Thursday, July 16, 2015

Ilkmoot: After Action Report - Part II

PuppyPalooza was a great time...  but at long last I looked at my watch and realized it was 8:40 and the ATF show was supposed to kick off at 9.   Over the next 10 minutes we tried to figure out who was going where with whom... and eventually a bunch of guys piled into my truck and we bailed for Bastrop. 

I dropped larry off at the house...  or... tried too...  Larry had locked himself out of his house...  somehow.  And that sucked... because all of our fantastic booze was in there.   So now me and Clint have to drive out back to the hotel dry... and try to do the ATF show... dry.

I made it to the room late... called up Six... and he didn't answer the phone so I punted.. and just tried to do the show myself.  There was no hype or even announcement of the show so I doubt very many of you heard it live.  Those of you who did... did.  Anyway Clint realized I was doing the show with no booze... and he was deeply offended by this... so he went out and grabbed a case of Shiner Bock.  God Bless him.    We bullshitted for a while on air... and the door to my hotel room gets thrown open.. and in bursts the boys... with Marrku in tow.  

I killed the show as fast as I could... ran over gave Marrku a huge hug...  which... he was clearly prepared for  because he was not at all uncomfortable.   I was deeply disappointed by this. 

It was drinking and merriment in the room for the next several hours...   I know at one point Josh... a very polite and reserved young man of 25...  was looking at the label on my Knob Creek Barrel Strength Bourbon...   120 proof.

He pours himself a couple fingers.. and takes a drink like its no big deal at all.

Then he nearly explodes.   Face turns red...  eyes clamp down...  I thought the kid was gonna die.

He realized I saw this and he deadpanned "I thought it was gonna come out my nose."

Kid had misread the label.. he thought it said 20 proof.   Just totally ignored that 1 in the hundreds position.   Well... Lesson learned eh? anway we stayed up bullshitting and drinking until at some point we realized Marrku was gone.   Clint was sitting on the foot of the bed... but he was glassy eyed...  no one was home.   We figured it was time to pack it up... and started moving people to the door when I looked down at the bathroom door and see a black socked foot on the floor in the doorway.  We found Marrku inside.   Pictures were taken.

Me and Larry and Matthew got Marrku to bed...  I remember finding a trashcan somewhere to put by the bed...  just in case.   the boys all headed to bed... and I crashed too.

We slepted until about 10...  both Marrku and I were kind of half ass awake...  and I suggested he jump in the shower.  He thought that was an excellent idea... since he really wanted to wash the detroit off...

At some point I got out of bed and walked across the room... and I realized that was a spectacularly bad idea...  so I went right back to bed.

Eventually we got our shit together enough to be mobile... and we decided we needed to get some damn coffee.  I ended up driving right back to that same tex-mex place.. where we proceeded to stuff ourselves on coffee, fajitas, and yep..  Marrku had a beer.

Marrku dug the mexican food.  I had to point out that the next time he started thinking about how fat americans are... he should remember that we have this kind of food available... all the time.  any time we want it.

You'd be fat too.

Now... I know this is taking a while...  but I am a busy guy these days...  so you'll just have to wait.   Because we pick up next at Larry's place...  and then its off to the shooting range.  But all of that...

Is in Part III.


Clint said...

Glassy Eyed. Good descriptor. After about 7 beers, those two big old Bourbons put me down for the count. Glad my room was just across the hall.

I am just glad Zach found my sunglasses in his car. The sunlight the next day was WAY too bright.

Oh, and Zach, if you read this. Sorry about leaving that spit bottle in your car.

Bill said...

Ok. So you didn't have any authors, didn't discuss any books, you just got drunk and all you guys slept together, then Nate and Marrku got in the shower. How is this not the plot of a lifetime movie?

I just have a difficult time believing that Farmer Tom engaged in any gay shenanigans (shagg-anigans?).

So, more of an ilk-moot than a puppies meetup.


Res Ipsa said...

Pictures were taken.

Are you still hung over? Post em all ready.

John Williams said...

Pictures? I second Res's motion.

120 proof story *grin*

patrick kelly said...

