was the reputation. They even called us tea-sippers.

I wouldn't go that far, but my friends were definately city boys, and still are. At the time, I'm sure they figgered I was too. I've always preferred the country, but Nashville was new and it was fun. I liked the guys so I just sort of rolled with it.

The only time those guys would ever see the other side of me was when I'd head up to JAC's. At the time he was re-buildin' his farmhouse and was good enough to let me come "help" and hang out. I doubt I was much help, but we managed to get a bunch o' work done anyhow.

Either way when I'd come home my friends would often comment that I was different. I never noticed myself, but I guess ya never do. After a week or so things would be back to normal, and I wouldn't hear anything about it until the next time I went.

Looking back on it... I was just bein' me.

Time marches on, as the fella says, and I'm still hearin' the same things from them. Now of course it's always in the context of "New Trailor" vs "Old Trailor"... hrmm... see that's my nickname... Trailor. Y'all didn't know that though eh? Ah well... now ya do.

Anyway, New Trailor is into guns and motorcycles. He has a wood shop, and tools, and laughs at men who don't know how to fix stuff. If you can't change your own oil, "New Trailor" is liable to question your manhood. He listens to country music, and generally finds anything "artsy" repugnant.

"Old Trailor" was a city boy. He played tennis and drums. He listened to Rush and Zeplin. He lusted for Corvettes.

I guess the thing that no one knew at the time was... This stuff ain't new.

Part of the reason I've been quietly bummed for the last few days is the realization that my old friends would much prefer to have "Old Trailor" back instead of "New Trailor"... While my newer friends tend to embrace both... God Bless Ya Shane...

So what to do? Hell if I know... But I've got to figure it out... because Julie and I have to decide where we're gonna live... and well... Friends are incredibily important to us... we don't want to settle down in Nashville... Only to find out that the group of friends who used to love us, now really don't like us that much...

Knoxville sounds better and better...

Thursday, October 28, 2004

Holiday Silliness

I expect women to have emotional reactions. I expect women to jump to inconsistant conclusions based on emotional flare-ups rather than reason. So of course I was not suprised to find that Bane was strongly opposed to Halloween.

He's not alone though. Lots of folks in the Church lament our modern holidays. Let's take a second to look at their position shall we? I believe it goes something like this...

Christmas is bad because it's all about phony customs and materialism. This seperates people from the true meaning of Christmas, which is to celebrate the birth of Christ.

Halloween is bad because it's a pagan holiday that celebrates evil. The modern customs
may seem innocent but you cannot seperate it from the dark roots of the holiday.

Sound about right?

Now see how rediculous it sounds when you put it back to back? Either statement sounds fine by itself, but back to back... you have yourself what we in the South call.... a contradiction.

See either materialism masks the original intent of the holiday, or it does not. Why should mask it in the case of Christmas, but then fail to mask it in the case of Halloween? That's just silly.

Millions of children celebrate halloween every year. More money is spent on the holiday than any other save Christmas. Yet, devil worship is not widespread. Why not? Because it's perposterous, that's why not. Think for crying out loud. I can just see some Satanist now...

"Well... I was raised Christian.. but mom and dad took me trick-or-treating... and to a haunted house... and like.. dude.. it was sooo cool. So like.. I got all into like... the occult... and... you know.. stuff... and like.. dude... Here I am today!"

No one in the right mind believes that writing letters to Santa is going to open up a child to Christianity. Neither should we think that trick-or-treating is going to open up a child to Satan.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004


"It is perfectly reasonable to hold to and profess conservative social and economic principals domesticly and just as soon have the rest of the world be a US colony." - JACIII

Well now boys and girls.... that's tough to argue with. Personally I perfer "Free Trade with All, Treaties with None." but in absence of that... I'll gladly take Global Domination. In truth I am not in favor of self-determination for all... I only favor it for those with a demonstrated ability to actually govern themselves.

Let's face it... If your kid has a wreck every week... you don't go get him his license just because he turned 16. He has to prove he can drive first. We've got whole continents that have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are incapable of governing themselves... Africa, and South America.

If I had my way, we end all trade sanctions. We'd end all import and export tarriffs. We'd leave NATO and the UN, and we'd declare every treatie we ever signed null and void. We'd pull all of our boys home and get them real jobs where they actually produce something. Then we'd be cookin'!

Of course... Barring that as a possibility... I'd have no problem with us conquering the world and looting it as we see fit.

Thanks Ladies!

It's occured to me that I really am a lucky man. I mean lets face it... Can any of you think of another blogger with his very own Harem? Anyone?

I really appreciate it kids. Y'all are the best. There's a cool factor here at the old blog that simply isn't matched in many other places. Frankly it's got nothing to do with me. I just sweep up, and try to make y'all feel at home.

I 'preciate it y'all. I really do.
Why South America Sucks

Of course this is where we would normally call up our token liberal, and allow them to bleed all over us about the evils of corporate greed, and the exploitation of labor.

You'll be happy to know that our token liberal is out for his bi-weekly scourging (we're still hoping to beat some sense into him), so instead, you get to hear the real problem.

Listen carefully now... I'm only saying this once... typing.... I mean... dammit you know what I mean...

The real reason these people are poor is because they're stupid and lazy! You want proof? Fine. In a recent study 70% of all parents in Colombia reported that they felt that children did not need discipline.

Ok I take it back... I am gonna type that one more time...

In a resent poll, 70% of the parents questioned said that children do not need discipline.

Do I need to type it a third time? No? Good. As a way of establishing the validity of that poll, let me offer some of Joy's experience down there in what passes for a school.

She is "teaching" a class of four year olds. However, they aren't allowed to discipline these kids at all. The worst of the lot are the twins, children of a cartel family. They're 4, and have never known even the slightest restriction or discipline in their lives. They aren't potty trained. Nothing. They're well dressed little animals.

Dogs raise offspring with better manners.

The school won't discipline the kids, because they are afraid of making the parents mad. Hrm... Sound familiar?

People in south america are poor, because they have no work ethic. They have no ambition. When the left talks of the exploitation of the workers down there... they should perhaps look at the other side of the coin.

Someone is actually trying to give these worthless dogs a chance. Which, judging by their history, is far more than they deserve, and their culture, is far more than they deserve. If anyone is being exploited, its the companies. They'd be better off just burning the money.

You know what you get from "investing" in South America? Its simple. Take a years wages, burn it... then urinate all over the ashes.

These people have gone out of their way to create their very own little hell on earth. Fine. Let them have it.

The problem is, if you look at south america... what you'll see is a perect reflection of the future of America, were it to be turned over to the nutcase left.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

John Titor

Back in November of 2000, a fella started posting on various public web forums under the name Time_Travel0. His name was John Titor, and he claimed to be from the year 2036. One of the first things he posted was a set of pictures. These showed his time machine (manufactured by GE!) and several pages of its technical manual.

Now normally we'd all just write this off as a hoax and call it a day. God knows that's what I origininally did. I would ask that you read up a little on this though, and consider that if it is a hoax, it is one of the most elaborate, well executed, and well thought out hoaxs ever, and that alone makes it interesting.

Let me give a brief rundown of what John said we were in for, and why I'm writing about this now. Here are some of John's predictions:

(1) The basics for time travel start at CERN in about a year and end in 2034 with the first "time machine" built by GE. (link added)

(2) There is a civil war in the United States that starts in 2005. That conflict flares up and down for 10 years. In 2015, Russia launches a nuclear strike against the major cities in the United States (which is the "other side" of the civil war from my perspective), China and Europe. The United States counter attacks. The US cities are destroyed along with the AFE (American Federal Empire)...thus we (in the country) won. The European Union and China were also destroyed. Russia is now our largest trading partner and the Capitol of the US was moved to Omaha Nebraska.

