Wednesday, May 12, 2004

Hyper-Vigilence at the Post Office

Being a dad comes with its suprises. I remember, before Jeb was born, my brother Jim told me about the base rage you feel when your child is threatened or mistreated. Maybe rage isn't the right word. What I have experienced is the calculated willingness to kill whatever is a perceived threat. Frankly its unerving. I know Julie would die protecting Jeb, but I don't think women experience the hyper-vigilence that men do.

One day I had to go to the post office. As you can well imagine, I hate the post office. It was a nice day though, so me and Jeb hopped in the truck and drove down there. There is always a rediculously long line. Stupid people standing there asking stupid government employees stupid questions, and recieving in return typically stupid answers.

This was only moderately irritating though, because I was to distracted to really pay attention. All of my attention was focused on one guy. As soon as I walked in there I saw this guy... the last one in line. Every warning light I know went off. I don't know really what my deal was, but I was just creeped out like you wouldn't believe. He was medium hieght, bone thin, and pale as a ghost. Face was gaunt, and his skin looked like you could see right through it. He was dressed in black. Black bluejean jacket, black pants... longish brown greasy hair... the way he looked, the way he stood... Everything about this guy said "pedofile" to me.

So here I am standing behind this freak, holding my son, with every hair on me standing straight up.

That's when he turns around and says is the most sickening breathy lisp you can imagine, "Awww... what a pretty little boy..."

I turned so I was between him and said, "Turn around you sick freak! If you ever so much as look at me or my son again I swear I'll kill you."

As you can imagine that's not what he expected to hear. He freaked and turned around and suddenly looked very very small. Women all over the line were whispering, "oh my God did you hear what that man just said?"

I managed to get out of that post-office with no blood on my hands. I did have some open eyes though. There was no question that I was willing to beat that man to death if he had laid a finger on Jeb.

I know women are protective, I just don't think they react the way we do. I don't think they have the kill instinct that we do. To a non-dad this may seem crazy, or silly, or stupid... But I'll bet most dad's have experienced something like this before.

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