Some time ago we had a lively little discussion on boy's jobs. It sort-of evolved into Keeping Your Wife Happy 101. I promised at some point to talk about girl jobs. Well, after much antici... pation, here ya go.
Remember the original premise though. There exists a great list of "Things that must be done". The benefit to being married is that the list gets divided. When you're single you must accomplish everything on your own. We refer to those who are incapable of doing this co-dependent.
1) Cleaning. I'm not talking about picking up clutter here. I mean real honest to God scrubbing. Men are not capable of doing this to the high standards women set. So ya have to options girls. Either lower your standards, or do it yourself... wait... three options... there is always the Nate plan: Hire a maid.
2) Social Coordination: Men have no more business making these decisions than girls have underneath the hood of the truck. What parties, get togethers and what-not that you want to attend or host are stictly your affair. We'd rather not be involved at all. We'll only step in we absolutely have to. Logisticals of who we see on what day of our family visit, or who we'll eat dinner with on what night, are totally up to you.
3) Birthin'. Sorry girls. Can't help ya there. I'll be smokin', drinkin', and pacing nervously in the waiting room. Which is were men belong. Dammit.
4) Hydration. A man hard at any form of physical labor developes a powerful thirst, and few things in this world will endear a woman to him like a well timed class of sweet iced tea. A woman who will take care of you like that, is worth killing for. That's a fact.
5) Tend to your appearence. yes. This is shallow. I won't apologies for it though. You want a resentful, angry husband? Put on 40 pounds and stop shaving your legs. He'll either make your life miserable with his bitching, pretend to be happy while he cheats on you, or simply leave with no explaination.
Now that's not a long list. What is important is how she makes her husband feel. All day long its him against the world. He needs to know that someone is on his side. He needs someplace to go to get out of the storm. Her job is to take care of him.
When Jim and I got to the hotel after the Iron Butt ride... man I don't know that I've ever missed Julie more. I was wiped out. All I wanted was someone to bring me something to eat and a fresh pair of clothes. Just to say, "Take it easy for a while big guy, I'll handle it from here."
I hear these girls complaining all the time about how they don't have time to do all there work. Like the life of the stay-at-home wife is so terrible and demanding. Hell... when their husbands get home from work, they basicly drop the kid in his lap and leave. Taking care of the kid is their job, and when he gets home, it's quittin' time. These women talk about how they get so frustrated with thier kids... how they have to just get away from them. They demand that they get a mom's day out every week.
I can't even begin to relate to that. When the guys get home, these chicks flip out if he doesn't load the dishwasher or help with laundry. Funny... I didn't see your lazy asses helping him out at work today. The amazing thing is, that these chicks forget that julie and I are the opposite of them. So they will complain to Julie about all this stuff... and Julie will be thinking... "I wish to God I could have your life, and you are bitchin?"
In short, these women are the exact opposite of what a good wife should be.
Here's my advice to you stay at home moms:
1) Hire a maid, or lower your standards on clean. This frees up time.
2) Feed your husband. He doesn't care if it's take-out or home cooked. Just have something for him to eat.
3) Find something that the guy does and learn to enjoy it. You have to have something that you can do together for fun. Horses. Shotguns. Football. Hockey. It can be anything, but this alone can save a marriage on the rocks. I've seen it.
4) Screw him like a pornstar. Do ya love the guy? This is how ya show him. Sex is how man guages the stability and quality of the relationship. If you're a sex-kitten, then he's the king baby, and everything is right with the world.
Thats all for now.
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