John's civil war was between the Rural and the Urban. He was known to say that the whole think kicks off in 2004 with major election unrest. It starts slow and builds to what he calls a WACO type event every month, until finally it escalates to open war all over the country.

This sounds pretty much exactly like what I think will happen... I just don't know if its gonna happen right now.

I urge you to read up on this stuff. Not because I think its all true, but because it makes you think.

If nothing else, even the worlds finest skeptics enjoy the worlds greatest hoax.

Monday, October 25, 2004


Rhinquist's recent health issues sparks some thought. There are a lot of conservatives out there who are pissed about Bush's liberal ways... This could crystallize things for a them and get them on board for one last Elephant run.

Not me mind you. But I'm sure some.

This next President is going to appoint 2 or 3 new justices. Kerry's nominations would be terrifying.... well... except that I know that those nominations will likely bring about the war that I see as inevitable.

Better now than later I suppose... it's fun to watch when you honestly don't care.

I know y'all don't come here to listen to whinin'. That's largely why I haven't posted anything today. I've just been in a bad mood for several days. I don't know what it is. I've just been in one of those funks where it feels like everything is going wrong. Everything is obviously not going wrong. In fact, things are going quite well... but for whatever reason I'm still in this funk.

I'm still pissed about Boston...

I dont know if it's the pictures they posted of the cops shooting into the Boston crowd from all of 4 feet away... or the witnesses that are swearing the crowds were calm when the cops opened fire...

I don't know... I've got a lot to say... and no one to say it to... and what I have to say... I really wouldn't want anyone to hear anyway... So I'm gonna just shut up now.

Julie's on call tonight.... so I can't even drink it away...


Sunday, October 24, 2004


Given thier struggle with injuries and short-yardage situations... This seems very appropriate. The Inches speach... From Any Given Sunday;


I don't know what to say really.
Three minutes
to the biggest battle of our professional lives
all comes down to today.
Either we heal as a team or we are going to crumble.
Inch by inch

play by play
till we're finished.

We are in hell right now, gentlemen

believe me
we can stay here
and get the shit kicked out of us
we can fight our wayback into the light.
We can climb out of hell.
One inch, at a time.

Now I can't do it for you.
I'm too old.
I look around and I see these young faces
and I think
I mean
I made every wrong choice a middle age man could make.
I uh....I pissed away all my money
believe it or not.
I chased off
anyone who has ever loved me.
And lately,
I can't even stand the face I see in the mirror.

You know when you get old in life
things get taken from you.
That's, that's part of life.
you only learn that when you start losing stuff.
You find out that life is just a game of inches.

So is football.
Because in either game
life or football
the margin for error is so small.
I mean
one half step too late or to early
you don't quite make it.
One half second too slow or too fast
and you don't quite catch it.

The inches we need are everywhere around us.
They are in ever break of the game
every minute, every second.
On this team, we fight for that inch
On this team, we tear ourselves, and everyone around us
to pieces for that inch.
We CLAW with our finger nails for that inch.
Cause we know
when we add up all those inches
that's going to make the fucking difference
between WINNING and LOSING
between LIVING and DYING.

I'll tell you this
in any fight
it is the guy who is willing to die
who is going to win that inch.
And I know
if I am going to have any life anymore
it is because, I am still willing to fight, and die for that inch
because that is what LIVING is.
The six inches in front of your face.

Now I can't make you do it.
You gotta look at the guy next to you.
Look into his eyes.
Now I think you are going to see a guy who will go that inch with you.
You are going to see a guywho will sacrifice himself for this team
because he knows when it comes down to it,
you are gonna do the same thing for him.
That's a team, gentlemen
and either we heal now, as a team,
or we will die as individuals.
That's football guys.
That's all it is.
Now, whattaya gonna do?

Saturday, October 23, 2004

The Third Saturday in October

Today all over the South, football fans prepare for an annual Religious Rite. Pregame preperation, begun days before is now in full swing. Rocky Top blares, and the Tide Rolls. Feasts that make a November Thursday pale in comparison are consumed. War Paint is painted. War dances danced.

Today... is UT versus Alabama. The Crimson Tide versus the Volunteers.

If that doesn't give you chills... Then I pity you. Maybe soccer is on some other channel.

Friday, October 22, 2004

Churchill vs the Home Grown Democrat

Today I heard a talking head Democrat describe liberalism as "The Politics of Being Nice".

Awww... Well isn't that special.

Zip it Hippie!

Unemployment in France, Germany, and Blessed England is hovering between 8 and 10 percent. While here, its 5.4%. Which of these countries would you like us to emulate again?

Sadly, intentions don't count for a thing. You may mean to help the poor, but if your policies end up causing rampant unemployment then you've screwed them just the same.

The politics of being nice. Have you ever heard such stupidity? What makes it worse is that they actually apply this "thinking" to their lives. They don't like to tell their kids No, so they don't. Because it's not nice. They'll let these kids be run-over, because they wanted to be nice, and let them play in the street.

Its enough to make you wish their parents had had a similar philosophy.

It goes to the core haze that liberals live behind. They ignore the Law of Unintended Consequences, and are regularly bitten on the butt by it. Let me give an example:

The steel workers want tarriffs on cheaper foriegn steel. They want "fairness". The F word... Use the F word around a liberal and watch him jump into action. Sadly that jumping hardly ever involves the nearest bridge. So anyway the liberal of course grants the tarriffs, which raises the price on the foriegn steel. Steel workers are happy. This is all the liberal sees.

What he does not see is that every manufacturing company in the country is now paying higher prices for steel. He doesn't see the higher prices this causes on all products produced with steel. Liberals will never understand that someone always has to pay. That someone by the way, is always you and me. You know they'll never understand... because if they did, they'd stop being liberals!

You want to help the poor? Bring in more business. As competition for the labor force increases, so will the wages. This is why Taco Bell pays 7 bucks an hour in Nashville, while manufacturing jobs in WV pay minimum wage.

We should round up all the liberals, and limit their discourse in national politics to idealic outcomes. We should use them to seek out noble goals, then we should go find conservatives to actually find a way to reach those goals.

Remember what Churchhill said about the politics of being nice?

"If you're 20 years old and you're not a liberal, you have no heart. If you're 40 years old and you're not a conservative, you have no mind."

Amen, and Amen.
Pie Wagons

As if I wasn't pissed off enough, now this.

Jack-Booted Thugs

The thing about non-lethal weapons, is they are only non-lethal when used as directed. Folks in Boston found out this week that when used improperly, they are plenty lethal. I can't even begin to express how furious I am about this.

We're talking about a projectile that's designed to strike a target, and then shatter and soak the target with pepper-spray. All well and good, but can someone explain to me how this ended up hitting a girl in eye?

Oh.. I know... it was an accident. Just like all those cops who "accidently" shoot themselves while cleaning their guns. Funny... I've never heard of anyone but cops falling victim to these accidents.

We hear the Boston Chief of Police claiming that the department will take full responsibility for this. Oh really? By "taking full responsibility" I'm sure what he really means is Plan A. Which is this "We're going to release all sorts of slander about the young woman we killed. We're going to exajurate the crowd's behavior and the urgency of the situation. Then we're going to pretend to investigate, while we give the murderer a few months paid vacation." Plan A is the hunker-down until the media finds something else to talk about plan.

