ATF

How about some tunes for the occasion?

Yeah... That will do. So one with it then.

A)Modelo Especial to start... but I have some Makers 46 that is calling my name. If you haven't tried it yet... you're simply a philistine. Get thee hence!!!

T) For fathers day I was given a rather spectacular gift... a Ghurka Spec Ops special edition gift set. It came with a bunch of special edition Ghurka cigars... in a pelican case... along with a cool khukuri and thigh sheath. It even came with a sweet commemorative coin. The add-ons are sweet... but its all about the cigars... and they are amazing. After smoking one... you will wonder why marijuana is illegal and these aren't.

F) Lets start with my unborn daughter's namesake. I give you... the CZ 2075 Rami. This little sweetheart will no doubt become her mother's preferred carry piece... in .40 of course. Not the decocker and the ability to carry it cocked and locked. The weapon is ridiculously accurate... you know that.. because it says, "CZ" right there on the slide.

Time Management

Its 5:30am in Greenville, SC. You need to get to south Alabama as fast as possible. Today we compare riding with flying.

The flight option:

Leaving after 6:00am.. the earliest arrivals in Mobile get there at 10:40. If you only have carry on luggage... you then can find a car... The airport is still another hour away from the destination. Figure 10 minutes to get to your car.

Best Case Arrival Time: 11:50am

The Rapid Transit Authority Option:

At 6:00am you throw a leg over the big BMW RT and roll out. You stop to eat when you're hungry... you stop for gas three times... And you arrive happy and hungry.

Real World Arrival Time: 11:35am.

Total cost for the flight: 286 dollars plus a bonus TSA rape.

Total cost of the ride: 25 bucks in gas... 8 bucks in food.

I have decided to adopt that name for JAC and I...

we are.. The Rapid Transit Authority.

Perspective

So last year I was researching off shore banking, and lets face it, if you have not researched off shore banking yet then you have your head in the sand. It was an extremely frustrating process as I came to realize that in the international banking world I am largely pariah. Why? Because I am an american.

See when international banks deal with americans, they are inviting the american government to have a look at them as well... and for most apparently its just not worth it.

One particular incident with a small canton bank in Switzerland stuck out. I was talking to a banker there and he simply said they could not help me because I am american, and they had no interest in my government's paranoid control issues.

Off the cuff I remarked, "Wow... so we've become the Soviet Union eh?"

He chuckled and said, "No. We dealt with them."

On the 150th Anniversary...

Edmund Ruffin's Final Words. Ruffin fired the first shot on Sumpter... and killed himself after writing these words.

I here declare my unmitigated hatred to Yankee rule—to all political, social and business connection with the Yankees and to the Yankee race. Would that I could impress these sentiments, in their full force, on every living Southerner and bequeath them to every one yet to be born! May such sentiments be held universally in the outraged and down-trodden South, though in silence and stillness, until the now far-distant day shall arrive for just retribution for Yankee usurpation, oppression and atrocious outrages, and for deliverance and vengeance for the now ruined, subjugated and enslaved Southern States!

...And now with my latest writing and utterance, and with what will be near my latest breath, I here repeat and would willingly proclaim my unmitigated hatred to yankee rule--to all political, social and business connections with Yankees, and the perfidious, malignant and vile Yankee race.

Bad Joke Wednesday

Let's start with my boy Eli's favorite joke.

What's a whale's favorite game?

Swallow the leader.

Why is bra singular but panties is plural?

What do you get when you cross the atlantic ocean with the Titanic?

Halfway.

Did you hear about the cannibal that got expelled?

He was buttering up his teacher.

Man walks into a bar looking forlorn. Bartender asks him, "You've been walking on air for weeks mate, what's wrong?" The man says... "My wife an I had a fight and she kicked me out for a month. Months up today."

Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Hey.. My name's Pavlov. Ring a bell?

Why does a moon rock taste better than an earth rock?

Its a little meteor.

Bert asked Earnie if he wanted some ice cream. Earnie said, "sure, Bert."

Why do bicycles fall over?

Because they're two-tired.

What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?

Same middle name.

Solar Power, Sort Of

Lets put the solar problem for example... in perspective.

The US uses 29PWh per year in energy. That doesn't sound like much until you realize that a PWh is 1 quadrillion (that's a 1 with 15 zeros behind it) watts. 29 of THOSE. That's a lot. Right?

Now... it take About 4.5 acres to make 1 mega watt.... which is 1 million watts. (that comes from a tree hugger pro-solar site, so with the standard fudge factor its probably twice that much but for the sake of argument will pretend they aren't fibbing.)

Ok.. so there are 2.3 billion acres of land in the US (I did not survey it myself. I googled it. Its a big number and I expected a big number so I went with it.). So if we were to wipe out the entire USA... clear cut the whole thing... and assume that all of it will produce electricity at the best possible rate.... A little division tells us that's 511,111,111 mega watts. In reality that number is WAY over estimated but again... we'll go with it.

