Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Happens to the Best of Us

I can't imagine that stuff like this happens to other people... and if it does... it happens once. Me? Oh no... awkward... bizarre... ridiculous and unbelievable things happen to me on a regular basis.

So... Here's the latest...

Tonight.. I guess it was around 10 till 9 or so... and I've been here all day. I figure I need to get the hell out of the house. Against my better judgement... I decided to run to walmart and pick up a few things.

Now regular readers should know... it's just no good... I just don't have any luck when I go to Walmart alone.

Anyway... We needed a few things and I had some money to blow... seemed like a good time to go pick up that Jason Aldean CD.... which rocks by the way... what was I sayin?

Oh yeah... Walmart...


I throw on my favorite pair of ratty old torn up wranglers... my standard bitch-beater... my hat.. my boots... strap on the .40 and throw my baggy shirt for cover. A few seconds later I'm rollin' off in my badass black titan... and I'm feelin' pretty good about things.

I've got Dwight crankin' out Guitars and Cadilacs... life's pretty good...

The trip to walmart goes off without a hitch... initially.

I climbed out of the truck, hit the lock... and noticed a couple chicks out of the corner of my eye. Situaltional awareness... I pay attention. You should too. Anyway... these two were young... real young... maybe 16? 17? giggling away... the customary pause when they noticed the cowboy climb out of the high dollar fancy black truck.

I really didn't pay it any mind. The Titan gets looks. We're kinda numb to it.

I hit the store.. picked up my cd.... then headed over to check out the new motorcycle mags. I read an article or two... then decided there was one more CD to pick up before I headed out.

Who's in the music isle? that's right... our two girls. Still giggling... one desperately trying not to make eye contact with me... the other staring and laughing way to loudly.

Ok then...

I snatched the other CD up and walked off... the last thing I needed was some damned teenager givin' me shit about my hat... particularly a drunk.. hot.. no no.. I'm not going there... Eye's forward boy.... head to the check out.

Thankfully... I got my stuff... and headed to the door... a narrow escape.

Or so I thought.


I heard her coming... and saw her outta the corner of my eye so I didn't shoot her... This obviously drunk.. and very hot little 16 year old had now draped herself upon me. She basicly ran into me from behind... and draped one arm around me.

"Well iffffffffffff you aren't the most aaaaaaaaaaaadorable thing..."

"Why thank ya darlin'... I 'preciate that."

"And jusht what brings a cowboy out to walmart???"

"Oh... Not much... I had to pick up this pregnancy test for my wife."


And now we have a red face.... oh? no.. looks like she's red from head to toe... heheheh.. Her friend is practically on the floor laughin' her ass off. That freaky one-eyed greeter... you know the one... hell he's at every dayemed walmart in the country... he heard it too... he was laughin' out loud.

I just smiled and ruffled the poor girl's hair.

"Happens to the best of us Darlin' "

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