The only thing more predictable than what is going to happen, is what is not going to happen. No charges will be brought against this woman's killer... Not murder and not manslaughter.

See when a citizen accidently kills someone, they go to jail for a long long time. When a cop does it, he gets a paid vacation.

Huntin' Boots

For me, this topic begins and ends with the name Itasca. That's what I have, that's what I wear, that's what I love. Of course if you're a girl looking for a hiking boot this probably isn't for you, but, they make stuff that you might want to check out.

Now I should note that through all of the adventures you've read about hear, and many many others Julie and I were both wearing Hi-Tec boots. Julie's had a longer break-in than she wanted, but she ended up liking them. Recently we retired both pair and moved on. I got my beloved Itasca hunting boots, and Julie got a pair of Herman Commanders that I admit I sometimes lust for.

My boots are waterproof and have 2400 grams of thinsulate. No, that's not overkill. I don't believe in cold feet. I can still wear them in the summer, and do... but like I said... I do find myself lusting after Julie's Commanders.

If I were in Minnesota though... I hear Rocky makes a heated boot.

Thursday, October 21, 2004


I firmly believe that the instinctive love of boots comes with the testicles. I'm not drawing any conclusions here from Vox's love of italian shoes either. That's up to you.

For now, lets talk western...

My favorite pair were given to me by Dad. Tony Lamas... I know there are those of you out there that swear by Dan Post but ol' Tony does me just fine. Comfortable as can be.

I hate to admit it, but the best boot I've ever bought for myself was made up in Canada of all places. Worse yet, it even has a damned froggy named; Boulet. I know... I know... I worry about myself sometimes...

Anyway if you have a problem with western boots ridin' up your heel you might give them a shot. They're damned fine boots, and they're made with a sort of cup that holds your heel real well. I love mine.

Uncle L.B. (Luther Burke) had a pair custom made for his feet. Fella down in Texas done it. That's the way to do it boys, if ya have the time and money that is.

I ain't that particular on skins. Leather is good enough for me. Sure enough eel and lizard are pretty as they can be... and God knows I love the idea of wearin' a damned snake on my feet... Gator would be awesome for certain football weekends too...

What do y'all wear?

Now huntin' and killin' boots are another matter... We'll deal with them directly, on another thread.

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

From the Comments

Res Ispa bloviates: Although I venture that things whould be different if Dr. Who was makeing 40 grand as a manager at wal mart and you where staying at home.

Actually DrWho is making less than 40 grand per year now. We're doing just fine on that one income thanks. This idea that you can't live on a single income is simply untrue. We've been doing it for going on two years now.

One of my more attractive readers sounds emails:

I may be arguing out of ignorance here, so maybe you can set me straight if I'm wrong.
It seems to me that the people of the South had to know that slavery was wrong. That morally and ethically you should not own another human being. I realize that it was a very profitable enterprise, but after the war it didn't matter anyway. Would it have not made more sense to willingly abolish slavery? I believe that Lincoln's issue was with power, not slavery, but abolishing it would have made his reasoning for the war illegitimate. It would have saved thousands of lives (they killed their own family members for Pete's sake), and dollars in the long run. I don't know how far Lincoln's quest would have gone if he couldn't use slavery as his driving force.

You're looking at the past through today-colored glasses. But lets start at the begining. Did the Yankee traders who sold the slaves to southerners know that slavery was immoral? Every single slave boat sailed out of New York Harbor. Virtually every slave that came to America came here via New York City. The traders were without quesiton the worst of the worst. They didn't see blacks as humans at all. They saw them as sophisticated monkies. Darwin wrote a book to that effect.

Now, the folks in the South were around these folks every day. They grew to know them, and grew to respect them a great deal. 80% of the abolishonist organizations were based in the South and run by Southerners. The trouble is the differing viewpoints of how to solve the problem.

The yankees didn't know crap about the problem itself. They just thought, "Slavery bad. Must stop". They didn't care about the repercussions of ending a practice like that so suddenly. They didn't think at all. Which is typical of them then, and today. They didn't think about the fact that you'd be turning thousands of people loose into society who had no means of supporting themselves, and no way of even knowing how to go about it. They wouldn't care anyway. Wasn't their problem.

The Yankees looked down and saw a wounded leg. Southerners wanted to treat the leg and let it heal. The yankees didn't want to wait. They cut the leg off, and in typical yankee fashion, they then blamed the bleeding on everyone else.

Today it seems impossible to own a slave, and to really care about that slave as a human being. It was demonstrated that this was in fact the norm in the South. Slaves were taught to read and write. And think of this... If you saw something as an animal... Why would you teach that animal about Christ? Yet that is exactly what the Southrons did. One of the great shocks the Yankee soldiers had to come to grips with, was the fact that blacks were a moral race. The average yankee thought blacks were animals. That's what they were told to expect. This shock explains why so many slaves ended up raped when they turned down the yankee advances.

Slavery was dying in the South because of basic economics. Machines were doing the work cheaper and faster than men could, and it was cheaper to pay a man wages than it was to give him shelter and healthcare and food 24 hours per day.

When the newly "Freed" slaves went North they found they had to live in far worse conditions, and work far greater hours, and they weren't fed or cared for nearly as well.

In short, their standard of living dropped considerably. Ahhh... You were 18 hours a day and live in a shack with 20 other people. I live in a house with my family, and work 12 hours a day. You work in a factor... I work in a field. Who's more free?

As for abolishing slavery out-right... Virginia was the first state in the Union to out-law the slave trade. They did it well before the war. After the war, Jeff Davis is quoted as saying, "We should've freed them all before the war started." He meant it in terms of the PR battle though. The English wanted to side with us, but didn't want to be seen as supporting slavery, and they knew thats how it would be painted. Same with France, who agreed to break the yankee blockades, then backed out at the last minute. Pricks.

If we'd abolished slavery out-right it would've exposed Lincoln for the fraud he was and taken away the biggest propaganda tool in the history of the world.
Base Stupidity

Only in New York City would you find people who are so filled with idiocy that they could bring themselves to argue that it is immoral to charge money for food.

We should bill the families of these people for the cost of the bullets we use to shoot them.

This is what happens when you've never been exposed to anything but the asphalt jungle. You think plants just grow themselves and magically produce whatever food you need. No doubt they think the same food packages itself for you as well.

The problem of course is that these people have put no thought what-so-ever into their positions (a common liberal trait). Producing food is backbreaking labor. It takes millions of dollars in equipment and land, and countless hours of work. Farmers get no holidays.

If we don't sell food, how do the farmers earn a living? Or does your need alone entitle you to the fruits of their labor? That's really the key to the whole liberal mindset right? "This is needed, therefore you must provide it."

The US Government (Clinton) took the profit out of vaccines. Now we're all shocked when no one is producing vaccines. Duh.

These freegans would have us take the profit out of food. So we can all starve of course.

Hopefully these people will be there to cushion the blow when the next airliner is shot down over NYC.


You learn a lot about people and their perceptions when you're a stay-at-home dad. Men see you differently than women. Conservative women see you differently than liberal women. Of course, everyone makes certain assumptions about you.

A lot of men equate position (job title) or gross income with self-worth. These men cannot talk about themselves without mentioning their jobs. When they introduce themselves they will, almost without fail start with "I'm John. I'm a Chemical Engineer over at DuPont". If given enough time, they'll eventually run out of ways to impress you with their talk about work, and they'll be forced to move on. Only then will they bring up their hobbies (if they have any), kids, and wives.

