You need to see this. No really. You do. Bonus points if you can name all the songs they start quoting in the last couple segments.

ATF: The 9/11 Anniversary Edition

Tonight I remember 9/11. I remember it for one reason and one reason alone. I remember it because it was a day that changed everything. The new normal. It effected each and every one of us. It changed how we see the world... it changed right and wrong. It changed work and home. I will never forget the reason I commemorate 9-11. I hold the day dear... like so many other days of great historical significance... because on September Eleventh...

Paul "Bear" Bryant was born.

What you were thinking I was talking about something else? Yeah... Right...

A: Makers Mark... and Jacob's Creek Merlot. I note a new screw top on it. I am well pleased.

T: I'm in a rut here boys. Same Ghurkas.

F: Taurus Tracker .357 mag. They say the seventh shot is for evil.

Awfully good to hear music about shooting government employees.

ATF

So here we go again eh?

I can't blog long... which I suppose is obvious... because I'm getting ready for Vox's fantasy football draft tomorrow... still... there are things to cover.

Such as...

A: Funf Reisling. I know I know. But I don't hide my wine nerd characteristics. I love wine. All of it. And this stuff is excellent. Yes... it comes with a screw on top. Which, people who actually know wine, know means it doesn't turn to vinegar because a cork failed. I highly recommend it. Its a little sweet but not offensive. Apples and Nectarines... all citrus and wood. The finish lasts forever. I swear you could sip a glass for an hour and never lose the taste completely. Glorious.

T: I mentioned those Gurkas. It doesn't take a psychic to predict what I'll be lighting later.

F: I saw this today... and I knew I had my ATF post down. A 3D Zombie Target that bleeds when you shoot it. Well butter my ass and call me a biscuit. I am impressed.

Time for an ATF post eh boys?

Indeed. On with it then.

A: A is for AmberBock. At least tonight it is. I would be imbibing with something a little stouter I suppose but I'm on my own with the boys.

T: Pipesmoke boys... Pipe smoke. Cavendish of some sort... I have no idea. I do love a fine pipe though. The ritual of the thing... the packing and mucking about. The fuss of it is extremely relaxing.

F: Shot my neighbor's dog today for attacking my peafowl and chickens. After the first attack... my neighbor drove up to my place... in nothing but boxers mind you... and said, "I saw that fucking dog of mine chasin' ya birds. Here's my pistol. You shoot that mother fucker if he does it again." I smiled and declined... I pointed out that I had plenty of pistols of my own but I appreciated that he understood. A while later the dog was over there again and nearly killed a chicken. .357 went bang. My neighbor offered me a beer and said, "Motherfucker had it comin'." Welcome to the rural south.

ATF

How about some tunes for the occasion?

Yeah... That will do. So one with it then.

A)Modelo Especial to start... but I have some Makers 46 that is calling my name. If you haven't tried it yet... you're simply a philistine. Get thee hence!!!

T) For fathers day I was given a rather spectacular gift... a Ghurka Spec Ops special edition gift set. It came with a bunch of special edition Ghurka cigars... in a pelican case... along with a cool khukuri and thigh sheath. It even came with a sweet commemorative coin. The add-ons are sweet... but its all about the cigars... and they are amazing. After smoking one... you will wonder why marijuana is illegal and these aren't.

F) Lets start with my unborn daughter's namesake. I give you... the CZ 2075 Rami. This little sweetheart will no doubt become her mother's preferred carry piece... in .40 of course. Not the decocker and the ability to carry it cocked and locked. The weapon is ridiculously accurate... you know that.. because it says, "CZ" right there on the slide.

Time Management

Its 5:30am in Greenville, SC. You need to get to south Alabama as fast as possible. Today we compare riding with flying.

The flight option:

Leaving after 6:00am.. the earliest arrivals in Mobile get there at 10:40. If you only have carry on luggage... you then can find a car... The airport is still another hour away from the destination. Figure 10 minutes to get to your car.

Best Case Arrival Time: 11:50am

The Rapid Transit Authority Option:

At 6:00am you throw a leg over the big BMW RT and roll out. You stop to eat when you're hungry... you stop for gas three times... And you arrive happy and hungry.

Real World Arrival Time: 11:35am.

Total cost for the flight: 286 dollars plus a bonus TSA rape.

Total cost of the ride: 25 bucks in gas... 8 bucks in food.

I have decided to adopt that name for JAC and I...

we are.. The Rapid Transit Authority.

Perspective

So last year I was researching off shore banking, and lets face it, if you have not researched off shore banking yet then you have your head in the sand. It was an extremely frustrating process as I came to realize that in the international banking world I am largely pariah. Why? Because I am an american.

See when international banks deal with americans, they are inviting the american government to have a look at them as well... and for most apparently its just not worth it.

One particular incident with a small canton bank in Switzerland stuck out. I was talking to a banker there and he simply said they could not help me because I am american, and they had no interest in my government's paranoid control issues.

Off the cuff I remarked, "Wow... so we've become the Soviet Union eh?"

He chuckled and said, "No. We dealt with them."

On the 150th Anniversary...

Edmund Ruffin's Final Words. Ruffin fired the first shot on Sumpter... and killed himself after writing these words.

I here declare my unmitigated hatred to Yankee rule—to all political, social and business connection with the Yankees and to the Yankee race. Would that I could impress these sentiments, in their full force, on every living Southerner and bequeath them to every one yet to be born! May such sentiments be held universally in the outraged and down-trodden South, though in silence and stillness, until the now far-distant day shall arrive for just retribution for Yankee usurpation, oppression and atrocious outrages, and for deliverance and vengeance for the now ruined, subjugated and enslaved Southern States!