I see your eyes glazing over.... you're seeing BIG number and another BIG number but the perspective is hard. So let me spare you the trouble of pulling out your old scientific calculator... and point out that if we wiped out the whole US... and covered it with the most advanced solar power plants we wouldn't even make .0000058% of the power we currently consume.

That... is how utter pathetic and useless solar power is.

But look... do you really understand how small that is?

One more bit of perspective for you... imagine owing a hospital 1 million dollars. Its do now. Right now. And you have $58 bucks in your checking account.

I did all this on my own... mostly in my head... so please feel free to check the math. I will include any corrections that need to be made here. Regardless... you'll see that solar is simply pathetic.

TC Bank- Dream Rangers

Ride dammit.

Ride.

Flying Car - Maverick 2

You ask... where is my flying car?

Here is your flying car. And yes... it is a real company and it received FAA permission to begin production just a few months ago. Want to know more?

Paper Does Not Beat Rock

Heads Up

There will be an ATF post this friday. You have been duly notified. Booze... Guns... Smoke. Can't beat it. We will be talking Semi-Auto Sub guns, close combat rifles... and some of the new firearms that have come out like the new Raging Judge.

Bring your bourbon and smokes.

How long till its weaponized?

So I'm mucking about the internets... minding my own business.. and what do I see?? This.

Bloody. Hell.

We have a fungus... that turns ants into zombies. Are you listening people? How long do you think it will be before this crap is weaponized and ready for use on humans? Years? Months? Hell it probably already is.

That's it... Zombie Preparedness... that's the next big startup. We need Zombie Preparedness camps... corporate retreats... everything.

TSHTF boys. Its a matter of time before some psycho rag head lets this crap loose in the name of Allah... or... the US government itself doses the whole country from the sky to save money on public schooling.

Bad Joke Wednesday

I know its been forever... but why not?

Begin!

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that patrolled the area. Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I were a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten..." Just then a mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted!" and, lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time went on (as it invariably does...) and Justin found himself becoming bored and lonely as a shark. All his old friends simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin realised that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight. While out swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and couldn't believe his luck - he figured the fish could change him back into a prawn. He begged the cod to change him back, so - lo and behold - he became a prawn again.

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail. (The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's worse.)

Looking around the gathering at the reef, he searched for his old pal but he wasn't there. "Where's Christian?" he asked.

"He's at home, distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark," came the reply.

Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's house. As he opened the coral gate the memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin - your old friend! Come out and see me again!"

Christian replied "No way man, you'll eat me. You're a shark, the enemy and I'll not be tricked."

Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed!"

...."I've found Cod, I'm a prawn again, Christian!"

Some years ago, the famous San Diego Zoo opened a second, larger branch called the San Diego Wild Animal Park. The park is built around an enormous open-field enclosure where the animals roam free. To see the animals, visitors ride on a monorail called the Wgasa Bush Line which circles the enclosure. Here's the true story of how the Wgasa Bush Line got its name.

They wanted to give the monorail a jazzy, African sounding name. So they sent out a memo to a bunch of zoo staffers saying, "What shall we call the monorail at the Wild Animal Park?" One of the memos came back with "WGASA" written on the bottom. The planners loved it and the rest is history. What the planners didn't know was that the zoo staffer had not intended to suggest a name. He was using an acronym which was popular at the time. It stood for "Who Gives A Shit Anyhow?"

I heard that the nursing home down the block is experimentally using Viagra to keep the male clients from falling out of bed.

A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender "I'd like a.................beer".
The bartender looks at him and says "sure bud, but what's with the big paws?"

Did you happen to hear about Cyclops closing his school? It seems he only had one pupil.

What do you call it when a group of psychologists go swimming naked?
A Freudian dip.

Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
To get to the bottom

How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on it!

After the earthquake one mountain says to the other mountain, "Hey, it's not my fault!"

What kind of beer do vampires drink?
Blood Light

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the washroom?
Because the pee is silent.

The Coming Doom

So.. you think housing prices have bottomed out? Not even close. Look... and despair.

So what are we looking at? The 100 line is is the 100 year average, inflation adjusted. So its the same house... tracking the price over time.

Now note the spike in the 1890s and the dip following it. Now look at the spike starting in 1998. We must conclude that not only will the price drop down to the 100 line. We must conclude it will drop far far below it... in proportionality to the spike.

Now... I believe we will see another spike before the big dip... but the dip will still come. So if you're buying right now... my advice is simple.

Find out what the peak value of the property was over the last 10 years... and pay no more than half of it. Ideally.. you should pay a third of it.

The End of Awareness

Since when did talking about a problem make it go away? Call me crazy... but don't problems require solutions? Don't they require actual action? Being aware of an existence of a problem doesn't do a damned bit of good if no action is taken to remedy it. So bearing all this in mind... will someone please tell me why I should give a damn about these pink ribbons?

Every year we're bombarded with pink... all through October.

The cynic in me would like to point out that these folks falling all over themselves to parade around in pink are simply looking to cash in by bragging about how sympathetic they are.

Look! I'm a good person! My blog has pink letters this month! Or not...