To these people, men are their job, or in some cases, men are what they produce. Anything else simply doesn't register with them. It's always fun to meet these types, because they are so visibily uncomfortable with my situation. Their reactions are priceless. They'll look at the ground and shuffle their feet... or the less polite ones will look at me like I have two heads. In variably there will be a lot of head shaking and the oft repeated, "I could never do that".

Conservative women aren't as fun, but you really can't help but love them. In general they make no assumptions. This is strikly different from the liberal women who immediately assume all sorts of things. Ahhh... liberals... taste like chicken...

See, to a liberal women all masculine men fit the career-oriented type that I described above. Masculinity boils down to materialism with them. They see it as greed and the quest for power. It's therefore natural for them to assume that a man who stays at home with the kids is either totally unmasculine by nature (the only good kind for them) or has been reduced to castrati by his wife.

You can imagine that onl-line I bring out the worst in all of these people. Everyone who meets me now assumes that all of my toys and Alpha-male antics are bluster. That I'm madly running around trying to convince myself, and the world, that I really am still a man.

Those who knew me before know that there has been no change what-so-ever.

This is what's so confounding to liberal women. They've been taught their whole lives that men like me don't exist. "All men are career driven, and they'll love their careers far more than they'll love you!" shouts the Feminist's Guide to Finding a Suitable Breeding Partner.

Poor girls... They've been told their whole lives that what they want a "sensitive" man. They seek that out, and what they end up with is a little wimp. A little limp wristed pansy that became that way, because he thought it would get him a chick.

Of course they hate the guy their with for being such a useless little wuss. This explains their near universal annimosity towards me. They see me and think of their rediculous little husband or boyfriend... the pussy... and then imagine pretending to be a man. Once they've projected their hated for their husband or boyfriend on to me... well... it's easy to predict the outcome. They hate me. As if its somehow my fault that Cosmo lied to them.

The intersting thing though, is how this compares to the reactions of liberal females when they meet me in person.

Like I said... My Femi-Nazi next door neighbor ended up moving to Texas to shack-up with a Cowboy.

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

The Greatest Haunted House Ever

When I was 8 or 9 my Dad took us to the greatest haunted house in the storied history of haunted houses. Who'd have believed that it would be in a little town in Indiana, just across the Ohio River from Owensboro? What luck!

The best haunted houses are never just houses. They're set up in buildings that are already creepy to begin with. This one, was in a functional state mental institution. This is where you nod your head and say, "excellent". Thanks.

This looked exacty like what you're picturing in your head. Gothic. Terrifying. Beautiful. Like Bane, if he were gothic, terrifying, and beautiful... instead of fat, lazy, old and ugly. Well... it was old... but I digress..

We waited outside in the fall air for what seemed like days, but of course it was no more than an hour or so. They were taking us in by groups of 10 or so, and finally it was our turn. Now... for the most part this was just a standard haunted house. For the life of me I couldn't understand why so many people were running away so clearly terrified. Some were seriously paniced! I remember thinking to myself.. "what pussies." Little did I know...

After being lead through countless rooms with beasties jumping out... suddenly the guide's walky talky starts chattering and all the lights come on. We're can see now that we're in a small hallway, and a couple of the monsters are walking over to the guide... they've even taken their masks off. All three are acting upset.

Needless to say our group was pretty confused.

Finally the guide turns and says, "People listen up. I need you all to be calm. We have to evacuate immediately. Apparently there's a problem here in the institution and the staff have asked us all to leave so they can handle it."

A problem? What kind of a problem?

The guide is then telling us of how we're going to take the "back stage" route out of the place. We're lead through room after room and all the while we're listening to the guide's walky talky... which is now saying things like "Psychopath has escaped". The guide was totally selling all this. We finally meet up with couple cops who took over to lead us out. They gave us a briefing... telling us all about the bad man who was loose, but it was ok because they had him cornered in another part of the building. Whatever. We just wanted out.

The cop tells us how we're gonna climb up a flight of stares, go down a hall, turn right, then we'll have to slide down an inflatable slide that the fire department has setup.

People in the group at this point were totally freaked out.

The next 15 minutes were the scariest I had ever experienced in my short life to that point.

Up the stairs and down the hall... no problem...

But once in the hall we hear screams. The cops freak and take off down the hall. We follow... duh.. then the cops turn into a room to the left. Inside we see an inmate holding an orderly with a knife to his throat. The cops have their guns out and are screaming at him... Finally one sees us and rushes us out... as he's rushing us out... A group of inmates comes charging from further down the hall.

We were all dead paniced at this point. We ran like hell to the window to get down that slide.

Once down there, we were met by a bunch of firemen and cops who were laughing their butts off.

Monday, October 18, 2004

Well Res Ispa?

How 'bout it? Let's hear some huntin' tales!
A Country Divided

Some folks seem to believe that this is indeed a United country. I want to post something that should give you pause. Read these words, and feel the hatred that resonates within them. 20 years after the War for Southern Independence, such feelings were still widespread.

We're a poor economy and a liberal congress away from seeing these feelings show themselves again.

Well... One can hope.

I'm A Good Old Rebel

Oh, I'm a good old Rebel
Now that's just what I am
For this fair land of freedom
I do not care a damn.
I'm glad I fit against it
I only wish we'd won.
And I don't want no pardon
For anything I've done.

I hate the Constitution
This great Republic too
I hate the Freedmen's Buro
In uniforms of blue.
I hate the nasty eagle
With all his brag and fuss
But the lyin', thievin' Yankees
I hate 'em wuss and wuss.

I hate the Yankee nation
And everything they do;
I hate the Declaration
of Independence, too.
I hate the glorious Union,
'Tis dripping with our blood;
I hate the striped banner,
I fit it all I could.

I followed Old Marse Robert
For four years near about,
Got wounded in three places,
And starved on Point Lookout.
I caught the rheumatism
a camping in the snow,
But if I killed a chance of Yankees,
I'd like to kill some more.

Three hundred thousand Yankees
Lies still in Southern dust
We got three hundred thousand
Before they conquered us
They died of Southern fever
And Southern steel and shot
I wish it was three million
Instead of what we got.

I can't take up my musket
And fight' em now no mo'
But I ain't a-goin'to love' em
Now that is certain sho'
And I don't want no pardon
For what I was and am
And I won't be reconstructed
And I don't give a damn.

Kill All the Lawyers

Few professions have done more damage to free society than lawyers. Oh sure, they market their ilk as benign... even benevolent... but that's just smoke and mirrors. I have a special hatred reserved for Lawyers, and Law Schools... I figured this was as good a time as any to spell it out.

You see, the worse off society is, the better off lawyers are. Just as real-estate agents (crooks) work to convince you that selling your house on your own is impossible, so lawyers work to convince you that the law is far to complex for you understand.

Am I the only one here that sees an inherent conflict of interest in having lawyers write the laws?

Maybe now... but there was a time when others were very skeptical of lawyers. In the early 1800's we almost past a Constitutional Amendment that would have prevented anyone with a law degree from serving in any elected office.

The reasoning is simple really. Lawyers benefit from confusing statutes. Lawyers benefit from chaos.

One of the biggest problems today is totally ignored by the media. Lawyers have become a defacto ruling class in our society. The average citizen no longer believes he is qualified to determine what a law says. That's the success of a 200 year old marketing campaign. The lawyers won.

You have to be a lawyer to be elected, and to be a lawyer, you have to go to law school, and let them turn your brain to liberal mush.

There was a time when any literate person believed they knew and understood what the law was. They could read after all. Now? Now no one dares issue an opinion until they hear from their resident expert attourny.

