Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Listen Up

You. Yes You. Sit your ass down. We need to talk.

Listen... I know you're all fired up about your cause. I don't particularly care what cause it is. Global Warming... Save the Whales... Poverty... AIDs... Race... Gay Marriage... the NRA... yes this goes for the so-called Right-Wingers too... especially you nimrod charasmatics.

I swear... just listing off the causes makes me want to deepthroat a cattleprod. If it were up to me... we'd round up all these interest groups... these assinine pet causes... and we'd slow cook the folks in charge of them and serve 'em with Au Ju.

You think those folks give a damn about their cause? Oh sure... there may be a handfull of true believers... but they ain't running things. These are money-making outfits. Scams. Take the global warming groups...

They create their own demand by ejecting bullshit on a defensless public... the public, being defenseless and more than a little stupid, buys it... and starts worrying about global warming. And what do you do when you worry? Right! You send someone a check. Good thinking!

NRA? Same deal. They say the boogie man's coming to get our guns... but they sure don't seem to interested in actually defending the second-amendment. Just send the check please.

PETA? Check. Same deal.

Think about it... do you really think Karl Marx believed that crap he wrote all work being equal? He wasn't a fool. He wrote it for you because he knew you were fools. He wasn't planning a Utopia... he was manipulating you. Ya know what else? He did a hulluva job!

And what about you... Mr I-Fall-For-Every-New-Theology-That-Comes-Down-The-Pike? Do you actually think this charasmatic crap is the product of original thought? No no.. its not that its original... its that... this is the way it really used to be... and we're just trying to get back to it... right? You're just fixing everyone else's mistakes. Right.. now remember next month is our special Giving Service.. you should be there because you know... if you don't give, you'll lose your spiritual covering!

What was that I said... oh yeah... Fixing everyone else's mistakes... See? that's what they all have in common.

They're all built to cater to your ego. You're smarter than everyone else because you know we're ruining the earth... or killing all the animals... or the fish.. or worshiping incorrectly... or celebrating the wrong holidays...

See how smart you are? No sit down, shut up, and send us your money.

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