Wednesday, March 09, 2011

Bad Joke Wednesday

I know its been forever... but why not?


Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that patrolled the area. Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I were a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten..." Just then a mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted!" and, lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time went on (as it invariably does...) and Justin found himself becoming bored and lonely as a shark. All his old friends simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin realised that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight. While out swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and couldn't believe his luck - he figured the fish could change him back into a prawn. He begged the cod to change him back, so - lo and behold - he became a prawn again.

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail. (The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's worse.)

Looking around the gathering at the reef, he searched for his old pal but he wasn't there. "Where's Christian?" he asked.

"He's at home, distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark," came the reply.

Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's house. As he opened the coral gate the memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin - your old friend! Come out and see me again!"

Christian replied "No way man, you'll eat me. You're a shark, the enemy and I'll not be tricked."

Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed!"

...."I've found Cod, I'm a prawn again, Christian!"

Some years ago, the famous San Diego Zoo opened a second, larger branch called the San Diego Wild Animal Park. The park is built around an enormous open-field enclosure where the animals roam free. To see the animals, visitors ride on a monorail called the Wgasa Bush Line which circles the enclosure. Here's the true story of how the Wgasa Bush Line got its name.

They wanted to give the monorail a jazzy, African sounding name. So they sent out a memo to a bunch of zoo staffers saying, "What shall we call the monorail at the Wild Animal Park?" One of the memos came back with "WGASA" written on the bottom. The planners loved it and the rest is history. What the planners didn't know was that the zoo staffer had not intended to suggest a name. He was using an acronym which was popular at the time. It stood for "Who Gives A Shit Anyhow?"

I heard that the nursing home down the block is experimentally using Viagra to keep the male clients from falling out of bed.

A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender "I'd like".
The bartender looks at him and says "sure bud, but what's with the big paws?"

Did you happen to hear about Cyclops closing his school? It seems he only had one pupil.

What do you call it when a group of psychologists go swimming naked?
A Freudian dip.

Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
To get to the bottom

How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on it!

After the earthquake one mountain says to the other mountain, "Hey, it's not my fault!"

What kind of beer do vampires drink?
Blood Light

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the washroom?
Because the pee is silent.

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