I submit that the whole thing has turned into one big scam. Lawyers, in the guise of congressmen, write purposefully vague law. They don't want you to be able to understand it. Not only that, they also work to convince you that even the simplest worded law is beyond your appreciation.

I think of all the trouble we could've been spared, had one ammendment been passed. Of course... look at all the damage of the 14th caused.... and the 16th... and well... pretty much all of them.

People always ask me what's something they can do to start to change the world. Liberals say recycle...

I say... ol' Bill was right. When it's time to start shootin'... I say we line up the lawyers first. "Repent and give up your Law Degree!"

*** BANG ***

Gun Shopping

Well... We did go shootin' yesterday. Julie's .40 jammed 4 times in the first 14 rounds. You can imagine that she was not happy. I'm sure it's a break-in issue, even still... when your wife says she want's a new gun, you keep your trap shut and buy her one.

The plan is of course to take her to one of the largest gun shops in the country. I've told her to try everything... and that she can have absolutely anything she wants.

See? I am a good husband.

She's asked for my suggestions, and these are what we're leaning toward for now:

Kimber Ultra-Carry
Springfield 1911-A1 Micro-Compact
Beretta 9000s
Glock 36

Now... The Glock is clearly the sissy pistol in that group, but when a group of four starts off with the words "Kimber" and "Springfield" well... a lot of guns would be reduced to sissy-pistol status.

The 1911s have single stack mags, making them slimmer than most weapons. They both conceal very well. They rock. No question about it.

The Beretta 9000s is a solid little carry gun. Joy carries it, so she and Julie would match. Obviously Joy is pulling for this one.

As for the Glock, Julie shot her dad's glocks and loved them. That's what matters.

Friday, October 15, 2004


What I'm fixing to write may very well bother you. To those on the Right side of the spectrum, there are simply some sacred cows that are beyond reproach. Today... I'm not eating steak... I'm not even necessarily slaughtering one... but I may be firing a head-shot.

A huge moment in any one's life is the day they stop letting people tell them what something says, and start reading for themselves. Indeed very few people ever reach that moment. For example they will read article after article, and book after book about the Constitution, but they will never read the document itself.

When you finally decide to sit down and read the document in its original form you realize that its written from a closed perspective. It doesn't list at all what the federal government can not do. It only lists what the federal government can do. It states clearly that anything not specifically listed, is strictly prohibited.

That is... Until you get to the Bill of Rights. Now we're talking about things the Government can't do.

We'll wait, where in the Constituiton is Congress granted the power to pass any law with respect to Religion? Where in the Constitution is Congress given the power to pass laws about guns? Or searches?

The answer is no where.

Ah.. but look how things change. The Bill of Rights changed the whole perspective of the Constitution. It stops being about what the government can do, and suddenly we're talkin about what it can not do.

That's a huge distinction. Let's face it, once you start making rules about what someone can't do, the assumption is they can do everything that's not specifically prohibited.

The Bill of Rights itself played a significant roll in the undoing of America. When it comes time to write another Constitution, we had better remember that.
Shootin' and Such...

Julie can shoot boys and that's a fact. I wish I had scanned a picture of the target she shot back when we took our CCW (Carry Concealed Weapons) course. As is, y'all will have to make do with my details, which you'll likely call lies... but then if I hadn't seen it, I wouldn't have believed it either...

To qualify down in Tennessee you basically shoot 40 shots at different distances from a few feet, all the way out to 20 yards or so. I remember finishing up, and thinkin' my target looked pretty sweet, considering I was shootin' ammo that really wasn't my .40's favorite.

That's when I saw Julie walking up my way with that grin... you know the one... the instructer was escortin' her around, looking more than a little stunned. I could tell from the crowd that was gatherin' that my wife had done pretty well, so I figured I better go brag on her... Little did I know.

Those folks were shocked for good reason. What I saw defies description. There were 4 holes in the target... A tight 3 hole group in the forehead of the silohette... and in the center of the chest... where the 9 and 10 rings once were... was a gaping hole. A gaping hole torn by thirty-seven .38 caliber bullets.

JAC saw the target, and I'm sure will be more than happy to chime in. Predictably he'll claim that he taught her to shoot.

We're gonna throw down this weekend out a buddy's place. It's a little early to teach Jeb yet... but... it won't be long now.

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Fact Check

Elena comments: If y'all ever head up Pittsburgh way (that's PA), go to Primanti's {sp?}. The sandwich fixin's that fall out of the hoagie bun count as your dessert.

I've been to that place. Curt and I were told all about it by some locals. We made the trip up to Pittsburgh to try it out. Once we finished we wished we'd stayed home for Subway. Really sucked. Bread wasn't even buttered. What's that?

We just filed it away under "Yankee's Can't Cook" and forgot about it.
More Vices!

If my wine fetish suprised you, I'm sure my tobacco fetish will not. I love cigars. I love pipes. I don't really get into the debate on light vs dark and stuff... like my wine preferences, I like different cigars at different times depending on my mood. Sometimes I like dark, sometimes light. Cigars are like women... once you reach a certain standard, they are all just different flavors of delicious.

I confess, I'm a whore. I'll try almost any cigar that isn't "flavored" or decorated with a white tip.

Recently I've tried Excaliber and Onyx, and I can honestly call them incredible. Punch is still trendy, but I believe over-rated.

Pipe smoke is pretty tricky. It varies so much from store to store. I know its good when I taste it... that's about all I can say about it though. On pipes, the shocking thing to me is that cheap corncob pipes smoke so well. Who knew?

How about it boys and girls? Favorite cigars? Anyone else smoke a pipe?

Normally I'd save this for a Friday, but I'm typing right now and this happens to be what's coming out. I figure I may as well roll with it.

Certainly we all have vices secret and otherwise. No doubt you'll be a little suprised at some of mine. While I doubt any of you were suprised to find that Vox has a Duran Duran fetish, you may be suprised to find out that I have a thing for wine.

I have a particular fondness for Californian and Australian wines, while I have almost complete disdain for the French. Largely this is related to the technology involved, as Americans and Aussies use modern chemical engineering to assure consistancy. At the same time quality control in France is truely pathetic.

You should understand that paying more than 15 bucks for a bottle of French wine is insane. It's like playing the lottery. It may be one of the best bottles you've ever had, or it may be red piss. Even if it is excellent, you can go back and try the exact same vintage agian, and it will likely taste entirely different.

Of the three most notable trends in the industry, 2 are pretty contraversial. The first is the modernization of the process. The use of modern technologies to chart the chemical reactions, and chemical make-ups of the wines. Traditional wineries (mostly in France) refuse to modernize. They've done it a certain way for 300 or 400 years and they ain't changin'. This modernization has actually rekindled the second contraversial topic; Cork Failure.

Now cork failure is an interesting debate. One that modernization has shed a lot of light on. Once you have quality control down, you have a better idea of how often corks really fail. It's remarkable to me that people will see a bottle with a twist cap and assume its cheap wine. This is just silly. You can hardly blame today's wine makers for switching to caps. They've spent tons of money insuring that their wines are consistant. They simply aren't going to tolerate a bottle being ruined by a cork that didn't seal.

Contrast this with the traditionalist over in France. They already know their wine is inconsisant, and cork failure gives them a built in excuse. Every time someone gets a crappy bottle out of a high scoring vintage, they automaticly blame the cork.

This comes down to American professionalism vs. European tradition... Ah but enough... let's have some fun! What about some recommendations?