...And now with my latest writing and utterance, and with what will be near my latest breath, I here repeat and would willingly proclaim my unmitigated hatred to yankee rule--to all political, social and business connections with Yankees, and the perfidious, malignant and vile Yankee race.

Bad Joke Wednesday

Let's start with my boy Eli's favorite joke.

What's a whale's favorite game?

Swallow the leader.

Why is bra singular but panties is plural?

What do you get when you cross the atlantic ocean with the Titanic?

Halfway.

Did you hear about the cannibal that got expelled?

He was buttering up his teacher.

Man walks into a bar looking forlorn. Bartender asks him, "You've been walking on air for weeks mate, what's wrong?" The man says... "My wife an I had a fight and she kicked me out for a month. Months up today."

Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Hey.. My name's Pavlov. Ring a bell?

Why does a moon rock taste better than an earth rock?

Its a little meteor.

Bert asked Earnie if he wanted some ice cream. Earnie said, "sure, Bert."

Why do bicycles fall over?

Because they're two-tired.

What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?

Same middle name.

Solar Power, Sort Of

Lets put the solar problem for example... in perspective.

The US uses 29PWh per year in energy. That doesn't sound like much until you realize that a PWh is 1 quadrillion (that's a 1 with 15 zeros behind it) watts. 29 of THOSE. That's a lot. Right?

Now... it take About 4.5 acres to make 1 mega watt.... which is 1 million watts. (that comes from a tree hugger pro-solar site, so with the standard fudge factor its probably twice that much but for the sake of argument will pretend they aren't fibbing.)

Ok.. so there are 2.3 billion acres of land in the US (I did not survey it myself. I googled it. Its a big number and I expected a big number so I went with it.). So if we were to wipe out the entire USA... clear cut the whole thing... and assume that all of it will produce electricity at the best possible rate.... A little division tells us that's 511,111,111 mega watts. In reality that number is WAY over estimated but again... we'll go with it.

I see your eyes glazing over.... you're seeing BIG number and another BIG number but the perspective is hard. So let me spare you the trouble of pulling out your old scientific calculator... and point out that if we wiped out the whole US... and covered it with the most advanced solar power plants we wouldn't even make .0000058% of the power we currently consume.

That... is how utter pathetic and useless solar power is.

But look... do you really understand how small that is?

One more bit of perspective for you... imagine owing a hospital 1 million dollars. Its do now. Right now. And you have $58 bucks in your checking account.

I did all this on my own... mostly in my head... so please feel free to check the math. I will include any corrections that need to be made here. Regardless... you'll see that solar is simply pathetic.

TC Bank- Dream Rangers

Ride dammit.

Ride.

Flying Car - Maverick 2

You ask... where is my flying car?

Here is your flying car. And yes... it is a real company and it received FAA permission to begin production just a few months ago. Want to know more?

Paper Does Not Beat Rock

Heads Up

There will be an ATF post this friday. You have been duly notified. Booze... Guns... Smoke. Can't beat it. We will be talking Semi-Auto Sub guns, close combat rifles... and some of the new firearms that have come out like the new Raging Judge.

Bring your bourbon and smokes.

How long till its weaponized?

So I'm mucking about the internets... minding my own business.. and what do I see?? This.

Bloody. Hell.

We have a fungus... that turns ants into zombies. Are you listening people? How long do you think it will be before this crap is weaponized and ready for use on humans? Years? Months? Hell it probably already is.

That's it... Zombie Preparedness... that's the next big startup. We need Zombie Preparedness camps... corporate retreats... everything.

TSHTF boys. Its a matter of time before some psycho rag head lets this crap loose in the name of Allah... or... the US government itself doses the whole country from the sky to save money on public schooling.

Bad Joke Wednesday

I know its been forever... but why not?

Begin!

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that patrolled the area. Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I were a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten..." Just then a mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted!" and, lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time went on (as it invariably does...) and Justin found himself becoming bored and lonely as a shark. All his old friends simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin realised that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight. While out swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and couldn't believe his luck - he figured the fish could change him back into a prawn. He begged the cod to change him back, so - lo and behold - he became a prawn again.

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail. (The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's worse.)

Looking around the gathering at the reef, he searched for his old pal but he wasn't there. "Where's Christian?" he asked.

"He's at home, distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark," came the reply.

Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's house. As he opened the coral gate the memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin - your old friend! Come out and see me again!"

Christian replied "No way man, you'll eat me. You're a shark, the enemy and I'll not be tricked."

Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed!"

...."I've found Cod, I'm a prawn again, Christian!"

Some years ago, the famous San Diego Zoo opened a second, larger branch called the San Diego Wild Animal Park. The park is built around an enormous open-field enclosure where the animals roam free. To see the animals, visitors ride on a monorail called the Wgasa Bush Line which circles the enclosure. Here's the true story of how the Wgasa Bush Line got its name.

They wanted to give the monorail a jazzy, African sounding name. So they sent out a memo to a bunch of zoo staffers saying, "What shall we call the monorail at the Wild Animal Park?" One of the memos came back with "WGASA" written on the bottom. The planners loved it and the rest is history. What the planners didn't know was that the zoo staffer had not intended to suggest a name. He was using an acronym which was popular at the time. It stood for "Who Gives A Shit Anyhow?"

I heard that the nursing home down the block is experimentally using Viagra to keep the male clients from falling out of bed.

A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender "I'd like a.................beer".
The bartender looks at him and says "sure bud, but what's with the big paws?"

Did you happen to hear about Cyclops closing his school? It seems he only had one pupil.

What do you call it when a group of psychologists go swimming naked?
A Freudian dip.

Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
To get to the bottom

How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on it!

After the earthquake one mountain says to the other mountain, "Hey, it's not my fault!"

What kind of beer do vampires drink?
Blood Light

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the washroom?
Because the pee is silent.