Thursday, January 24, 2008

The Greatest Movie Premise of All Time

So... I'm slouching around the web lastnight... and I come upon a few blurbs on a movie... Now understand... I've not seen said movie. I've only read a few things about it... but given the premise I cannot imagine how this movie could be anything but unspeakably awesome.

The movie... also saddled with a horrible name... is Cloverfield.

Now I understand that the name Cloverfield is clever and somehow relevent to the movie... but look... movies are about marketing. What this movie should've been named is... GIANT SEA MONSTER DESTROYS NEW YORK.(GSMDNY)

Now look... who wants to go see a movie named Cloverfield? But lets face it... Every red blooded American would love to see GSMDNY.

And let me tell ya... when I say Giant Sea Monster... I mean G I A N T. Let me give you some scale here... On the level of big monsters... Godzilla is the top dog. Godzilla was said to have weighed in at 25,000 tons. Nice right?

Well... this Giant Sea Monster weighs in at 500,000 tons.

No go look at a hotwheels car. That's probably what... 1/16th scale? Godzilla is like 1/25th scale to this thing.

Ahhh... but does it destroy New York? Because usually these guys have some chump save NYC in the end.

Not this time. The beast has killed virtually everyone in NYC just 10 hours after the attack begins.... and the movie ends with the US military bombing the whole city to ruin to try to insure the great beast is slain.

Now look... I don't care how much liberal propoganda there is in the flick... millions of dead yankees will SURELY make up for it!

Again... I've not seen this film... if any of you have.. I'd love to hear about it. It sounds like porn to me.

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