Jacob's Creek: Aussie's released a Chardonnay-Pinot Noir this year. Love them.
Avila: Their cabernet scored an 87... it costs 13 bucks. What more do you want?
Buehler: A cabernet for those looking to spend a little more. A 90, at 32 bucks. Unbelievable.

While on a trek through the dessert a wise man was offered some grapes to help him along. He declined saying, "I never take my wine in pill form."

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Baby F.A.Q.

As long as we've had Jeb, Julie and I have heard how lucky we are to have such an "easy" baby. He slept really well, ate really well, and was just happy. He never fussed about car rides (including 10 hour drives to Nashville), or even doctors appointments. Of course the as soon as people would compliment us on our luck, they would declare that our next baby would be a nightmare. As if God is sitting up in Heaven dealing out babies by temperment.

All people are different, and since babies are in fact people, all babies are different too. However this does not mean that different babies are substansially different than others in the infant stage. Barring illness, they all need and want the same things.

After listening to this crap about how bad our next baby was going to be, you can imagine that I was secretly happy when I was told that Tiny E was a poor sleeper, and required a lot of attention.

The first couple days watching a 10 week old infant, and a nearly 2 year old toddler... were predictably rough. They both needed something at the same time... all the time! The second night though... I came to a realization. I was doing the same things I had seen these stressed out women do. I wasn't treating Tiny E like I had treated Jeb. He was crying so I was tending to him all the time. Not good.

I talked to my Mom, who happens to be God's Own Baby Tender. We worked out a plan, and what do you know? Tiny E is now perfectly happy to sit by himself in his swing or chair, he's learning to play by himself. He's taking 3 1.5 to 2 hour naps while he's here with me. In otherwords... so much for that "High Needs Baby" crap.

There's a cult out there that claims that some babies are just far more demanding than others. That randomly people get babies who refuse to sleep, refuse to go out in public, refuse to try new food, and refuse to ride in the car. These children spend their days and nights screaming their heads off unless they are getting 1 on 1 attention at all times.

Mothers of these kids have organized blogs and support groups on the net, where they get together and comiserate. They even developed slang, where they refer to "normal" babies, as "lumps". You know... they're just a lump. You can carry them around anywhere.

As the proud father of a "Lump" this is a little irritating.

The worst thing about all this to me is the fact that there is really nothing wrong with these kids at all. Yet to hear people talk about these kids, they're little demons. It's the mothers and fathers that are the problem. They simply are screwing up, and its a miracle these children are putting up with them at all. If these kids are bad at all its because they were made that way, by the very people who now complain. I wonder as well at how parents assume that babies don't know what you're saying. This is absolutely false. If you continually talk about what a bad kid your baby is, he will eventually turn into a bad kid.

Now... I know some of these folks that have these "high needs" babies. In some cases, I really believe it's not always the parents fault. I mean, if you don't know about babies, and you get horrible advice, well it won't be shocking when you end up with a frustrated baby! If there is really someone to blame, blame the pediatricians, and the past-generations who have apparently decided to stop using common sense. It amazes me that people raise their babies based on what the latest 'studies say', when they don't understand the studies at all. As if infants today are different than infants 20 years ago... or 200 years ago for that matter. Babies don't change people! Feed them, keep them warm, and love on them! That's it!

In the interest of helpin' those babies out... Here's the FAQ.

My baby only sleeps when I hold him! This is a common problem, and one you've probably created yourself. Despite the infinitely stupid advice you've been given by your idiot doctor, you and your baby do not share an internal themometer. You may be very warm, while your baby could be freezing. He's not sleeping when you hold him because he loves you. He's sleeping because he's finally warm. Babies have spent their whole lives in a 99 degree oven. You know what 73 degrees feels like to them? Right. A freezer. They hate being cold. You're baby should feel warm when you touch him. If he doesn't, he's cold and unhappy. Put him to sleep with at least 3 layers on, and many blankets.

My baby doesn't take naps! That's rediculous. I was recently told by a pediatrician that there is a normal sleep range for 9-10 week old infants that varies from 8 to 18 hours a day. What a load of crap. This is just the result of doctors not wanting to tell new mom's they're screwing up. Listen carefully: Your baby is a human. Humans sleep when tired. Make sure you're kid is tired, then make sure they're good and warm, then get them a nice full belly, then put them down. The little fella will go right to sleep, and he'll probably sleep for a couple hours.

My baby screams in the car! You've probably been carrying your baby around to much, and they've learned that that is normal. Being away from has become not normal, and babies really aren't that fond of not-normal, unless they've been taught that not-normal is ok. People who have babies on strict predictable schedules often find that their life is pretty easy, until that schedule changes. Then all hell breaks loose. The better option is to make the child operate on your schedule. Take them out often. Mess with them. They like it, once they realize it's ok.

As an addendum to the first to points, I should mention that you should NOT be sleeping with your baby in the bed with you. This is a dumb idea. It may be easy on you breast-feeding moms, but it's hard on your kid. They like their own bed. They like their own space, and when you finally do decide to kick them out of the bed with you, it's going to be hard on them. Besides... why would you expect the child to sleep during the day, alone, when at night they sleep for hours with you beside them?

Ok.. granted it's a short FAQ. But hey, babies eat and sleep. There's not a lot of variation here.

Questions are welcome.

Sunday, October 10, 2004

A day trip?

The wife and I have a sponteneous side. On any given weekend day, we get up in the morning, and there's just no telling what we're liable to get into... This saturday was a great example...

We got up and decided to head down to Cracker Barrel for some breakfast. Now some of the Yankee Contingent may be ignorant of the great joy that is Cracker Barrel, and for you I hold great pity. The place always has a huge roaring fire, and southern cooking that can't be beat. Needless to say we gorged ourselves.

On the way out we ran into a guy we knew who happened to be heading down to Elkins for some small town festival. After some errands we just decided... What the hell? Sure we had other stuff to do, but how often to you get to go to the "Forest Festival"? For crying out loud there were supposed to be lumberjack competitions! How do ya top that?

A fall drive through the hills of West Virginia is gorgeous. We made our lazy way, and eventually found ourselves walkin around a bustlin' fair. There were huge craft displays, so you can imagine that Julie was in heaven. I saw things that I never thought I'd witness in 2004. I saw a genuine Horshoes Tournament. Ringers... Everything they threw... Amazing...

We saw old timey carny displays like "SEE THE MAN EATING SNAKE!" and "4 FOOT SWAMP RAT!" I didn't actually see either one, as I was convinced that the rat was in fact a Kangaroo, and the snake was probably 5 feet long. Still... it was about nastalgia for me.

Jeb had a blast playin' with other youngin' in the little park. All in all you just couldn't top it.

Well... I thought you couldn't. See we came home a different route. We decided to hop on over to Phillipi and catch 119, then take it all the way home. It would be a real nice drive.... hehehe... Little did we know...

See... Makin' our way through Phillipi just as we're about to cross an old covered bridge, Julie spots a sign that says 'tourist info'.

Tourist Info? In Phillipi West Virginia? Well... when you've travelled around as much as I have, you learn that these are the best places in the world. You simply have no idea what you're liable to find. We didn't know it yet, but we were about to find out just how true that was.

We were greeted in this little building by a little old lady who frankly... defied description... except... well... if you've spent any time in small towns you've already met her. She's short, and talkative... and far more energetic than she has any right to be. She was wearing a rediculous dress in an unbelievable shade of purplish doom... and her hat... her hat... well... You know when you go into a bathroom... and they've decorated it by hanging a wicker hat on the wall.. complete with cheap fake flowers on the band? Yeah... She was wearing that hat. For some reason though... I got the distinct impression this old lady was dressed this way just to piss some other old lady off. You know how they do.

