Tuesday, May 25, 2004


I get so sick of hearing men talk about the mysteries of women, as if the creatures are some confounding puzzle, placed here by God to teach men the lesson that some things are beyond our comprehension. So, I'm now going to snatch you up by the short-hairs, and drag you out of the Cave kicking and screaming.

There is an aweful lot of explaining to do here, so expect this to be post number 1 in a series on chicks, and why they are far more easily understood than you think they are. Before we get started, I want to make something very clear. I'm going to be applying basic rules and principalities to shine light on these so called mysteries. Now... I would very much appreciate it if we keep the "exception" comments to a minimum. It irritates me to no end. It's the intelectual equivilent of arguing that since one firecracker failed to explode when the fuse burned down, that fire doesn't actually ignite gunpowder.

So yes. I'm quite sure that YOUR wife is totally independent, and she never see's insecurity in you as weakness. I'm also quite sure that there are female softball players that are not lesbians, and someone will in fact win the lottery. Coinsidentally, that lottery winner will have overcome the same odds as your wife, and the softball player.

It's not fire's fault you found a firecracker with a wet fuse.

So lets first deal with the big one; security.

Most men think women are indecisive, and just plain don't know what they want. The men then become frustrated because, "She doesn't know what she wants, but she expects me too?" Yeah. Because listen up ya pansy, she DOES know what she wants. She wants you to grow a pair of balls and make a decision, and preferably one that she doesn't have to put that much thought into.

It all breaks down like this; women want to feel taken care of. They are happier when there is one less thing they have to worry about. So, when you two start to debate what you want to eat, guess what genius... no matter what conclusion you come to, most of the time you are still going to look like a chump to her. That is NOT one less thing she has to worry about. She's happiest when you already have a plan. Is the plan subject to change? Absolutely. Chicks dig flexibilty. What they want, is for you to say, "Hey, I heard about this great new place for this-or-that." or even, "Dinner will be ready in about 8 minutes. I have to go flip the steaks."

Women will only balk at your plans if they have a reason to do so. Like if they are feeling a little queesy already and you suggest the greasiest food in town. When you then take them off to some place and get them a salad, you look like you've fixed a problem to them. You've taken care of them. Now of course, sometimes women like to get to make the plan themselves. But if they wanted to have to do it all the time, they'd be softball players.

There is a list of responsibilities that you have as a man. Most of them relate to this one need of her's to feel taken care of. That list... will be provided later today, in episode two.

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