Wednesday, June 02, 2004

Family Cruelty

It's commonly known that few people can abuse you like your family can. This little tale is the proof of that. Now remember, this happened when I was very young. I may get a fact wrong here or there... but the main point remains true...

I've got two brothers; Jim, the eldest, and Rob. For those of you keeping score, that makes me the youngest. We lived in a little neighborhood right on the outskirts of town, with lots of kids the same age. One of which was a really fat girl named Carrie who had a crush on Rob... but I'll get to that later...

Now even when Jim was still in high school, he was not the type of kid you would screw with. When you did, you'd quickly learn that his response would be totally out-of-porportion.

Rob however, was full of piss and vinegar. He thought he could kick bruce lee's ass. He honestly beleived himself to be indestructible. He would smart off to anyone.

Ok so on with the tale..

Jim and a bunch of his friends are over at the house just hanging out. They were just coming from somewhere and they were fixing to head off to some other somewhere. Well... Rob and I were home. Being 4 years younger, Rob desperately wanted to hang out with the older types.

Typical hyjinks insue. The younger kid tries to fit in, but ends up just being annoying, and when told to bugout, he smarts off. I'm sure you've all been through this. You are trying to get rid of some kid and he just keeps gettin' in your way. Finally Rob went to far. He started cussin' them and realy showing his ass.

That's when they decided he needed a lesson in humility. Now mind you, I was just a spectator... well... a very entertained spectator. So first they strip him naked. They then carry/drag him outside... while he's kicking and screaming and calling Jim everything but a white christian. I was laughing my butt off. I figured they would leave him outside or something.... I had no idea how creatively cruel these guys could be...

We had a basketball goal setup in the driveway... and there just happened to be a car parked under it. So... They climbed onto the car, and set Robert, who by the way was still bare-assed, in the basketball hoop! They then backed the car out... stranding the boy 10 feet off the ground.

All of this would've been enough... but to make matters worse... Carrie... the fat girl from across the street.. she had a crush on Rob. So of course, she had to be summoned. She waddled over and stood underneath the boy. Lookin' up and commenting on his... parts...

Rob eventually got down. He was so pissed he ran straight inside and grabbed his pellet gun. He didn't even bother to put on underwear. He just ran outside, hell bent on killin' all of 'em!

Nobody died... but I 'bout died laughin'.

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