Damn, sorry I missed all this. Gotta' save up those pennies so I can visit NateIstan in Bama' next year....

ATX area ilk please post about any other ilk-ish meet ups in the area.

Difster VFM #109 said...

Only Nate and Markku stayed in Nate's room. I can neither confirm nor deny that they slept in the same bed and/or showered together.

Markku did actually look a little put off by the hug, I think he was simply too tired to protest. Nate's a huggy guy. I grew up in Minnesota, we were not huggy people but I've somewhat adapted. It must have been culture shock for Markku.

At some point when we were preparing to leave, we found Mr. Blacksocks passed out on the bathroom floor. The door was just slightly ajar and it was with much fear and trepidation that anyone (I think Zach might have looked first) dared see what was really going on. Truly, we did not know what to expect. God was kind to us and Markku remained fully dressed; at least he was when I left. While it's true that Matthew and I put Markku in bed, he was there for approximately 10 seconds when he stood up and went back in to the bathroom. Puking was heard.

I do have the picture of Markku passed out on the bathroom floor but I won't share it without his permission (or unless a high enough price is paid).

Nate left out a lot of other details involving "gay face" and what constitutes gay sex. He seems to be somewhat of an expert; I'll let you draw your own conclusions. There were deep theological and intellectual discussions after the homo-talk was done.

At the meeting the previous night, our potential infiltrator had been told that we were meeting at my house fairly early. Well, he showed up at my door at 7:55 on a Saturday morning after I had been up well past 3AM. Clint showed up about an hour later and was kind enough to wait on my front porch until there were stirrings in my abode.

I'll let Nate continue from here with the next episode.

patrick kelly said...


Do you check the email listed on your blogspot page?

Difster VFM #109 said...

Patrick, I never check that email anymore.

If you want to send me an email there I'll go look and then reply with my normal email.

Markku said...

That plane that broke, by the way: It broke on the runway. Just seconds before we were meant to take off, a warning light turned up (explained the captain through the intercom) that informed him that the brakes are broken. Some mechanics came and tried to fix the brakes, but eventually they figured they cannot do it without spare parts so another plane was redirected to Detroit for us.

So, think about that, next time you're flying. Will it be ten seconds too late for you?

Markku said...

Also, I didn't actually vomit by the way. I just had a little stomach acid come up. I've never drunk stronger than 40 vol % whiskey, and it turns out that 60% to an almost empty stomach makes it protest a little.

However, then I decided that I'd lie on the floor for about a minute or so, to make sure that there's no secondary eruption of ol' faithful. That was the big mistake, after 20 hours of travel.

Markku said...

What I'm saying is, someone said the words "I thought Finns could hold their alcohol down" as I was in the toilet. I was too busy gagging to call him on that (whoever it was) and then too asleep to do it later. But I did hold it down. A few drops may have visited my throat to say hi, but they went back down right away.

Bill said...

Well, that was quite different than the Capitol of the World meetup. We just chatted, had a nice dinner, chatted after dinner, then went home to our respective opposite-sex spouses. I guess cultural differences are greater than I thought.
Well, vive-la-différence, or you know, whatever - not that there's anything wrong with that...

(whatever happened to Dr. Who?)

Lulabelle (68) said...

First off......Difster: evidently wearing black socks is all the rage with the hipsters. Just FYI.....cause I noticed you called Markuu "Mr. Black Socks" - as though that was a derogatory term. You be's wrong. much for the pic of Markuu on the bathroom floor? I've got a little savings laid back from my grocery $$ allotment.

Markku said...

I don't know what color you would have expected the socks to be, but if it's white, then a man wearing white socks except while doing sports is a faux pas here. White socks used in a social context is for women.

Res Ipsa said...


"I think the lady protesteth to much"

Just say'n.

Matthew said...

Nate ... elided ... the part where I brought him a bouqet of Wal-Mart flowers, in gaudy red, white, blue, and sparkly purple.

Bill said...

Ohhh, you bought him flowers, that's so sweet. I hope he appreciated them, you know, some men can just be so mean.