Friday, April 16, 2004

Redneck games

Given the headline I'm sure you are expecting a "hey yall, watch 'is" story. Not exactly. Don't worry though, you will not be disappointed.

It's about time for a huntin' story don't ya think?

So 4 ol' boys are out huntin'. Been out all day waitin' on deer. Now this is a complicated story to tell on account of there are so many things going on at the same time. So pay attention y'all, and I ain't typin' this again.

So like I was sayin' they had been out all day and decided to hook up together to get some grub before headin' back out near dusk. One of 'em hit the call button on the radio and they all heard it. 'bout 10 minutes later 3 of 'em met at the camp. 3. Hrmm... 1 short. Typical. Well they better go find him. And off they went.

Now we have to use a fancy 'litrary' tool here called a "flashback". See when that call button got pushed ole John heard it just like the other 3, and he commenced to headin to the camp. He had been huntin' a powerline and was headin' back along the border of the property they were huntin on. This is where the trouble started. On his way back John had a realization. The boy had to go, and well, it wasn't gonna wait until he made it to camp. You familiar with the euphermism "Prarie Doggin'"? Yup. John boy was in a bad bad way.

Now in these situations a man don't have a lot of options. The boy did what ya do. He dropped trou and squatted. Things were just about to get interesting when he lost his balance. By the grace of God, he looked up and there was a wire fence just within his reach, the boy grabbed it to steady himself.

Now its time for another litrary moment. This is where we skip ahead to when the other three find John. Keep up now!

So the other 3 boys are walking up a little grade, and once they top it, they see John. He's standing there near a fence, lookin' around like he lost somethin'. Well they walked over to see what the matter was, and to offer what help they could.

When John noticed 'em walkin up he hollered, "Hey! Watch your step!"

The boys made there way over to him and asked what was wrong.

John said, "Well y'all... I know I took a shit. I just don't know where I left it at. Oh and make damn sure you don't touch that fence."

It was about that time that one of the boys pointed over at a nearby tree and said something to the effect of, "Holy Shit!"

Sure enough. About 20 feet from where John had lost his balance there stood this tree, covered in John's expulsion.

The moral to this story, if you have to shit in the woods, don't steady yourself with an electric fence.

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