And consider this article... Now its not enough that Breast Cancer Awareness penetrates every aspect of our lives for a whole damned month... now women have the nerve to feel slighted by its varying forms.

Note this quote from the article:

"But at some point, it seems even worse to use the cover of breast-cancer awareness to make flirtatious, joking statements on Facebook. And why is it only a women’s health issue that seems to come in for this sort of treatment? Have there been any such memes for prostate cancer?"

No. There have been no such memes for prostate cancer... because no one talks about prostate cancer. NFL teams don't wear blue shoes and gloves to promote Prostate Cancer Awareness. Blue ribbons are not plastered all over the world... and special Prostate Edition products do not line the shelves of retailers.

Here is a thought... how about we stop talking about Breast Cancer... and start curing it. How about we stop pretending we're doing something... and actually get something done.

And how about we do it all... a lot more quietly.

Thanks.

Soon to Be Viral

A little background.... An acquaintance of mine... Tim... had a conflict with a teacher over his grade. Apparently the woman was so poor at math she couldn't consistently apply her own grading system. Tim repeatedly demonstrated this to her... and eventually had to go to the

school principle to get satisfaction.

The teacher the sent him this letter.

For the record... Tim still has the letter. This is 100% true.

ATF: Edition 37

Ok... I know what you're thinkin'... there have been a lot more than 36 of these posts.... and you're right.

I turned 37 today.

Now for some reason or another birthdays have always been days that I spend taken stock of things. Where am I? Am I who am want to be?

Oh I know... most men have their mid-life crisis in their 40s... but I don't afford myself that indulgence. A mid-life crisis is something that happens when a man wakes up and realizes he didn't spend his life the way he wanted... or should have. Its the product of unpreparedness. Its what happens when a man has neglected his responsibility to deliberately choose his path.

I can look around and take account of things... and know that this is the path I chose.

So tonight... I'll smoke a cigar my brother gave me a long while back... a Kentucky Gentleman.... hand rolled by an old man that lives up the road from Lexington. I'll sip a little 46... Its a life most everyone would love to have... so I will appreciate it.

I live with my family. I raise, and teach, my kids. I haven't had a job in almost 10 years.

I have no idea where this road I am on leads... but I know I chose the road... even if I am thankful to He who lead me to choose it.

I won't be around to comment much... but I would appreciate it if you'd drink with me tonight. Light a cigar. Sip some fine bourbon. Consider it a favor to an old man.

Recycling is the Opiate of the Masses

That's all. I thought it up... and I wanted to say it in big letters.

Now someone make me a t-shirt.

ATF

A: Makers Mark 46. Yes. I'm obsessed. Try it. Trust me.

T: Twist. If you know what it is.. you know. If you don't... you don't. this particular one soaks in bourbon in a zip lock bag. Notice a theme here?

F: Ruger Vaquero... .44mag. Sometimes a big shiney gunslinger rig just feels right.

Raise your hand if you own a single six. Anyone? My vaquero is in the same caliber as a winchester model 94.. so I am pretty set for cowboy action shooting if I were to ever take it up... but its not my thing. Round these parts though.. they make great deer and boar gun because the brush is so damned thick. Never seen pines this tight.

So lets have it boys.. who has cowboy guns?

Objects of Need and Desire

and low... the quest for the right tractor begins.

Now I would love to pretend I know everything about tractors. Sadly.. i would truly be pretending. Truth is I don't own any kind of tract or at all... nor have I ever. I have driven a few and used a loader some.. but not much. The tractor experience in my immediate clan is limited to JAC's abused, and over worked, and much beloved Farm All.

Its cute enough but there is just no way something like it would serve my purposes... which involve actually using a tractor... as opposed to merely working on one. For this reason Green tractors are nearing the bottom of the list.

The top of the list?

I give you.. the Kubota L4400. 44hp 4wd... 36 pto hp... and pure unadulterated sexy. Admit it girls... this is hot.

One could argue that 'Bota has taken over the american compact tractor market. Ya see more orange than green these days... and since the american made tractor is all but extinct (yes.. all JD tractors below 100 hp are manufactured else where) ya can't really wave the flag and shout buy american. Ain't no american to buy. The 'Bota ain't perfect. There is a tractor out there that has its number in a couple categories... including price.

The Bobcat CT440. Pretty ain't she? Oh its true... the kubota has a superior dealer network.. and made in japan is better than made in korea... but the Bobcat's loader is faster and lifts more weight than the 'bota. The Bobcat is also faster in forward.. while the 'bota is faster in reverse. Bobcat doesn't even make 2wd tractors... and all of their tractors are hydrostatic.

In truth I will almost certainly end up with one Kubota or another... but props to Bobcat for making it interesting.

Deep Fried Burger

Only in the South would someone cover an entire cheeseburger in beer batter and deep fat fry it. Yes.. they had cut the fries every day... and yes... there are cute waitress that bring you beers... and sweet tea.

No atf tonight... because... well damn... look at that thing. I still have the buzz from eating it. Ok.. a few landsharks... so I'm not totally honest. Sue me.