Anyway... it turns out this little place was a museam to the first land battle of the War for Southern Independence. The battle had raged through the covered bridge and down main street. There were artifacts and all manner of items from the time. Then... it happened...

The whole time the woman had been guiding us around she'd been dropping facts about this or that... Then she said something I'll never forget:

"Of course, the museum is free, but it's a dollar a piece if you want to see the mummies."

I struggled with that for several seconds, shook my head, and decided I had mis-heard her. Julie was just as confused as I was, but she's not one to let such things go. She wanted to be convinced that the woman had not said what it was that we could not believe she said.

But of course... she had said it. Now... I had turned down the Man-eating Snake, and the 4-Foot Rat for the same price, but I'll be damned if I was gonna pass up this.

We gave 'em 2 dollars and sure enough... back in the backroom they had two mummies. Mummified by some freak in the 1880s, who actually started a mummification company! The smithsonean had come by to visit, and apparently these mummies are still featured on National Geographic's "Mummy Roadshow".

Now I ain't never seen the Queen in her undies, as the fella says... but after this... well... I guess I've seen something ever-bit as stupifying as all that... and ya know... I guess I can die knowin' the good Lord didn't jip me.

Get out and take a drive y'all. Ain't no tellin' what you'll find.

Friday, October 08, 2004


Did John Kerry just say that embrionic stem-cell research could cure parapelegics and quadrapelegics?


There seems to be a bit of an on going debate with some friends of mine about the morality of cursing.

The straightest answer I have gotten so far is based on the fact that the words offend people. Now to me this is a totally unacceptable arguement. Depending on the company you are in the words will not offend anyone. Now, is murder any less wrong because the company you keep thinks it's ok? Hardly.

And if offense is enough to claim immorality, then wasn't Christ a profoundly immoral person? He went about offending people continually, and indeed, charged us to do so as well!

Also, let us consider, is morality subject to the whims of society? That's the logical conclusion of the argument. If society decides homosexuality is perfectly normal and should be celebrated, does the act suddenly cease being immoral? What about adultery? Rape?

Until shown otherwise, I conclude that language is a matter of social protocol, not morality. You don't have a right to happily wander through the world without being offended. Now it would be nice if you could avoid such things that are offensive to you, and that's why we have ratings on movies, and FCC broadcast regulations.

Let me finish up by asking you this... Some religious folks are offended at the very presence of pork. Does that make Pork immoral?

There is a difference between impolite, and immoral.

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Thermodynamics of Hell

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic or endothermic?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having an affair with her, then number 2 above cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is endothermic and will not freeze over.
An Old Favorite

This old boy dies and finds himself at the Pearly Gates. Pete says howdy, shakes his hand, and commences to givin' him the grand tour.

As the two are chit chattin' and strollin' down a pretty gold paved road they pass a church. It's pretty wild in there. Folks wootin' and carryin' on. Fella says, "Pete, who's in there?"

"Oh.. Those are the Pentacostals. They sure have a big time."

So they head on down the road aways and pass another Church. "Who's in there Pete?"


After passing several more churches, that he learned were the Baptists, Catholics, and Episcaple, Pete stopped him and said, "Now you have to be real quiet. We have to sneak by these folks."

"Why Pete?"

"That's the Church of Christ. They think they're the only ones here and we don't want to disappoint 'em."
Rough Times Ahead

Around the country we are seeing that this election is clearly far more important to the extreme left, than the extreme right. We've now seen Republican Headquarters attacked in at least 3 states.

It's with a large grin that I watch the peace and love left resort to physical violence. A media whore like O'Reilly will of course frown on all extremists and attempt to lump them all together, but we've yet to see a Democrat Headquarters attacked. God knows the Far Right is better armed.

So, in the coming landslide victory (it is coming and it will be a landslide), the only interesting question to me is, will the left tolerate it? I suggest they will not.

History shows that when things don't go the way the conservatives want, they shake their heads and go back to work. When things don't go the way of the left though, there is hell to pay. Given that things have already turned violent, and they haven't even lost yet, it makes one wonder how far they will go when W wins over 50% of the vote (something Clinton never did).

For all the preperation and talk on the Far Right, wouldn't it be perfect if it was the Far Left that started the war?

So common wisdom holds that hate and happiness cannot co-exist, that one who has hate in his heart will never be truely happy.

What a load of crap.

Everyone has hate in them. Just like everyone has lungs. It's part of the chasis people. Our emotions are all there, and we deal with the one that bubbles up to the surface at the time.

Think of it a game show wheel. The wheel has all the possible emotions on it, and you deal with the one that comes up. The wheel itself is spun by any number of circumstances, which vary greatly by sex, and by individual.

Let me give some examples:

I got to a Mall: Wheel Spins, lands on "Hate", "Contempt", "Revulsion", and "Discust", or more likely, bounces between those until I leave the mall.

I go for a ride on the CBR: Wheel spins, lands on "Joy", "Excitement", "Fear", "Peace", and "Content", or more likely, bounces between those until I hop off the bike.

Now, the psychobabble community would have us believe that because I hate the Mall people, that I am somehow carrying around some curse that affects me all the time. As if Hate is some consuming mind-virus.

Hate and Anger are not evil any more than Joy is good. They are natural reactions to circumstances. Anger provides a great burst of energy, and can be harnessed to do great things.

Like everything else in this clay chasis we carry around, emotions are tools to be used. The trouble is not deciding which to use, and which to ignore. The trick is to use them all correctly, and not to let them dominate your life.

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

From Res Ispa with Love

A modern Orthodox Jewish couple, preparing for a religious wedding meets with their rabbi for counseling. The rabbi asks if they have any last questions before they leave. The man asks, "Rabbi, we realize it's tradition for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women at the reception. But, we'd like your permission to dance together, like the rest of the world."

Absolutely not," says the rabbi. "It's immodest. Men and women Always dance separately."

"So after the ceremony I can't even dance with my own wife?"

"No," answered the rabbi. "It's forbidden."

"Well, okay," says the man, "What about sex? Can we finally have sex?"

"Of ! course!," replies the rabbi."Sex is a mitzvah -a good thing within marriage, to have children!"

"What about different positions?" asks the man.

"No problem," says the rabbi. "It's a mitzvah!"

"Woman on top?" the man asks.

"Sure," says the rabbi. "Go for it! It's a mitzvah!"

"Doggy style?"

"Sure! Another mitzvah!"

"On the kitchen table?"

"Yes, yes! A mitzvah!"

"Can we do it on rubber sheets with a bottle of hot oil, a couple of vibrators, a leather harness, a bucket of honey and a porno video?"

"You may indeed. It's all a mitzvah!"

"Can we do it standing up?"

"No." says the rabbi."

"Why not?" asks the man.

"Could lead to dancing"

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

On the Loss of a Child.

I don't know if this will help at all, but I hope it does.

The Funeral
-Luke the Drifter

I was walking in savannah past a church, decayed and dim
When slowly through the window came a plaintive funeral hymn
And my sympathy awakened and a wonder quickly grew
’til I found myself envired in a little colored pew.

Out front a colored couple sat in sorrow, nearly wild
On the altar was a casket and in the casket was a child
I could picture him while livin’, curly hair, protuding lips
I’d seen perhaps a thousand in my hurried southern trips.

Rose a sad, old colored preacher from his little wooden desk
With a manner sorta awkward, and countenance grotesque
The simplicity and shrewdness in his eithopian face
Showed the wisdom and ignorance of a crushed, undying race.

And he said, now don’t be weepin’ for this pretty bit of clay
For the little boy who lived there has done gone and run away
He was doin’ very finely and he appreciates your love
But his shore ’nuff father wanted him in the big house up above.

The lord didn’t give you that baby, by no hundred thousand miles
He just thought you need some sunshine, and he lent it for awhile
And he let you keep and love it ’til your hearts were bigger grown
And these silver tears you’re sheddin’ now is just interest on the loan.

Just think, my poor dear mourners, creepin’ ’long on sorrows life’s way
What a blessed picnic this here baby got today
Your good fathers and good mothers crowd the little fellow ’round
In the angel’s tender garden of the big plantation ground.

And his eyes they brightly sparkle at the pretty things he viewed
But a tear came, and he whispered, ’i want my parents , too’
But then the angel’s chief musicians teach that little boy a song
Says if only they be faithful they’ll soon be comin’ ’long.

So, my poor detached mourners, let your hearts with jesus rest
And don’t go to criticizin’ the one what knows the best
He has give us many comforts, he’s got the right to take away
To the lord be praised in glory, forever, let us pray.


I haven't posted much in the last few days. There's been some developments over at the house, and I've just been to busy. I've started watching our friend's infant, "Tiny E". Now Tiny E is an excellent little boy, and remarkably easy to get along with, but at 9 weeks old, he does require a great deal of attention. It has seriously cut into my time... worth it though to help out some friends.

Anyway, Jeb loves him, and its something I'm going to have to get used to. Our's will be hear around April 6th. Jeb brings him toys and constantly loves on him. Yeah... he's gonna do just fine at this 'big brother' stuff.

I figure with the money I'll pick up a 1911, a new over-under (can you say Beretta?), and maybe a pocket gun.

Monday, October 04, 2004

Spaceship One

Well that's that. The X-Prize is officially won. If you didn't get to watch this live, you really missed a treat. Totally not like anything NASA has ever done. It was obvious that no one really knew what to expect.

When the little ship dropped off and fire her rocket, commentators were genuinely stunned. I don't think anyone expected it to be as athletic as it clearly is. She shot out well... like a rocketship is supposed to.

I feel like I just watched sci-fi. Truely cool.

In the next 5 years, we're going to learn how NASA has moved from being an exploration agency, to a risk-avoidance agency.

Private Enterprize baby!

Saturday, October 02, 2004

Weed-eaters and Logic

This ole boy was goin' back to school, and he needed an elective class to fill out his schedule. He found himself talking to a professor about a class on logic. He was interested, but wasn't real sure what the fella would be teachin'.

The professor said, "Well.. let me demonstrate... Do you one a Weed-eater?"

The Fella: Yessir... Yessir... I do...

Professor: So you probably have a yard then.

Fella: Yessir.... Yisser...

Professor: And if you have a yard, then you own a house.

Fella: Yessir.

Professor: and if you own a house, then you're probably married.

Fella: Yessir.

Professor: And since you're married, I know that you are in fact a hetrosexual. See? All that from a weed-eater!

Impressed, the fella signed up for the class.

A couple weeks later the fella found himself in a bar talkin to his buddies about school. One of them asked about the logic class... He said, "well... its hard to explain... Do you own a weed-eater?"

His buddy said, "Nope"


By John Lenin, with a few touches of reality thrown in for fun.

Imagine there's no heaven,
It's easy if you try,
No hell below us,
Above us only sky,
Imagine all the people
devoid of all morality, killing each other, stealing, and raping in an anarchistic orgy of survival of the strongest...

Imagine there's no countries,
It isnt hard to do,
Nothing to kill or die for,
No religion too,
Imagine all the people
With no conscience and no civilization.

Imagine no possesions,
I wonder if you can,
No need for greed or hunger,
A brotherhood of man,
Imagine all the people
Living like monkies in the jungle.

You may say Im a dreamer,
but Im not the only one,
I hope some day you'll join us,
Where you to can take what food you want, rape whom you want, kill whom you want, without fear of government reprizal. Where people have no motivation to produce anything, so they lay around and eventually starve to death.

And John-boy...

All I am saying.... Is Give War a Chance!

Friday, October 01, 2004

Real Friends

So I'm hangin' out at my my place... It's my birthday... I'm alone. Nothing to do. No one to see.

*** Knock Knock Knock ***

Now who the Hell is knockin' on my door at 10pm? The only friends I have in this Godless Hell Hole are Curt, and Erik and Ann. I know for a fact Curt is off bangin' some cute little brunette, and Anne and Erik are at home taking care of their 9 week old baby. Which is exactly where they should be... All three of them... well.. 4 if you count the brunette... 5 if you count the baby...


I put the firearm away when I realized who it was... and I opened the door to find Ann and Erik. These to people, who hate to leave their house, have taken the time to come over and give me a case of Corona. All because I happened to be born on this particular date in 1973.

These two had lots of better things to be doing. Erik has a 30 hour shift tomarrow... and this was Ann's first day back after maternity leave... Still they took the time to go out and buy me some Corona, stop by, and say, "howdy".

So... I hoist one to Ann and Erik. And well... To Curt too. Cause Hell... Were the rolls reversed, I'd be doing the same thing.

As Jamie might say....

Cheers Mates!

The recent assault from our nameless friend has me thinking of a song I'm ashamed to love...

Well I walked up to the bar
I laid down my platinum card
Then I ordered fifty longnecks for my new friends
Well the barmaid passed them out
And before we chugged them down
I held mine up and Said here's to us and them

Well this blonde slid up to me
Said that was awful sweet
Then I saw her boyfriend As wide as he was tall
Well he broke up our hug
With a six foot, five inch shove
And I found myself slammed up Against the wall

Why does everybody want
To kick my ass
I'm just trying to have a little fun
For all the ones who can't
And just because I kiss the prettiest girls
And I drive my truck to fast
Why does everybody want
To kick my ass?

To John and Big Kenny... My sincere thanks.
Screw the Polls

Bush won the debate. You want to see the proof?

It's right here.

Can someone please explain this to me?
Neyland Nightmare

Coach Bill Curry recalls a visit to Neyland Stadium.

I stood in the bowels of Neyland Stadium with our Georgia Tech football team as we waited to take the field in 1983. We had played very well there two years earlier, losing a tight game in the closing minutes. In 1982 our struggling program had taken its first giant step to recovery with a win over Tennessee in Atlanta and in my mind this game was to be the next quantum leap for us.

It was a misty day with an eerie quality and poor light in the tunnel, obscured from the field as we were by a gaggle of dignitaries. They were to be introduced in a ceremony of some sort. In those days we were a favorite homecoming opponent, so maybe that was what was going on.
I heard the raucous crowd go silent at length, after which a raspy voice began to speak in reverent tones on the stadium's public address system. "That's a strange voice. What on Earth is he doing?" I wondered aloud. The security man standing with me leaned over and whispered loudly, "That's Reggie. He prays, too."

I struggled with that for several seconds until reality struck with a cold chill. Reggie White, the Minister of Defense, was praying with his crowd. I sensed we were in trouble. Not only could the future NFL Hall of Fame defensive end destroy offenses, he could invoke the assistance of the Almighty, doing so in a way that would inspire his team and the huge crowd. However all that works, it was effective for the Vols that day as White dominated before, during, and after the game.

Beware the spirits, holy or otherwise in that Neyland place!